There is no escape from the Nazi prison.

During my next appointment, I related the events to Dr. Cohn and his response startled me.

"Well, what do want to be?" He asked. "Anxious or depressed?"

"I don't want to be either," I answered. "I want to be normal!"

"We.. you can't have that!" He shot backed.

"What do you mean by I can't have that?"

Dr. Cohn ignored my question. He had been pacing around his desk, he stopped, looked at me and then sat down in his chair. When he continued talking to me it was about another totally unrelated subject and he never did explain his comment to me.

The process of bringing me crashing down continued at work. About a week after Jeff's announcement to the "Deep UV" task force, Jim told me in private that another task force member would present the groups findings to upper management. I knew it would do no good to bring up the fact he had told me I would be doing the presentation to upper management. If I had mentioned that, I would have been given some ridiculous answer which would have infuriated me. With that announcement, all of the promises that had been made to me three or four weeks earlier to lift me up had been broken and I was left with nothing to show for my efforts made on the task force.

Pat clover also began to hedge on his plans for me. Now he was telling me that maybe he didn't need as much of my time as he had originally planned. Instead, maybe he could use me as a consultant on the project. That was a long way from the responsibilities he had originally described to me. With that change, the project to bring me crashing down was complete and I was left to deal with the resultant depression.

With the sudden increase in stress, I was really going insane and I didn't know of any way to stop the torture. Since I just couldn't take any more abuse and I couldn't stop the Nazi amerikans from torturing me, I decided the only rational thing to do was to kill myself. Before I died, I wanted a few days of peace and quiet so on September 18, 1981 I resigned my job at RAM. Just as at Gamma Supplies, I resigned rather than being fired. If I had been fired, I could have collected unemployment long enough in an uncontrolled environment to be able to regain my sanity and stability. That did not fit into the psychotic criminal's minds. When I told Anita what I had done she hardly reacted. She knew my leaving RAM was inevitable, and she accepted it fatalistically. All she really asked was "What are we going to do now?" I told her not to worry that I had a plan to take care of everything. Anita didn't question me any further.

Class Warfare - a "new" concept.

I recently read an article about the widening gap between the wealthy and the working class. The distribution of wealth has gotten so out of hand in Naziland, a trend that started in the late 1970's, that income distribution in the United States in now more unequal that in 3rd world countries like Nicaragua and Venezuela. I have always proposed that America's loss of the Vietnam War in the ruling fascist's attempt to gain control of Southeast Asia, resulted in a concerted effort to drive amerika to the right and enslave the citizens so that the people would or could no longer oppose national policy.

The trial rigging scheme by the government/corporate rulers that I was involved in, took place in the 1976-1978 time period(the late 70s). It is a classice case of class warfare. Of course the term class warfare was a forbidded label in Naziland until just recently when of the floor of congress some right-wing loonie started yelling "class warfare" because the top 2% in income were possibly going to lose some of their income tax breaks. The Nazis broke about every law in the land and flaunted their contempt of everything this nation is suppose to stand for in their class war against me. But deny the ruling elite a tax break and the media starts publishing "class warfare" like it some newly discovered phenomenon. Go figure.

One of the major changes to take place after the Vietnam War was to go from an army(I'm including all military branches) based on conscription to one made up of "volunteers". And now days the military is basically a mercenary army where private "security services" are bought by the corporate powers to do their bidding. While the movie made a hero out of Charlie Wilson, the Afghanistan resistance to Russian control of Afghanistan was really a private war of a few loose cannons promoting the interests of the ruling elite. David Wise called these cabals "The Invisible Government". The ultimate result of that effort was 9/11 and the resultant current Afghan war. I do have to admit that a couple of reviewers of "Chalie Wilson's War" did mention that 9/11 was a direct result of the efforts of a few elitist individuals in cooperation with a Nazi gestapo agency.

Stress and Exploitation - Nazi staples

To give you some idea of the amount of stress I was being subjected to, at one point in my ordeal, I began to experience waves of light-headedness. The feeling would start at the front and then travel to the back of my head. Since the phenomenon continued I went to a neurologist and he ran an EEG. The doctor couldn't find anything wrong in the EEG and dismissed my symptoms. First the EEG test covers a short period of time and the waves of light headedness were very intermittent. And second, I would later read that the symptoms I had been experiencing had been found common in front line soldiers who had spent excessive time on the front lines of an ongoing war! This was especially true in the trench warfare of WWI. The cause: EXCESSIVE STRESS!

Back to my story.

A few days after the harassment had started up again, Jim came to a "Deep UV" task force meeting and announced that he and a task force member Bob Brunner were going to San Jose to present the program to the people out there. In addition, Bob would present the talk on the task force findings at the Internal Technical Liaison Conference in October. All of those assignments had been promised to me by Jim a few weeks earlier. I didn't even challenge Jim's announcement because by now it was just another part of the plan to emotionally jerk me around. I had been lifted up with challenging new assignments, and now I was being brought down.

This followed the same pattern that had happened at Gamma Supplies when I was brought in on difficult problems to give my advice just prior to my being forced to leave the company. And it followed the Nazis' pattern of flaunting their exploitation of defenseless victims. I believe it gives the psychopathic Nazis a feeling of being GOD! They, the fascist rulers determine who will have a good and successful life and who will fail in life. It must give them a real psychotic rush.

Usually the Nazis hide their contempt for working people, but sometimes their hatred becomes so insane that they can't control themselves. I am an example of that. You can see some of the Nazis love of exploitation in the current economy where many people are struggling to survive - such economic conditions tend to bring out the true nature of the ruling elite - sort of the "Let them eat cake" syndrome. And of course there are always people around who want to exploit the economic conditions to gain more power and wealth. Glen Beck comes to mind.

Prolonged Stress takes it toll.

Back to the Nazi amerika story:

At about the same time as the performance review in August, Pat approached me with a problem he was having in his area. He asked me to review the problem and write a brief report. The problem involved an important project in his area, and it gave me the opportunity to get involved in a active area. Although I was not totally aware of it at the time, the daily harassment had ceased and with the daily terrorism, I was able to concentrate on my work and complete the report on which I was working. When I finally issued the report Perry wrote a memo to complement me on the thorough and and excellent analysis of the problem and the completeness of the report. Perry discussed the report with me and then offered me the opportunity to head up the program designed to address some of the questions I had raised. Included in the program would be the coordination of my work with work being done in San Jose. As soon as Perry told me I would have to go out to San Jose after the first of the year, I became very suspicious. I had the feeling I was being built up for a big let down.

In the same time period, Jim Connors called me into his office to give me a new assignment. He asked me to head up a task force on a "Deep UV" program. The interest in "Deep UV" had been growing for some time and Jim wanted a task force to collect the random bits of information and organize it into a complete "Deep UV" program. I would head up a four man effort, and I would then coordinate the effort with the San Jose group. As head of the task force, I would present the results to upper management and to the RAM Internal Technical Liason Conference which was held in October. Since the "Deep UV" program would need a new manager, the implications were obvious although my only thoughts were towards doing some meaningful productive work.

I had started seeing a new psychiatrist in July, and he decided to put me on a new antidepressant. I had decided to stop seeing Dr. Padua after she told me one week that I had a good future and a chance for a management position, and the next week she told me my situation was hopeless. Perhaps she had decided that she wasn't going to be a psychopath like my tormentors. She even thought I should see someone else and recommended Dr. Wagner Cohn to me.

Dr. Cohn was a gruff, ederly man who took a clinical approach to psychiatry. He seemed to believe that medication would solve all problems even more than most psychiatrists. His short, sometimes abrupt manner of speaking made it difficult to carry out a meaningful conversation, and I never even tried to tell him how I had ended up in such a messed up state. I just his prescribed medication and went to meet with him once a week.

The new antidepressants s he prescribed did help break the deep depression I was in, but I wasn't sure if it was the new medication or the events at work was creating the sense of relief. Whatever the cause, I stupidly was beginning to believe my ordeal was over.

Just when I was beginning to get some hope, the harassment started up again. The annoying phone calls started again after a respite of about a week and the usual incidents at work started to occur. This new round of terrorism caused severe anxiety for the first time in a long while, and I began to get the feeling I could no longer tell what was real and what was being orchestrated (is it an oval or an elipse, remember?) In addition, "they" had know my every move for so long that I began to think "they" could read my mind - later I will relate an incident that shows the extreme measures that the Nazi gestapo goes to in order to know everything their victims are doing. Two conditions of schizophrenia that I knew the Nazi's couldn't orchestrate was hearing voices and reading my mind. But, their anticipation of my actions and my inability to dicern reality was causing me to consider that "they" could read my mind. Prolonged severe stress is known to cause mental disorders, and I had reached the point where I was completely falling apart.

God Damn Amerika!

I have just returned from a foreign country and after spending time out of the amerikan media/government controlled environment it is pretty obvious that God HAS cursed amerika. To me, there is a sense of satisfaction and justice to see it but it also makes me angery that I have to live with it because I could care less if this country totally collapses. And the problems are with the system itself and not with the current administration or the political beliefs and practices of the current government as some would have you believe. Amerika's problems are a total collapse of a corrupt evil system and it becomes obvious if you get outside of the controlled amerikan environment. And for that I give thanks to God!

More about which to get depressed.

I began to notice that everyone around me seemed to be getting smarter! This was most noticeable when I talked with Pat Clover, my former manager. I had always considered Pat to be rather slow and he did not have great verbal fluency. However, now when I talked with Pat, I was amazed at how alert and mentally sharp he seemed. It was like he was a new person. I found this true of other people too. What I didn't realize was that my own mental capacity was greatly diminished from all of the psychological and mental torture to which I had been subjected for so many years. This decrease in mental capability is common in cases of menticide(mental torture). At the time however, I interpretted this decrease in my own mental capacity as an increase in the mental capacity of the people around me. I found it depressing that I was intellectually inferior.

As I stated, loss of intellectual functioning is quit common in cases of mental torture and some studies have reported around a 50% decrease in other victims. In my case, the extreme loss of mental capacity was documented by my therapists. In February 1983, after I had left the RAM environment, I was given a simple psychiatric evaluation. During that particular evaluation, I could not repeat in sequence 5 single digits that had been read to me. I had been give the same test in the fall of 1978, shortly after joining RAM. At that time I was able to repeat 11 digits FORWARD AND BACKWARDS after the digits had been read to me. I may have been able to do more, but the tester stoppedf at 11 digits when he decided there was nothing wrong with my intellect. The average person can repeat 7 digits FORWARD (a telephone number) and 5 digits backwards. The test results of going from 11 digits backwards to not being able to do 5 digits forward clearly demonstrate how brutally I had been tortured. That is why I say "God damn amerika". Fortunately, one's mental capacity slowly returns at least to some degree when the victims is free from constant brutal torture.

Just when things seemed their worst, improvements in my environment occurred. First I was given a performance appraisal. I went into the meeting with great apprehension because I knew I had not done any significant work in the past six months. Whatever performance rating I received, I knew it would be what "they" wanted it to be. Laurie Bushell, one of my many former managers, gave me the performance review and to my surprise, she gave me a rating which stated I "consistenly exceeded the requirements of the job in all key areas." Even though the rating was phoney, I was thrilled. Not only did the rating mean I would not be fired, but the rating also had to be approved by my current manager Jim Connors, since he was Laurie's second level manager too. Thus according to the rules at RAM, I was safe for another year. Although I knew I was never truly safe, it meant that "they" were not ready to get rid of me yet.

More Nazi Terrorism.

There were more department changes at work, and Jim Connors was officially announced as a second level manager. At the same time, Jim was also made the acting first level manager of a newly created department. Since Jim was serving as both first and second level manager, it meant that he would be seeking a new manager to take over his first level duties. Just the thought of a management opening caused me to become depressed because I knew their would be more suggestions and implied promises that would be made to me about the new manager of the department. I knew I couldn't go through that scenario again. The only thing that kept me going was the hope that "they", the sick bastards that they are, would get tired of mentally torturing me and my life would return to a normal state.

I was extremely depressed and becoming suicidal again. The harassment was daily and there was at least one episode per day. I had no social life and no contact with anyone outside of work other than Anita. In fact, I was totally surprised one day when one of my co-workers, John came into my office and hand delivered a notice for a professional meeting to be held the following week.

"I haven't been getting these notices lately," I commented.

"Well, this should be a pretty good meeting. The speaker is excellent." John replied.

"I thought you usually mailed these notices. What happened? Did you run out of stamps?"

"No, we just got the notice printed too late to mail them so I'm hand deliverying them," John answered.

I didn't think much more about it and went back to work. Later that day before I left the office, I went to check my mail. There in my mailbox was the same meeting notice with a cancelled stamp. The notices had been mailed as usual. I was just another one of those inconsistncies that were common in my life. Such incidences created further depression and made it impossible for me to believe even the most trivial things people said to me. And of course, relating such an event would make me look paranoid.

I had been harassed so long by annoying phone calls that I was now afraid to answer the phone. Most of the time I would just let the phone ring. But now I noticed a new phenomenon. Whenever I picked up the phone to make a call, the dial tone caused me to have a severe reaction. The buzzing sound caused me to become fearful and my adrenalin would begin to flow. After years of answering the phone and only hearing a dial tone, I was conditioned and sensitized to the point that the mere sound of the dial tone caused a reaction.

That evening, I conveyed my new awarness of my reaction to the dial tone to my wife. As usual, she said nothing. However, the next day at work the phone rang and I decided to answer it. This time there was no one on the other end of the line, but instead of the usual dial tone, there was complete silence. From then on, whenever I did answer the phone and the party hung up, instead of a dial tone, there was silence. Again there was the implied participation of my wife, but there was nothing that I could prove. In addition, in my highly confused state, I tried to think of some reason for the change. I was too mentally screwed up to just accept it as continued harassment and terrorism.