Hide the truth - Sick, Evil people don't want the truth to be known about them!

The next week I spent trying to relax and to plan the best way to kill myself. I want the act of death to be painless so I devised three ways to commit suicide. The one thing I didn't want to happen was to fail and end back up in a hospital. Since I planned on having the diary I had kept from June to September 1980 with me when I died,I went to get the diary from the top of my wife's dresser only to find it was gone. The top of the dresser was about eight feet high and had a edging around it so that nothing on top of the dresser could be seen and I hadn't told Anita where I had put it. I spent the rest of the day going through the house trying to find the diary in case the Nazis had just moved it, but it was missing. Suddenly my thought became focused on the urgency to find the diary.

When Anita came home from work that evening, I began questioning her.

"Have you seen my diary?" I asked.

"No. Why? she responded it.

"Well, those sick bastards stole it!"

"Russell, no one stole your diary." Anita meekly responded.

"It was right up there," I said pointing to the top of the dresser.

"Are you sure?" Maybe it's in the attic."

"I looked up there, damn it. I know it was on top of the dresser because I was looking at it a few weeks ago. "They" stole it just like they took the one I kept at Costeal. I know what I'll do, I'll call the police and report it missing. At least the theft will be documented." (Note, several years later I did report items the sickos were stealing from me and it resulted in the police harassing me!)

"Russell, they will just laugh at you." Anita pointed out.

She was right, and the sense of defeat that I had felt so often came over me. "They did whatever they wanted and when it became necessary to destroy documents to protect their story, "they" proceeded to do it. Any future reference to the destroyed documents were ignored as if the items had never existed. Whoever was responsible for my destruction lived in a fantasy world because they could make the world however they wanted it to be. And the cowardly amerikans just who go along with it. Amerikans really deserve any hell they get. The theft of the diary destroyed the only written record of the daily harassment, psychological torture and distortions of reality to which I was continually subjected. And it was the daily torture that was the basis of my created "mental illness". It was discouraging and frustrating too that Anita continued to support ridiculous positions like stating that I had misplaced the diary. Somehow it all seemed irrelevant since I knew I was going to die in a couple of days.

The stealing of the diaries also made it impossible for me or anyone else to take any legal action later against the Nazi loving corporations when I would no longer be able to work. The Nazis had only one desire - get rid of the truth about them and Nazi amerika! That meant get rid of me.