There is no escape from the Nazi prison.

During my next appointment, I related the events to Dr. Cohn and his response startled me.

"Well, what do want to be?" He asked. "Anxious or depressed?"

"I don't want to be either," I answered. "I want to be normal!"

"We.. you can't have that!" He shot backed.

"What do you mean by I can't have that?"

Dr. Cohn ignored my question. He had been pacing around his desk, he stopped, looked at me and then sat down in his chair. When he continued talking to me it was about another totally unrelated subject and he never did explain his comment to me.

The process of bringing me crashing down continued at work. About a week after Jeff's announcement to the "Deep UV" task force, Jim told me in private that another task force member would present the groups findings to upper management. I knew it would do no good to bring up the fact he had told me I would be doing the presentation to upper management. If I had mentioned that, I would have been given some ridiculous answer which would have infuriated me. With that announcement, all of the promises that had been made to me three or four weeks earlier to lift me up had been broken and I was left with nothing to show for my efforts made on the task force.

Pat clover also began to hedge on his plans for me. Now he was telling me that maybe he didn't need as much of my time as he had originally planned. Instead, maybe he could use me as a consultant on the project. That was a long way from the responsibilities he had originally described to me. With that change, the project to bring me crashing down was complete and I was left to deal with the resultant depression.

With the sudden increase in stress, I was really going insane and I didn't know of any way to stop the torture. Since I just couldn't take any more abuse and I couldn't stop the Nazi amerikans from torturing me, I decided the only rational thing to do was to kill myself. Before I died, I wanted a few days of peace and quiet so on September 18, 1981 I resigned my job at RAM. Just as at Gamma Supplies, I resigned rather than being fired. If I had been fired, I could have collected unemployment long enough in an uncontrolled environment to be able to regain my sanity and stability. That did not fit into the psychotic criminal's minds. When I told Anita what I had done she hardly reacted. She knew my leaving RAM was inevitable, and she accepted it fatalistically. All she really asked was "What are we going to do now?" I told her not to worry that I had a plan to take care of everything. Anita didn't question me any further.