Isolated again

We continued to discuss the best solution for the immediate problem and finally we decided Anita would move out and would go live with a friend from school until the crisis was over. That would insure her safety and cause the least problems for both of us. The next day Anita packed her books and clothes and left. She left me a phone number where I could reach her, but I did not know where she was going.

That weekend I took our dog to my parents place and left her there. I so afraid that because of the Nazi torture at the holidays that I might go into a fit of rage, kick her and hurt her. I wanted Nuisance, my dog to be safe. I barely talked to my parents because I didn't know what to say. I was being tortured and there was nothingh my parents could do about it.

I left on Sunday evening and headed back home. That evening I got several harassing phone calls where the party on the other end hung up when I answered the phone. In anger I jerked the phone jack out of the wall to stop the calls. I was totally isolated from the outside world. I concluded from the calls they wouldn't stop harassing and terrorizing me until "they" had killed me.

The strange thing about all of this is that the Nazis had all that they needed. They had my signed deposition which could be(and eventually would be) used in their patent infringement lawsuit, and they had a documented history of mental illness to negate anything I might say. But the amerikan Nazis were(and always will be) driven by an insane, obsessive hatred and nothing would extinguish that hatred. I believe that even my death would not have satisfied them. Their obsessive hatred towards me was like that of Hitler's toward the Jews. I was to blame for all of the Nazis problems just like the Jews were to blame for Germany's and his problems. Isn't that always the case for irresponsible people - it's someone elses fault. "The fault is not in the heavens and stars......."

Every day was living hell, and the next week I struggled through each day. I was so depressed I did nothing except eat and sleep. My behavior behavior was becoming more irrational. One evening I went out to a local lounge and went dancing. First, when I was dancing with other women, I got a sense of getting even with Anita for the hell she had helped make out of my life. Second, doing something random like going out danceing, I felt free and non-threatened. On Saturday I took two hundred dollars and went to the race track and lost it all. I had never lost more than about twenty dollars at the track, but the large monetary loss had no meaning to me if I was a dead man anyway. On Sunday I drove up to my parents house to get Nuisance. I missed having her around the house and I wanted her back. However, my parents argued against the idea and I returned home alone. When I got home, I called Anita on the repaired phone and started crying.