Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Depression follows constant harassment.

One of the things that always bothered me about my captors and tormentors is that like Darth Korey, these people really believed that they were geniuses, and superior people to the common workers like me. In reality, what they were doing to me with their mind games in their effort to make me crazy was really no different than what you might see in some B movie where the relatives of a rich aunt try to drive her crazy by arrangeing events in her life. You know, the scene where the aunt walks in a room and sees a body hanging from the chandilier. She then runs screaming from the room to get help and when she returns with witnesses, the body is gone! Then the people around her tell how sick she is and that she needs help and should be confined to a hospitial. Eventually, the rich aunt starts to believe that there is something wrong with her and that she needs help. The whole idea of driving me crazy was not very original and only required my inprisonment to carry out the scheme.

Back to my story:

I continued to get more and more depressed and I felt less and less anxious about events. I felt I had been terrorized so much that my body no longer reacted to the external stimulus and threats in a defensive manner, but rather everything just caused me to become more depressed. As an example, one evening I was running around our housing development for exercise when a large black dog came out of nowhere and ran straight at me with its teeth showing and barking loudly. I came to a slow stop and stared at the dog who quickly retreated and then I continued on my way. As I continued on my way, I realized that the dog attack had not caused any reaction in me. I had felt no fear, no adrenalin rush and no I had no made any attempt to protect myself. I was just dead inside! Maybe my total lack of fear is why the dog cut off its attack so quickly.

In late October Dr. Iron finally prescribed an antidepressant. When he gave me the prescription, I remarked that he had waited so long that I was so depressed I didn't think the pills would do any good. He gave me some lame excuse for not giving the pills earlier, but in reality he had no good reason for waiting so long. My unhappiness over the inability to get proper treatment was slowly turning into hostility and I was beginning to express my anger toward Dr. Iron. I would have readily found a new doctor if I thought it would have done any good, but I knew the Nazi government controlled everything and the results would be the same regardless of who the doctor was. (I will relate later an incident which clearly demonstrates the extent to which the Nazi goverment monitored and controlled everything in my life).

As soon as I went on the antidepressants, the level of harassment went down at work, and natually my spirits picked up a little. Dr. Iron used my slight improvement as proof that the medication was helping treat my "illness". I was convinced that I was merely reponding to my environment, and that if the level of harassment increased again, my condition would deteriorate again. (Being a scientist, I later devised an experiment that demonstrated that my version of events was correct.) About two weeks later the level of harassment at work did pick up, and I became deeply depressed. Dr. Iron in response to my increasedf depression concluded he had used the wrong antidepressant.

Monday, June 21, 2010

Mind contol through suggestion.(Mental torture)

The suggestions that I would become a manager were becoming more and more bazzar. My mail almost daily contained something dealing with executive items such as notepads, record books or briefcases. The sudden influx of such junk mail at the time when there was a management opening seemed too coincidental, but I couldn't accept the fact that someone would make such an effort to drive me crazy. The sudden influx of executive materials was similar to when I was appointed Assistant Professor at the U. of Florida. At that time I became inundated with free books and all sorts of instructor teaching aids. The difference was that the teaching aids and book offers corresponded to my actually being appointed Assistant Professor.

However absurd, the suggestions kept on coming that I was going to be a manager. One morning I came into my office and found a security violation notice on a a file cabinet. Security personnel would routinely check offices at night to make sure everything was locked. If a violation was found, they left you a notice of the security violation and then they would send a copy to your manager. In this instance, both the employees copy and the manager's copy were left on the cabinet. My first thought was that it was another subtle suggestion about the management job, but then the more I thought about it the more I rationalized that the security guard probably inadvertently left me the manager's copy.

Three days later I walked into my office and found my new office partner loudly complaining about a security violation he had just received. The violation notice had been marked "desk open", but the actual violation had been my file cabinet which had been unlocked again.

"Did they leave you the manager's copy?" I asked.

"No, but I'm going to try to get this changed because it is your violation", my office partner replied.

"Oh, if you do that, that will be the second security violation for me this week. I don't understand it. I could have sworn I locked that file cabinet last night." I said in a pleading voice.

In my confused state I really wasn't that positive, but the two violations in three days seemed strange. I sat down at my desk, unlocked it, and opened the top right drawer to get some papers on which to work. There, laying on the top of everything was the MANAGER'S COPY of my office partner's security violation! I started to cry. I couldn't even begin to figure how "they" had coordinated everything, but my receiving the manager's copy was no accident. The effect on me was devastating.

NOTE: Most amerikans have no idea how mind control works, but an essential element is that the victims continually hear the same message over and over again in different forms. The mantra is repeated incessantly until the victims believe what they are being told and accept it as "truth". One of those mantras heard by the general public is that "reducing taxes", especially on the wealthy, is a cure for all sorts of economic and political problems. That is all the public ever hears and many people automatically just accept it as a "truth". There is no thought involved.
In my case, I was continually being told I was going to be made a manager by suggestion(another key element of mind control)in an effort to get me to believe it. Then when I wasn't made manager, I could be told I was crazy for thinking I was going to be made a manager. It was a constant mind game to drive me permanently insane.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Ostracize the victim.

The next week I met with Ed and we talked for over an hour about his philosophy on management and the direction he thought his new research area should take. After he was finished I started to leave his office and was just about out the door when Ed stopped me.

"Russ, I'll be back in touch with you," and he winked. "You know we do have a management position open."

I left feeling his parting comment was meant to raise my hopes about the management position. About a week went by and I did not see or hear from Ed. Then one day as I went to check my mail, I ran into Ed. As we entered the secretarial room I said "Hi Ed." Ed said nothing and ignored me and refused to acknowledge my presence. As we went to the mail boxes, I repeated my greeting. Again he ignored me and refused to acknowledge my presence. As he started to leave his office, I stepped into his path, forcing him to stop. "Hi Ed!" I said challengingly. He refused to even look up at me. He stepped sideways and walked out of the office. I was furious. I remembered how upset Osama had gotten when I only had given a faint acknowledgement of his presence. Now Ed's actions were outrageous and I was mad.

Ed's failure to acknowledge me somehow made me aware of the fact that none of the secretaries acknowledged me either. I noticed when other people walked into the secretarial pool office, the secretaries would exchange pleasantries and strike up conversations. However, when I walded in, they avoided me. I thought about it for a moment and then dismissed it as a result of my being too suspicious.

I probably would have forgotten all about it except a couple of days later I was walking down the hallway when I passed on of the secretaries. She gave me a big smile and said "hi". I couldn't help but notice the difference in her behavior. That day when I walked in the secretarial pool, all the sectretaries said hello and were friendly. It was if their change in behavior had been done on cue, and it emphasized how much I had been avoided the previous couple of weeks. Over a period of time the secretaries had slowly avoided me and I was hardly aware of the change, but the sudden sharp reversal in behavior made the difference very noticeable. It seemed unbelievable that "they" would orchestrate such actions, but the changes in behavior were too deliberate and abrupt to be normal. It was a repeat scenarios of the behavior changes that had been orchestrated at Gamma Supplies and it was all designed to create confusion in my mind and to make me sound crazy if I told someone what was being done.

Later on in these posts, I will relate repeated incidences of theft that on the surface would sound like the rantings of a crazy person unless you know the powerful psychological effects behind the sick actions. The above actions by the people around me also were designed to create powerful psychological reactions. The really sick thing about my tormenters is that they believe because they had a "reason" and "purpose" for what they were doing that it made them "sane". In fact, psychopaths and sociopaths always believe that what they do is rational and for a good purpose. They never consider their actions or themselves to be demented.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Different Day, SOS

In the sometimes war like situation that was created between Anita and me, we developed our own way of communicating to each other without saying anything. In one instance I was carrying on about being ostracised from society.

"Damn them!" I said. "They have people avoid me and terrorize me and they "they" have the psychiatrist say it's because I'm mentally ill. "They won't let anyone come in my house just like they did at Gamma Supplies. Maybe I should throw a party and invite everyone at work to come to the party. I wonder what "they" would do? How would "they" get out of that one? That's what I'm going to do. Tomorrow I'm going to invite everyone at work to a party here next weekend."

Anita was sitting on the couch and she just looked at me as if to say, "what are you trying to do? Get yourself killed?" She didn't have to say anything because I could see what she was thinking. She was right. No matter what I did, I was going to lose. The Nazi amerikan government/corporate state was going to destroy me or kill me no matter what I did. And without saying a word and with a single look, Anita had stopped my great idea.

At work, the organizational changes and growth in my area continued, and in September 1980 a new second level manager was named to replace John Loser. His new replacement Ed James was a seasoned RAM veteran and had been a manager in my technical area previously. As a result, I did anticipate any dramatic changes in my area.

Ed held the usual area meeting to introduce himself, and then he presented an organizational chart. As part of his new organization, he was creating a new department for which he announced he would be seeking a new manager. When he made the announcement, my heart sank because I knew "they" would try to get me to believe I was being considered for the job just as I was going to be the new "Technical Director" at Gamma Supplies. No matter how rediculous it sounded given my situation, "they" would try to get me to believe I was being considered for the job. As expected, during the next few weeks coworkers would comment that they heard I was being considered for the management job. Just the fact that suggestions(a key element in mental torture) were made caused me to become more depressed. Then in early October, I received a note in my mail that said Ed James wanted to meet with me. When I checked with the secretary she said it was a routine skip-level interview, and that the purpose was to acquaint Ed with his new personnel.

The Nazis always took every advantage to recreate situations that had happened at Gamma Supplies. It was part of the mind control conditioning that they were doing to create "permanent mental illness". Interestingly, last night there was a show on the Nazi government's gestapo agency, the CIA and their experiments in mind control and what they did to their victims in the '60s and '70s. Of course these experiments were illegal and their victims were US citizens living within the US boundaries. The experiments were described as barbaric and inhumane and worse than those carried out by the previous Nazi regime, Hitler's Germany. I was now a victim of those experimental results that were being put to practical real life use to destroy human life.

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Another No-Win or Psychological Double-Bind Situation

"The cost per day of the oil spill to BP so far has been $16 million. That number is dwarfed by the $66 million per day the firm made in profit in the first quarter of this year. Indeed, in 2009 BP's total profits were $14 billion. As CNN's Christine Romans notes, even if the cleanup costs were to rise to $14 billion, it would simply mean that BP went one year without make a profit, let alone losing money."

So why is it that the amerikan government decided that BP and other oil companies should have such a limited liability of only 75 million dollars TOTAL? Who will end up paying for the rest of the clean-up? YOU, the people of the working class. This is what fascism is: government and corporations that work together to the detriment of the working class - class warfare, a forbidden term in Nazi amerika. I am a victim of this facist system where government and corporations worked hand in hand to enrich corporate coffers at the expense of my marriage, family, career, friends and health. Some system, huh? The same amerikan system that you have been taught and are demanded to worship. WAKE UP AMERICANS!

Back to my story:

At home, my life was not any better. Our social life had all but disappeared when Anita came home one day and unexpectedly said we were invited to go to a barbecue at the Van Doren's on the weekend.

"Do you want to go?' she asked.

Anita knew I had frequently accused the Van Doren's of having drugged me on our another visit to their house and she and "they" must have expected a negative answer from me. Of course, this was a perfect psychological double-bind or a no win situation. Do I avoid contact with people who I greatly disliked or do I accept the only opportunity for social interaction? I assumed that was the reason for the invitation.

I thought for a moment and then said, "It'll be fun to socialize for a change. Sure I'll go."

Anita was taken back by my answer. "You will?!" She asked in disbelief.

"Sure." I answered. "I'm looking forward to it."

The invitation was a typical no win situation that Darth Korey mentioned my first few days at Gamma Supplies years before. Not that the destruction of my life was preplanned or that I would remember Darth mentioning that!!!!! Darth couldn't help but brag to and taunt his victims.

If I let my anger and hate dictate my decision and said no, then Anita and Dr. Iron could say I had no social life because of my "mental illness". If I said yes, I would put myself in a very unpleasant situation. No-win!

A couple of days went by and Anita didn't say anything more about the barbecue. I began to thinking she was hoping that I had forgotten about it. Since I wasn't going to let it slip by I brought up the subject.

"Are we still going to the barbecue Saturday?" I asked.

"Oh, I forgot to tell you. I called Jane today and she said they changed it to next weekend." Anita offered.

"OK. But don't forget it though. I really want to go." I replied.

I could tell Anita felt uncomfortable about my enthusiasm for attending the barbecue. By now, either Anita and/or "they" had expected me to turn down the offer, and now that I had accepted , the game became to find a way to keep me from attending.

Another week went by and again Anita said nothing. Finally on Friday I said, "Are we going to the barbecue tomorrow?" Anita was visibly annoyed by my insistence.

"Oh, they had to change it again. It is going to be in two weeks."

I knew I was never going to that barbecue, but I kept asking about it all summer. After two months of asking, the barbecue was cancelled until next summer. The whole incident had been a "no-win" situation for me.
For those that don't remember, psychologists call no-win situations a psychological double-bind. Psychological double-binds are thought to be a major contributor to schizophrenic behavior. These no-win situations were a key element in the Nazis attempt to drive me permanently insane.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Having the rug pulled out from beneath me.

I commented in the previous post that the amerikan Nazi government hates and fears the truth. They also hate justice. The two go hand in hand. Their hatred of justice can be seen almost every day with Nazi bombardments about how lawsuit settlements must be stopped or curbed. Remember, in the current BP oil "spill" the corporate liability in capped BY LAW to seventy five million dollars. Of course, lawsuits are about the only avenue the average amerikan has left to seek justice in this fascist system. The ruling amerikan nazis want to put and end to that avenue of justice. And, in a civil lawsuit the TRUTH just might emerge which goes back to my opening statement. I repeat: the ruling fascist elite hate truth and justice.

Back to my story:

I continued to be depressed and my anger was now limited to yelling sessions at my wife. One morning as I was getting dressed I began yelling about how my career had been destroyed and how I didn't have any vacation time because I kept taking days off when I was too depressed to go to work. I continued to harp on the vacation time as I left the house.

I had no more arrived at work and was sitting at my desk when my new manager, Laurie Bushell called.

"Good morning, Russ! How would you like to go to San Francisco for a week?" she asked.

"What do you mean?" I asked in a startled voice.

"Do you want to go to the ACS meeting in San Francisco at the end of August?"

"Sure." I answered. "What do I have to do?"

"Just write me a short request in memo form and you can go. It's all approved."

The timing of the call and my conversation with Anita that morning seemed very coincidental(a elipse or a circle!), but even without the coincidence, I was very skeptical that RAM was going to send me to San Francisco. Nevertheless I wrote the request as I had been instructed. That day I checked around and found that Osama and two other members from my area were going. I was also told that one of the people going had seen the "approved list" and that my name was indeed on the list. I still remained skeptical because when "they" wanted me to believe something "they" frequently supported what I was to believe with several confirming sources.

A couple of days later, Laurie called me and said I was also to go to RAM in San Jose the week prior to the ACS meeting. I was to attend a RAM review meeting with John Loser, who was my second level manager. Later, Laurie told I had to be in San Jose on August 28 and 29 because John was going to be there on those dates. I felt more and more that I was being toyed with. I had been promised trips to San Jose at least four different times in the past, but the trip was always cancelled at the last minute and I never got to go.

I decided to check with the receptionist who handled all flight arrangements in the department about John Loser's flight plans. She would know who was going to San Jose and "they" probably had not thought to cover up that end of the plan. Sure enough, John Loser had plans for a flight to San Jose on August 4th and was scheduled to return on August 6th. He had no other flights scheduled to San Jose in August. Despite my confirmed suspicions, I mad all the necessary arrangements and even change my own plans to get away for a few days just to accommodate the business trip. I was going to San Jose and San Francisco at the end of August.

In early August, the ACS meeting was moved to Las Vegas because of a hotel worker's strike in San Francisco. I knew this would give my Nazi tormentors an excuse to prohibit me from attending the meeting. Laurie immediately informed me that I probably could not attend the meeting because of the increase in cost. I sat down and calculated that it would cost a maximum of $43.00 more to go the Las Vegas/San Jose compared to the trip to San Francisco/San Jose. In RAM $43.00 isn't even noticed on an expense account - it's pocket change. I wrote a memo to the effect that the cost difference was minimal and offered to pay any difference in cost. On August twelfth, John Loser informed me the trip to Las Vegas/San Jose "could not be justified". When he told me, tears swelled in my eyes at the disappointment. As usual I had been made a promise and then it was pulled out from under me. Laurie said she would check with John again, but two days later the answer came back that I could not go.

Now everything would have seemed almost "normal" except that OSAMA and OTHER DEPARTMENT MEMBERS DID MAKE THE TRIP. No explaination was given as to why their trip was justified and mine was not.

Note added: In Amerika if you survive Nazi torture, you are still a political prisoner for life which means the Nazis keep you impoverished and still harass you. Now some 30 years later, it would appear the Nazis are still trying to stop me from taking a trip that I have planned. They don't get any sicker than the Amerikan ruling fascists.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

More frustration

I decided the best way to keep my sanity was to bury myself in my work in mid-1980 I began directing all my efforts towards my research. Within a month the results were noticeable. I could tell by the length and quality of my monthy report that I had accomplished quit a bit. I felt good about my work and there seemed to be little that "they" could do to effect my research.

Then, a couple of days after I had handed in the lenghty report, a safety violation was found in my general working area and the laboratory was closed! The violation was trivial and could have easily been cleaned up. At first it was suppose to be for a few days, but when no progress was made after a week, I became suspicious. Interestingly, the only area of the laboratory to be shut down was the exact area that I worked in. I complained to management and wrote memos, but I was not given any new area to work. For a month I sat at my desk and did very little while the laboratory was closed. As I sat there doing nothing, I became more depressed and couldn't help but think that "they" had decided I was being too productive and that my work had to be stopped. A month later my section of the laboratory was reopened. The only real change that had occurred was in my diminished enthusiasm for my work.

Killing my enthusiasm for my work was a crushing blow and it made me angry. For the first time in a long while, I felt like fighting back. I knew the one thing the Nazis feared more than anything was the truth, and I was the only one who could and would tell the truth. Since I was concerned that as the years went by, and my mental health continued to deteriorate that I would be unable to recall what had happened I decided to keep another diary and document the happenings. I knew the diary could alway be stolen like the last one, but I believed that to steal the diary containing events occurring at RAM would be too strong of an implication of RAM's involvement. I would however, make an effort to protect the diary. I also wanted to my thoughts down in order to have some record of how I perceived events and how my emotions changed and were manipulated by by environment. Since I didn't want my beliefs and thoughts to be used to manipulate me even more than I was already being manipulated, I wanted to try to keep the diary in a secure place. With that in mind, I began to keep my second diary in late June, 1980.