Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Betrayal By The Person Closest to Me. How the Nazis operate.

The next day I attended the lectures and tended to stay away from people. I still couldn't understand why Anita had insisted on coming to the conference, but I called her to make sure she knew how to get there and also to remind her one last time to dress conservatively since this was a business function. The rest of the day I spent waiting for Anita to arrive. Even though I knew she was helping create my anxiety and I was angry at her, I needed someone to cling to and to ask for help. There was no one I was closer to than Anita.

Around five o'clock Anita arrived in the lobby. The first thing I noticed was that she had on her fur coat. I was angry yet so glad to see her.

"Where did you get that?" I asked.

"I got it out of storage. I thought you would like it?"

"Well, I don't need any more surprises." I exclaimed. "This conference has been a nightmare for me."

"Are you angry at me?" she queried. "What did I do?"

"Never mind. Let's just try to have a nice evening. Let's go back to the room."

We went back to the room, and I started to yell at Anita about everything. Then Anita started with what I knew was inevitable.

"Why don't you go back to see Dr. Iron?" "I'll call him and make the appointment. I'll do it tomorrow when I go back home. OK? I'll go with you."

"Yeah, create a paper history of 'mental illness' and then what do think the sick bastards will do?" I asked rhetorically.

I felt a sense of defeat again, but I was in no mood to argue. "Make the appointment and I'll go."

Since it was getting time to go to the banquet, Anita decided to change her clothes. When she came out of the bathroom she declared, "I'm ready to go!" I took one look at her and just about went into a state of shock. She was wearing a clinging, silky blouse with nothing on underneath it. It clearly showed off her ample figure. With the blouse she was wearing a tight, figure fitting skirt that was slit up to the thighs. She looked absolutely stunning, but she also looked like a high priced prostitute.

"Why the hell are you wearing that?" I yelled. I told you a dozen times to wear something conservative."

"Well this is conservative." she calmly replied. "What is the matter with what I have on?"

I couldn't believe what she was saying. Anita had gone to many business dinners with me before and she had always dressed tastefully. She definitely knew better and I could only interpret he actions as designed to make me more angry.

"I can't believe you are doing this to me." I said almost pleading.

"Russell, I don't know what you are talking about." she replied.

Her denial only served to infuriate me more. The terrible conflict which ran through me because of the love I had for my wife and the hate I had for her actions she was being forced to carry out, was enormous. Despite everything, I was determined to go to the banquet and socialize with the other RAM employees and their wives. I was determined to have Anita meet my co-workers.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Strange events.

I returned to the main building and began looking for the conference rooms. My search took me to a large hall directly across from the registration desk. The location of the room made me even more suspicious of the directions I had been given earlier.

I had difficulty concentrating on the lectures, but I managed to sit through the talks. I had lost all interest in chemistry and as I sat there, I kept thinking how useless my attendance at the conference was because "they" were going to destroy my career anyway. At the break I joined everyone else for coffee and pastries, but I found that no one wanted to talk to me. I spotted Hun Wong in the crowd and started to walk towards him to strike up a conversation. He saw me coming and quickly turned and walked away, I pursued him briefly but it became apparent that he did not want to talk to me. I stood there alone in a crowd.

Just before lunch I ran into two RAM chemists from San Fransico whom I knew. I immediately struck up a conversation with them and found out that they were attending Klaus Closeau's lithography course.

"That's right." I responed. "I forgot that Klaus always teaches that course at this conference. I didn't see any signs for it. Where is it being held?"

"It is in the other building where the rooms are." One of the chemists answered.

"That's funny. I didn't see any meeting rooms over there. Where is it?" I asked.

"You get off the elevator on the second floor and make a right. It is right there," was the reply.

I didn't think any more of it and went to the cafeteria to have lunch. At lunch I was beginning to participate in the conversation and was discussing some chemistry with on the the San Fransico chemists when I noticed his manager sitting next to him, give him a sharp rap on his leg. The chemist quickly terminated the conversation and I sat there with no one to talk to. I interpreted the chemist's sudden change in behavior to mean that I was not to be included in the conversation.

That evening after the last presentation, I headed back to my room. On the way up in the elevator, I thought I'd stop and check out the lecture room where I had been told Klaus was lecturing. I got off at the second floor and made a right and ran into a wall! There were no rooms of any kind to the right of the elevator. I looked around the rest of the hall and the halls on the next two floors, but I could not find any lecture rooms. The whole incident seemed typical of the events that were going on at the conference.

Monday, February 15, 2010

The terrorism unfolds at the conference.

When I arrived at the resort where the conference was being held, I went to the registration desk to sign-up for the conference and to get my identification badge. I was in an anxious state and expected to be told I was not registered, but the process went smoothly. Then I asked the man at the registration desk to direct me to the meeting rooms were the seminars would be held. He gave me directions and I wandered off to find the meeting rooms. I carefully followed his directions and ended up in a dead-end hallway with no conference rooms. My anxiety level immediately jumped. Had he deliberately given me wrong directions?

I abandoned my search for the meeting rooms and headed directly to my room. When I got there, I began to unpack when I was hit with a second shock. I was missing my toothbrush and shaving cream! Those were the exact two items Anita had asked me about just before I left the house. It was way too much of a coincident, and it immediately had a terrorizing effect on me. Now I knew why Anita had insisted on packing my bags.

Immediately I knew why she had packed my tennis bag! I frantically opened my tennis bag and began searching for a pair of tennis sneakers other than the new ones I had thrown in the bag at the last minute. There was no other pair of sneakers. If I had not thrown the new pair of sneakers in the bag at the last minute, I would have been unequiped to play tennis. Pat would probably have asked me to play tennis and I would have been unable to accomodate him because of lack of sneakers. So simple. Arrange a social tennis match and then make it nearly impossible for me to fulfill my part. And of course, by using my wife to complete the scenario only served to make me look paranoid. No wonder Anita had incouraged me to "disappear" days before the conference. Being forced to do these things to me could not have been easy on her.

All sorts of thoughts ran through my mind and the anxiety and fear grew. What else did my sick captors have planned for me at the conference and how much more psychological terrorism could I take? I was in a fit of rage with anger toward Anita because of what she had done, and I threw my tennis bag across the room in a mixture of anger and despair.

I returned to the main building after I had calmed down and purchashed some shaving cream and a toothbrush. When I returned to my room I took two Haldol I still had left over from when I had been seeing Dr. Iron. I had taken the Haldol with me because I was afraid that "they" were going to arrange a psychotic episode for me at the conference. The changes which had occurred at work the week prior to the conference had alerted me that something was going to happen, and now the arranged, organized events were beginning to take place.

I read today in the papers that some innocent villagers in Afghanistan had "accidentally" been killed by US military forces. From what I've read and heard, part of america's strategy is to terrorize the villagers by random killing. The reason I note this is because most people want to make some sort of political argument out such situations just as many americans feel the government was justified in tortureing me. The Bible says that Satan's last great evil empire will "persecute and spill the blood of many innocent victims". This is what america does, whether it is persecuting innocent people like me or whether america is killing innocent victims in the name of "liberty and freedom". The point is, be careful what you worship.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

How the Fascist empire hides the truth.

I was shocked that Anita would suggest that I run away, because she knew it would do no good. I had no underground connections, no real money and "they" watched everything I did. Later I will relate indisputable evidence to the extreme extent "they" monitored everything I did. But I wondered if "they" had told her to encourage me to run away, or if in the confusion of the situation Anita truly believed that running away and hiding would solve my problem. I tended to believe the former because I was aware how "they" would have people urge me to take self-destructive actions, and then the people who had suggested the action would tell me how foolish and sick I was. Destructive actions were usually encouraged throught the mind control technique of suggestion. And because of the terrible abuse I was enduring, I was readily susceptible to suggestion. The fact that I could not trust any suggestion or advice made it difficult to carry on.

It is important to note that my captors had a year at Gamma Supplies to learn everything about me before I realized I was their prisoner/slave. That fact and the immense power and resources my captors had made fleeing a stupid idea. And had I fled to some other neutral nation such as Canada or Mexico, "they" would have followed me. Many years later I had knowledgeable people tell me that "they" would follow me if I fled.

The day I was to leave for the Elville Photopolymer Conference, Anita was still begging me to take her along. Finally I relented and said she could drive up and attend the main banquet which was held on the next to last evening. Then Anita made a strange offer.

"Let me pack your suitcase," she said.

"What do you mean?" I asked increduously. "I always pack my own suitcase. I've done it a hundred times before, and I intend to do it this time. Why do you want to pack my suitcase?"

I was just trying to be nice." she replied.

Later as I was finishing my suitcase, Anita came into the bedroom.

"Are you going to take your tennis stuff?" She asked.

"No I'm not. You know Pat nor anyone else is going to play tennis with me so why should I take it?"

Anita kept after me. "Oh why don't you take it? I'll pack your tennis bag for you."

I was irritated at her insistence, but I finally agreed to let her pack my tennis bag. "Go ahead and pack it while I get some papers that I need from the living room." I told her.

While I was in the other room going through scientific papers, Anita called out, "Did you pack your toothbrush and shaving cream?"

I was really annoyed at Anita's badgering on the subject of packing and shouted back, "I packed everything I need!"

I knew I had all my toiletries packed and was becoming very suspicious of Anita's behavior. I went back into the bedroom, picked up my suitcase and tennis bag and headed out the door. As I did, I noticed my new tennis sneakers on the closet floor.

"I may as well take these new tennis shoes and break them in."

With that I threw them in the tennis bag and started to leave for Elville. Then I turned to Anita.

"Do you want to take a walk out back with Nuisance before I go?"

"OK" Anita replied.

As we walked around the woods in back of the house, I expressed my concern about what was going to happen at the conference.

"It seems like they are trying to build the anxiety up to a climax. Maybe they are trying to get me to try to commit suicide again."

Anita walked with me hand-in-hand and listened intently. Then I started to get the urge to fight back.

"Maybe I should go to the FBI. After all, even you said you believed they used Dr. Cohen to set me up the first time."

Anita reacted violently to that comment. She pulled away from me and she tried to jerk he hand from mine. Then, in a state of panic she started screaming, "I never said that! I never said that!"

I couldn't believe the fear she had. The idea of publicly supporting me was terrifying to her. For the first time I realized how scared Anita was.

"Christ," I said. "You're so scared that if they gave you a gun and told you to shoot me, you would do it! I can't believe how sick this whole thing is."

I was totally disgusted and at the same time, Anita's violent reaction to what I had said made me even more apprehensive about what was going to happen at the conference. For a minute I thought about not going, but then I would have to explain everything at work and I had no "rational" explanation for not attending the conference. I decided to go to the conference and see what was planned.

NOTE: At this point I was seriously beginning to believe that the US Nazi government in conjunction with big business was the source of all my problems. But at that point in my life I really was not politically aware, and I did not understand the true nature of a FASCIST STATE, which america is. That is a state where government and industry work hand-in-hand against the working class. Remember, this was 1980 and most americans were unaware of this fascist system. Today, although most americans refuse to call it FASCISM, people are disgusted by the government/industry cabals.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

The Conservative Nazi View of Marriage.

As the photopoymer conference grew near, the level of harassment at work was being escalated rapidly. In addition to the harassment, a sudden change in Osama's behavior took place. The week before the conference, Osama disappeared from sight. He was never in the office in the morning or late afternoon as he usually was, and I could not finnd him in the usual places such as the library or the laboratory. There were indications from items on his desk that he was at work, but for one solid week, I did not see Osama. This sudden change in behavior served to make me think of all sorts of possible reasons for the sudden change, but one thing did seem certain; his sudden disappearance was orchestrated to coincide with the increased level of harassment from other sources at work. When I asked co-workers about Osama's presence, they all expressed ignorance. It was one of those sudden changes that caused me great anxiety (see earlier posts about the effects of changes in a prisoners environment).

Another thing that bothered me was my manager Pat's almost daily insistence that I bring my tennis stuff to the conference. The contradiction between the increased level of harassment at work and Pat's social invitation was causing me great concern. I knew that "they" would not let me play tennis in that social environment, but I couldn't understand the reason for the constant insistence that I bring my tennis gear.

I tried to continue to carry out the routine things in my life, but it was becoming more and more difficult to do with the constant harassment with which I had to live. One day Anita and I were going grocery shopping and I was talking non-stop about the events at work. Finally we pulled into the parking lot and I turned off the car.

Anita sat there for a moment silent and then said, "Do you remember what your mother talked to you about? You know, if you just decided to disappear I would understand. You don't have to leave a note or anything."

Anita started to cry, "If you didn't show up at home someday, I would know what you did." she continued. The tears were flowing down her face as she finished.

"I know", was all I could reply.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

As always, one sided trust.

As the harassment increased at work again, I lost my confidence in the ability of Dr. Iron to help me. As a result I decided to spot seeing him without telling anyone of the change. To keep Anita from finding out, I would leave the house as if I were going to keep an appointment, and then I would go to my office for about an hour or so and do my accounting for my accounting course I was taking. Then I would return home. I had noted the times I left and arrived home on one of my last visits to Dr. Iron. I was careful to keep the same schedule so Anita would not become suspicious. I did this for several weeks until one day Anita said she wanted to talk to me. We sat down on the couch and she began, "You're not seeing Dr. Iron, are you?"

"Of course I am! Where do you think I go every Tuesday evening?" I replied.

"Russell, I know you are not seeing Dr. Iron."

Anita said it with such confidence that I began to believe that she really knew.

"What makes you think that?" I asked.

"I just know." Then she paused, thought for a second and continued. "I can tell by the time you leave and come back that you aren't seeing him."

I knew that couldn't be the case because of the great care I had taken to keep the times exact. Now I was becoming angry. Anita was so sure and so insistent that I was not seeing Dr. Iron that I was convinced she had been told the information to provoke and incident. I decided to admit the truth to stop the altercation.

"OK, I haven't been seeing Dr. Iron, but I would still like to know how you knew."

Anita didn't answer me, but rather she continued on almost as if she had rehearsed it.

"Russell, I'm really upset. I thought our marriage was based on trust and honesty. We are not suppose to lie to one another."

I was furious. My own wife had betrayed, terrorized and help set me up to be killed and now "they" were having her chastise me for lying to her. I knew the only was she could have known that I was not seeing Dr. Iron was by someone telling her, but I could never prove it. The incident had served its purpose. It had provoked the reaction of anger and rage, and it kept my emotions flowing at a high level.

The incident also showed how important it was for the power Nazi elite to document a history of mental illness in order to have a written record that they could always roll out if I ever did get someone to listen to me. The mental illness record was critical to their ultimate plan of getting rid of me. After all, mental illness can rationalize just about anything away.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Creation of Inner Conflict - Another Nazi technique.

To add to our finacial crunch, Anita quit her job in September to go to college. That meant we would be living on one income and would have her tuition and other college expenses over the next two years. Anita was enthusiastic about going to college to become a nurse, and it helped relieve some of her anxiety over what she would do if something did happen to me. For the short term we were giving up her income and taking on an added expense in order to insure her and hopefully our future.

In early September, I was informed that I could attend a photopolymer conference to be held in nearby Shirleyville, NY. The conference was sponsored by the Society of Professional Engineers, but in reality it was a RAM sponsored conference and was headed by Klaus Closeau and my new manager, Pat Clover. I was a little surprised that I could go and I immediately became suspicious. Not only was I told I could attend the conference, but Pat encouraged me to bring my tennis things along and invited me to play some tennis. I was really surprised at the social invitation.

That evening I informed Anita that I would be going to the conference and immediately she started pestering me to take her along. I had never taken Anita on a business trip and her sudden insistence that she accompany me caught me off guard. My initial answer was "no"!

I was becoming more and more suspicious about Anita's actions. It seemed that more and more the things I said to her were being used to irritate me at work. It was what I called "cross-over" events. At other times, Anita would console me and would acknowledge by her words and actions that I was being terrorized. It was almost as if she had a split personality. One evening we were having dinner at a local Steak House and I was talking about the one topic I always talked about.

"I just can't believe how insane "they" are to terrorize someone for such a long period of time, and they won't let me get any real help. I mean they used Dr. Cohen to help terrorize me and set me up for that suicide attempt. Can you believe they actually used him to help them?" I asked.

"Yes, I can believe it." Anita solemnly replied.

By now Anita's candid comments on the subject no longer surprised me. We were both in this together, and although I was bearing the blunt of the attack, Anita was fighting for her survival too. However, the minute I would start to trust Anita just a little too much, something would happen to destroy it and make me angery at her. In fact, it seemed as though "they" were now trying to make my wife the object of my hate and anger. What greater conflict could a man have than to hate the person he dearly loved? That hatred was being fostered by involving my wife in more and more incidences. I wasn't knowldgeable about menticide at the time, but subsequent reading on the subject revealed that the generation of inner conflict is another key element in mental torture. The greater the conflict, the more pain and torment the victim experiences. Aren't the american Nazis real sweethearts???!!!

When I relive these events as I post them, it makes me aware all over again what really sick bastards run this country. God's wrath on this nation can never be too great!!!