How the Fascist empire hides the truth.

I was shocked that Anita would suggest that I run away, because she knew it would do no good. I had no underground connections, no real money and "they" watched everything I did. Later I will relate indisputable evidence to the extreme extent "they" monitored everything I did. But I wondered if "they" had told her to encourage me to run away, or if in the confusion of the situation Anita truly believed that running away and hiding would solve my problem. I tended to believe the former because I was aware how "they" would have people urge me to take self-destructive actions, and then the people who had suggested the action would tell me how foolish and sick I was. Destructive actions were usually encouraged throught the mind control technique of suggestion. And because of the terrible abuse I was enduring, I was readily susceptible to suggestion. The fact that I could not trust any suggestion or advice made it difficult to carry on.

It is important to note that my captors had a year at Gamma Supplies to learn everything about me before I realized I was their prisoner/slave. That fact and the immense power and resources my captors had made fleeing a stupid idea. And had I fled to some other neutral nation such as Canada or Mexico, "they" would have followed me. Many years later I had knowledgeable people tell me that "they" would follow me if I fled.

The day I was to leave for the Elville Photopolymer Conference, Anita was still begging me to take her along. Finally I relented and said she could drive up and attend the main banquet which was held on the next to last evening. Then Anita made a strange offer.

"Let me pack your suitcase," she said.

"What do you mean?" I asked increduously. "I always pack my own suitcase. I've done it a hundred times before, and I intend to do it this time. Why do you want to pack my suitcase?"

I was just trying to be nice." she replied.

Later as I was finishing my suitcase, Anita came into the bedroom.

"Are you going to take your tennis stuff?" She asked.

"No I'm not. You know Pat nor anyone else is going to play tennis with me so why should I take it?"

Anita kept after me. "Oh why don't you take it? I'll pack your tennis bag for you."

I was irritated at her insistence, but I finally agreed to let her pack my tennis bag. "Go ahead and pack it while I get some papers that I need from the living room." I told her.

While I was in the other room going through scientific papers, Anita called out, "Did you pack your toothbrush and shaving cream?"

I was really annoyed at Anita's badgering on the subject of packing and shouted back, "I packed everything I need!"

I knew I had all my toiletries packed and was becoming very suspicious of Anita's behavior. I went back into the bedroom, picked up my suitcase and tennis bag and headed out the door. As I did, I noticed my new tennis sneakers on the closet floor.

"I may as well take these new tennis shoes and break them in."

With that I threw them in the tennis bag and started to leave for Elville. Then I turned to Anita.

"Do you want to take a walk out back with Nuisance before I go?"

"OK" Anita replied.

As we walked around the woods in back of the house, I expressed my concern about what was going to happen at the conference.

"It seems like they are trying to build the anxiety up to a climax. Maybe they are trying to get me to try to commit suicide again."

Anita walked with me hand-in-hand and listened intently. Then I started to get the urge to fight back.

"Maybe I should go to the FBI. After all, even you said you believed they used Dr. Cohen to set me up the first time."

Anita reacted violently to that comment. She pulled away from me and she tried to jerk he hand from mine. Then, in a state of panic she started screaming, "I never said that! I never said that!"

I couldn't believe the fear she had. The idea of publicly supporting me was terrifying to her. For the first time I realized how scared Anita was.

"Christ," I said. "You're so scared that if they gave you a gun and told you to shoot me, you would do it! I can't believe how sick this whole thing is."

I was totally disgusted and at the same time, Anita's violent reaction to what I had said made me even more apprehensive about what was going to happen at the conference. For a minute I thought about not going, but then I would have to explain everything at work and I had no "rational" explanation for not attending the conference. I decided to go to the conference and see what was planned.

NOTE: At this point I was seriously beginning to believe that the US Nazi government in conjunction with big business was the source of all my problems. But at that point in my life I really was not politically aware, and I did not understand the true nature of a FASCIST STATE, which america is. That is a state where government and industry work hand-in-hand against the working class. Remember, this was 1980 and most americans were unaware of this fascist system. Today, although most americans refuse to call it FASCISM, people are disgusted by the government/industry cabals.