The Nazis have success - finally.

I existed in a state of confusion. I didn't want to be alive and I still couldn't understand why I hadn't died. If it was some sort of divine intervention that had kept me alive, I wasn't happy at all with it .

Even more confusion was created when a couple of days later I made another startling discovery. I had suffered from hemorrhoids for about fifteen years and at one point a doctor told me they would have to be removed surgically. Suddenly one day shortly after my suicide attempt I noticed my hemorrhoids were gone! I couldn't believe it. In a state of amazement I told Anita, "My hemorrhoids are gone. They've just disappeared!" For once Anita didn't question my judgment. She just stood there with a blank look on her face. She was as confused as I was. Nothing in my life made sense anymore.

Although I have never had the absence of the hemorrhoids offically medically documented, I have never had any signs or symptoms of hemorroids in the 20 plus years since that day.

I continued to go to work, but I didn't do anything. My days were filled with depression and rage and I was so angry and hateful toward RAM that all I wanted to do was create trouble. The annual Technical Liaison Conference was scheduled for the next week, and I began to plot ways to disrupt the seminar. However, I was never able to implement my plans because the Friday preceding the week of the conference I was unexpectedly called in by the medical department. The doctor told me that he thought I should take a week off from work, and when I refused he ordered a one week respite. Thus I could not attend the conference and I would not get a chance to talk with the other RAM scientists. "They" were making sure I did not cause any trouble.

Because I was so irrational and full of hate and anger, Anita moved out to a friend's house for the week. The alone was total hell, and I went truly insane. I hallucinated and heard voices for the first time in my ordeal. The five plus years of unrelenting stress and terrorism had taken its toll. I no longer could tell what was real and what wasn't, and all sort of crazy thoughts filled my head. All the years that the sick bastards had kept me under extreme stress and had distorted my world had finally paid off. "They had driven me insane." Now I was just like them!!!