Saturday, October 30, 2010

Only a little left in my life to destroy.

NOTE: Sometimes people want "proof" that the Nazis controlled my mental state by manipulation of my environment. At one point I was very depressed and a psychiatristic gave me antidepressant pills to take. I went home and decided to test my beliefs. Every morning I would go into the bathroom makes some noise like I was taking a pill and then I would drop it in the toilet. Usually Anita would dutifully as me if I had take my medication to which I would say yes. Later I would flush the pill down the toilet.

After about a week of doing this, I noticed the level of harassment at work was decreasing and I was given more to do and was allowed to interact more with coworkers. Of course my mood improved. A couple of weeks later when I saw the psychiatrist, he was so pleased that the medication was working so well! That evening after my session the the doctor, I told Anita what a joke taking medication was and I told her what I had been doing. As expected, very quickly the harassment at work increased, assignments were terminated and I became depressed again. And of course the psychiatrist couldn't figure out why the medication had stopped working!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Back to my story:

Anita came to see me a couple of evenings during the week and by the end of the week she moved back in. After a week alone with no harassment, my mental state improved to the point where I could function again, and of course the voices stopped, never to be heard again. I was very depressed and annoyed at the fact that I had missed the Internal technical Liaison Conference. At the same time it didn't seem to make much of a difference since I had no future. I began to talk to Anita about getting a divorce. She was beginning to visibly show the signs of the extreme stress she had been living under and her physical and mental state seemed to be deteriorating. It was apparent to me that "they" would not stop the torture until everything in my live had been destroyed and of course that included my marriage. Anita for the first time began to reaize that a divorce was inevitable. And again this show how the ruling Nazis have absolutely not respect for anyone or anything other that satisfying their psychotic wants.

The medical department doctor at RAM had given me a clean bill of health after my week off and had allowed me to go back to work. I really had no fears this time about going back to work because I knew there would be more harassment until everything in my life had been destroyed. I was just existing until the destruction was complete.

It only took a day for the unusual events to occur. First, I received a call from a RAM employee at the Albany site who wanted a copy of the "Deep UV" paper I had given at the Internal Technical Liaison Conference! Since I had not been at the conference and someone else had given the presentation, I was a bit confused. When I asked the man how he had gotten my name, he refused to answer the question and hung up. The call seemed lik a planned psychological dig.

A couple of day later I experienced a typical coincidence. I was on the phone talking to a supplier about the Japanese product "Sel N". I wanted to know where I could get some literature on the material. I hung up and went back to work at my desk. Less that FIVE MINUTES passed and Les Lopez, who had an office on the next floor showed up at my door and started a conversation. Soon after he started talking, he mentioned "Sel N".

"If you're interested in some literature on 'Sel N', Julie Smart has it. I'm sure she'll let you look at it." Les said.

I just looked at Les with a startled look and didn't say anything. Les just turned and started to head back to his office. Then in moment of sympathy(Nazis would call it weakness) he turned and said, "Boy, and they talk about '1984'. It's already here." Remeber this was taking place in 1981.

I was surprised that Les would make such a statement, but I knew exactly what he meant. However, I knew his display of support would not be tolerated and I was a little concerned for Les. The next day I ran into Les and another co-worker in the hall. When I tried to strike up a conversation, Les answered me with some double talk that made no sense. Apparently his support and sympathy either didn't last long or he couldn't display it in the presence of a possible Nazi supporter.

Note: Many of my co-workers did not support what the Nazi rulers were doing. And frequently they would show their support in various ways.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

The Nazis have success - finally.

I existed in a state of confusion. I didn't want to be alive and I still couldn't understand why I hadn't died. If it was some sort of divine intervention that had kept me alive, I wasn't happy at all with it .

Even more confusion was created when a couple of days later I made another startling discovery. I had suffered from hemorrhoids for about fifteen years and at one point a doctor told me they would have to be removed surgically. Suddenly one day shortly after my suicide attempt I noticed my hemorrhoids were gone! I couldn't believe it. In a state of amazement I told Anita, "My hemorrhoids are gone. They've just disappeared!" For once Anita didn't question my judgment. She just stood there with a blank look on her face. She was as confused as I was. Nothing in my life made sense anymore.

Although I have never had the absence of the hemorrhoids offically medically documented, I have never had any signs or symptoms of hemorroids in the 20 plus years since that day.

I continued to go to work, but I didn't do anything. My days were filled with depression and rage and I was so angry and hateful toward RAM that all I wanted to do was create trouble. The annual Technical Liaison Conference was scheduled for the next week, and I began to plot ways to disrupt the seminar. However, I was never able to implement my plans because the Friday preceding the week of the conference I was unexpectedly called in by the medical department. The doctor told me that he thought I should take a week off from work, and when I refused he ordered a one week respite. Thus I could not attend the conference and I would not get a chance to talk with the other RAM scientists. "They" were making sure I did not cause any trouble.

Because I was so irrational and full of hate and anger, Anita moved out to a friend's house for the week. The alone was total hell, and I went truly insane. I hallucinated and heard voices for the first time in my ordeal. The five plus years of unrelenting stress and terrorism had taken its toll. I no longer could tell what was real and what wasn't, and all sort of crazy thoughts filled my head. All the years that the sick bastards had kept me under extreme stress and had distorted my world had finally paid off. "They had driven me insane." Now I was just like them!!!

Tuesday, October 12, 2010


The next day I was faced with the problem of what to do next. Anita kept urging me to go back to RAM and to ask for my job back. I resisted the idea.

"Damn it, Anita. They tortured me and drove me out and now I have to go back there and beg for my job back. And if they do give it back to me, they will tell me how wonderful they are for giving me my job back and then they'll turn around and torture me somemore."

"What else are you going to do?" she asked. In other words, I was a slave.

"I don't know," I answered.

On Monday morning I went back to RAM and asked the really sick SOB Ed James for my job back. Ed acted almost as if he had expected me back and he conveniently hadn't sent the resignation forms to personnel. After a brief conversation, my status as an IBM employee was reinstated and the whole affair was treated as if it had never resigned. It made me angry that I had to ask for my job back and that RAM came out of the whole affair looking like a saint.

And that is the whole concept behind Nazi America, look good and helpful while actually acting evil and destructive. It is the very essense of Nazi America.

Which brings me to the major point of this post. I didn't and still don't why I was alive, but I did know that there had to be a power greater than man that kept me alive. At the same time, days after my survival, I could feel, I could sense this tremendous rage by someone or something that I was still alive.
It was if there were two opposing forces, one that wanted me alive and the Nazi force that wanted me dead. And it taught one lesson that I latter learned is in the Bible and that is, NAZI AMERICA DRAWS ITS POWER AND AUTHORITY FROM THE DARK SIDE, OR AS THE BIBLE CALLS IT, SATAN. TO THIS DAY I HAVE NO DOUBT ABOUT THAT. THE RAGE I FELT WAS LIKE THE SCENE FROM "STAR WARS" WERE THE EMPIRER OF THE DARK SIDE WAS ATTACKING LUKE SKYWALKER BECAUSE HE WOULDN'T WORSHIP THE DARK SIDE. I know that sounds trivial, but as I was to find out as time went on, it is a fairly accurate picture of what life and this empire is all about.

And I was told later many times by religious people that my struggle was a classic case of good versus evil. I never considered myself particularly good, but I did know that the Nazi empire was very evil.

I urge you to read future post. It really gets even more interesting.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

The Final Solution - The Original Nazis had the same plans

Thursday was Anita's day off and we spent the day doing one thing I enjoyed most in life. That was taking a walk in the woods in the sunshine. Whenever I did that, I felt a sense of peace that I couldn't experience anywhere else. I also felt a strange closeness to Anita. Although she was my primary antagonist, I knew we were both suffering from this Nazi state imposed hell and a tragedy of any sort tend to bring people together. The only thing missing from the perfect day was Nuisance.

On Friday, September 25, 1981, Anita left for work as usual. After she left I got dressed in a suit and went downstairs to the garage. I closed both garage doors, got into my 8 cylinder Camaro, left both doors open and started the engine. Then I swallowed sixty Nardil antidepressant pills I had accumulated. I sat there for fifteen minutes as the garage filled up with smoke. I checked the time because I couldn't figure out why I wasn't getting sleepy. I opened a small jar of sulfuric acid I had with me and dropped some sodium cyanide granules in to the acid. Then I breathed the hydrogen cyanide which is the gas that is used in gas chambers. I sat there for another fifteen minutes and nothing happened! I waited another five to ten minutes and then shut off the car engine. The garage was completely engulfed in smoke, I had taken an overdose of a drug and had breathed cyanide and I felt fine!!!

I got out of the car and went into the house in a total state of confusion. I had no idea what was going on, but I felt fine. I didn't know what to do. I had been so certain that I would die that I never considered the impossibility that I would continue to live. I felt totally defeated. I couldn't even die.

About an hour later I began to feel dizziness from what I believe was low blood pressure from the Nardil I had taken. I laid down in the bed and fell asleep. That afternoon when Anita came home the house still reeked of exhaust fumes. Anita came running into the bedroom.

"What did you do?!" She screamed.

"I tried to kill myself, but I couldn't die." I answered.

"Well, I'd better call Dr. Cohn."

"No, don't do that. He'll just put me in the hospital again and you know how worthless that is."

"OK, but promise me you won't do that again."

I half laughed and said, "What good would that do? I can't die anyway. What the hell is going on?"

I still was a little light headed from the Nardil, and Anita helped me up to go to the bathroom. "Anita," I asked. "What is going on? I can understand the problems with big business, RAM and the government, but now this. What's happening?"

I don't know but it's discouraging isn't it?" She responded.

We didn't discuss the events anymore and I fell off to sleep and slept the rest of the evening.

NOTE: Wait til you see how the Nazis react to my still being alive!

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Hide the truth - Sick, Evil people don't want the truth to be known about them!

The next week I spent trying to relax and to plan the best way to kill myself. I want the act of death to be painless so I devised three ways to commit suicide. The one thing I didn't want to happen was to fail and end back up in a hospital. Since I planned on having the diary I had kept from June to September 1980 with me when I died,I went to get the diary from the top of my wife's dresser only to find it was gone. The top of the dresser was about eight feet high and had a edging around it so that nothing on top of the dresser could be seen and I hadn't told Anita where I had put it. I spent the rest of the day going through the house trying to find the diary in case the Nazis had just moved it, but it was missing. Suddenly my thought became focused on the urgency to find the diary.

When Anita came home from work that evening, I began questioning her.

"Have you seen my diary?" I asked.

"No. Why? she responded it.

"Well, those sick bastards stole it!"

"Russell, no one stole your diary." Anita meekly responded.

"It was right up there," I said pointing to the top of the dresser.

"Are you sure?" Maybe it's in the attic."

"I looked up there, damn it. I know it was on top of the dresser because I was looking at it a few weeks ago. "They" stole it just like they took the one I kept at Costeal. I know what I'll do, I'll call the police and report it missing. At least the theft will be documented." (Note, several years later I did report items the sickos were stealing from me and it resulted in the police harassing me!)

"Russell, they will just laugh at you." Anita pointed out.

She was right, and the sense of defeat that I had felt so often came over me. "They did whatever they wanted and when it became necessary to destroy documents to protect their story, "they" proceeded to do it. Any future reference to the destroyed documents were ignored as if the items had never existed. Whoever was responsible for my destruction lived in a fantasy world because they could make the world however they wanted it to be. And the cowardly amerikans just who go along with it. Amerikans really deserve any hell they get. The theft of the diary destroyed the only written record of the daily harassment, psychological torture and distortions of reality to which I was continually subjected. And it was the daily torture that was the basis of my created "mental illness". It was discouraging and frustrating too that Anita continued to support ridiculous positions like stating that I had misplaced the diary. Somehow it all seemed irrelevant since I knew I was going to die in a couple of days.

The stealing of the diaries also made it impossible for me or anyone else to take any legal action later against the Nazi loving corporations when I would no longer be able to work. The Nazis had only one desire - get rid of the truth about them and Nazi amerika! That meant get rid of me.