Only a little left in my life to destroy.

NOTE: Sometimes people want "proof" that the Nazis controlled my mental state by manipulation of my environment. At one point I was very depressed and a psychiatristic gave me antidepressant pills to take. I went home and decided to test my beliefs. Every morning I would go into the bathroom makes some noise like I was taking a pill and then I would drop it in the toilet. Usually Anita would dutifully as me if I had take my medication to which I would say yes. Later I would flush the pill down the toilet.

After about a week of doing this, I noticed the level of harassment at work was decreasing and I was given more to do and was allowed to interact more with coworkers. Of course my mood improved. A couple of weeks later when I saw the psychiatrist, he was so pleased that the medication was working so well! That evening after my session the the doctor, I told Anita what a joke taking medication was and I told her what I had been doing. As expected, very quickly the harassment at work increased, assignments were terminated and I became depressed again. And of course the psychiatrist couldn't figure out why the medication had stopped working!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Back to my story:

Anita came to see me a couple of evenings during the week and by the end of the week she moved back in. After a week alone with no harassment, my mental state improved to the point where I could function again, and of course the voices stopped, never to be heard again. I was very depressed and annoyed at the fact that I had missed the Internal technical Liaison Conference. At the same time it didn't seem to make much of a difference since I had no future. I began to talk to Anita about getting a divorce. She was beginning to visibly show the signs of the extreme stress she had been living under and her physical and mental state seemed to be deteriorating. It was apparent to me that "they" would not stop the torture until everything in my live had been destroyed and of course that included my marriage. Anita for the first time began to reaize that a divorce was inevitable. And again this show how the ruling Nazis have absolutely not respect for anyone or anything other that satisfying their psychotic wants.

The medical department doctor at RAM had given me a clean bill of health after my week off and had allowed me to go back to work. I really had no fears this time about going back to work because I knew there would be more harassment until everything in my life had been destroyed. I was just existing until the destruction was complete.

It only took a day for the unusual events to occur. First, I received a call from a RAM employee at the Albany site who wanted a copy of the "Deep UV" paper I had given at the Internal Technical Liaison Conference! Since I had not been at the conference and someone else had given the presentation, I was a bit confused. When I asked the man how he had gotten my name, he refused to answer the question and hung up. The call seemed lik a planned psychological dig.

A couple of day later I experienced a typical coincidence. I was on the phone talking to a supplier about the Japanese product "Sel N". I wanted to know where I could get some literature on the material. I hung up and went back to work at my desk. Less that FIVE MINUTES passed and Les Lopez, who had an office on the next floor showed up at my door and started a conversation. Soon after he started talking, he mentioned "Sel N".

"If you're interested in some literature on 'Sel N', Julie Smart has it. I'm sure she'll let you look at it." Les said.

I just looked at Les with a startled look and didn't say anything. Les just turned and started to head back to his office. Then in moment of sympathy(Nazis would call it weakness) he turned and said, "Boy, and they talk about '1984'. It's already here." Remeber this was taking place in 1981.

I was surprised that Les would make such a statement, but I knew exactly what he meant. However, I knew his display of support would not be tolerated and I was a little concerned for Les. The next day I ran into Les and another co-worker in the hall. When I tried to strike up a conversation, Les answered me with some double talk that made no sense. Apparently his support and sympathy either didn't last long or he couldn't display it in the presence of a possible Nazi supporter.

Note: Many of my co-workers did not support what the Nazi rulers were doing. And frequently they would show their support in various ways.