Thursday was Anita's day off and we spent the day doing one thing I enjoyed most in life. That was taking a walk in the woods in the sunshine. Whenever I did that, I felt a sense of peace that I couldn't experience anywhere else. I also felt a strange closeness to Anita. Although she was my primary antagonist, I knew we were both suffering from this Nazi state imposed hell and a tragedy of any sort tend to bring people together. The only thing missing from the perfect day was Nuisance.
On Friday, September 25, 1981, Anita left for work as usual. After she left I got dressed in a suit and went downstairs to the garage. I closed both garage doors, got into my 8 cylinder Camaro, left both doors open and started the engine. Then I swallowed sixty Nardil antidepressant pills I had accumulated. I sat there for fifteen minutes as the garage filled up with smoke. I checked the time because I couldn't figure out why I wasn't getting sleepy. I opened a small jar of sulfuric acid I had with me and dropped some sodium cyanide granules in to the acid. Then I breathed the hydrogen cyanide which is the gas that is used in gas chambers. I sat there for another fifteen minutes and nothing happened! I waited another five to ten minutes and then shut off the car engine. The garage was completely engulfed in smoke, I had taken an overdose of a drug and had breathed cyanide and I felt fine!!!
I got out of the car and went into the house in a total state of confusion. I had no idea what was going on, but I felt fine. I didn't know what to do. I had been so certain that I would die that I never considered the impossibility that I would continue to live. I felt totally defeated. I couldn't even die.
About an hour later I began to feel dizziness from what I believe was low blood pressure from the Nardil I had taken. I laid down in the bed and fell asleep. That afternoon when Anita came home the house still reeked of exhaust fumes. Anita came running into the bedroom.
"What did you do?!" She screamed.
"I tried to kill myself, but I couldn't die." I answered.
"Well, I'd better call Dr. Cohn."
"No, don't do that. He'll just put me in the hospital again and you know how worthless that is."
"OK, but promise me you won't do that again."
I half laughed and said, "What good would that do? I can't die anyway. What the hell is going on?"
I still was a little light headed from the Nardil, and Anita helped me up to go to the bathroom. "Anita," I asked. "What is going on? I can understand the problems with big business, RAM and the government, but now this. What's happening?"
I don't know but it's discouraging isn't it?" She responded.
We didn't discuss the events anymore and I fell off to sleep and slept the rest of the evening.
NOTE: Wait til you see how the Nazis react to my still being alive!
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