"Please help me. I'm so depressed." I pleaded.
"I'll be right over to take you to the hospital," she said.
I hated the thought of going into the hospital again, but I didn't know what else to do. The hospital was the only place where I would be free from the daily harassment. However, as soon as I came out and went back into the work place, the torture would start up again. I really didn't care. I just couldn't take it anymore.
On the evening of December 16, 1980, Anita took me to the St. Francis hospital where I was admitted to the mental health ward on the basis that I was suicidal. What a coincidence that it was right before the Christmas holidays and remember, Dr. Iron didn't want to give me antidepressants because I wasn't depressed enought! Now I was
being volutarily confined to a hospital.
In the hospital, the sense of relief from the daily harassment was go great that I didn't mind the fact that I was imprisoned again. I had so little control over my life that I just accepted everything the way any beaten prisoner must learn to accept the dictates of his captors.
On the second day at the hospital, Dr. Padua saw me. Dr. Padua was an attractive Indian female who had a very quiet, easy-going diposition. In my initial interview with her, I didn't even try to explain that I was there because of four years of incessant mental torture. I just stated that I was depressed and felt paranoid.
I was put on a high dosage of Haldo again and a new antidepressant, Ascendin. I warned the doctors and nurses that I had a high sensitivity to drugs, but my warnings were ignored. Of course I was crazy; what would I know. After a couple of days, I began to exhibit all forms of side effects. When I complained to the nurses, I was told the side effects were "normal". On the fifth day I awoke with the strange sensation that I wanted to swallow my tongue. At first I ignored it, but within thirty minutes the sensation became so strong I was beginning to choke. I informed the nurses and a doctor and they told me to go lie down. I went to my room and lied down, but the symptoms got worse. Suddenly I went into convulsions and started choking. Another patient rushed to get a nurse who came rushing to my room. Finally a second nurse showed up and gave me a shot to counteract the drugs I was taking. Within five minutes the convulsions and choking stopped. After that episode, the nurses and doctors believed me when I said I was sensitive to the drugs and they carefully monitored my medications.
The lack of external stimuli coupled with my desire to get out of the hospital before Christmas resulted in a marked improvement in my condition. I was no longer
suicidal, but I was a long way from felling well. Dr. Padua also felt I had made remarkable progress and she agreed to release me the day before Christmas. The conditions of my release were that I did not return to work until after the first of the year and that I continue to see Dr. Agrawal. I agreed and was released after a one week stay in the hospital.
Anita joined me for Christmas at my parents house and after spending several days there, Anita, Nuisance and I returned to our home. Our "family" was back in tack, and I was home again.
My experience has taught me that the Nazi government really despises the family unit because it provides support for people and it give them a strong foundation. This makes people less susceptible to Nazi propaganda and indoctrination. And I truly believe that the ruling fascists have caused a break down in "family values" in amerika. And I'm not the first or only person who believes this.
Friday, July 30, 2010
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Isolated again
We continued to discuss the best solution for the immediate problem and finally we decided Anita would move out and would go live with a friend from school until the crisis was over. That would insure her safety and cause the least problems for both of us. The next day Anita packed her books and clothes and left. She left me a phone number where I could reach her, but I did not know where she was going.
That weekend I took our dog to my parents place and left her there. I so afraid that because of the Nazi torture at the holidays that I might go into a fit of rage, kick her and hurt her. I wanted Nuisance, my dog to be safe. I barely talked to my parents because I didn't know what to say. I was being tortured and there was nothingh my parents could do about it.
I left on Sunday evening and headed back home. That evening I got several harassing phone calls where the party on the other end hung up when I answered the phone. In anger I jerked the phone jack out of the wall to stop the calls. I was totally isolated from the outside world. I concluded from the calls they wouldn't stop harassing and terrorizing me until "they" had killed me.
The strange thing about all of this is that the Nazis had all that they needed. They had my signed deposition which could be(and eventually would be) used in their patent infringement lawsuit, and they had a documented history of mental illness to negate anything I might say. But the amerikan Nazis were(and always will be) driven by an insane, obsessive hatred and nothing would extinguish that hatred. I believe that even my death would not have satisfied them. Their obsessive hatred towards me was like that of Hitler's toward the Jews. I was to blame for all of the Nazis problems just like the Jews were to blame for Germany's and his problems. Isn't that always the case for irresponsible people - it's someone elses fault. "The fault is not in the heavens and stars......."
Every day was living hell, and the next week I struggled through each day. I was so depressed I did nothing except eat and sleep. My behavior behavior was becoming more irrational. One evening I went out to a local lounge and went dancing. First, when I was dancing with other women, I got a sense of getting even with Anita for the hell she had helped make out of my life. Second, doing something random like going out danceing, I felt free and non-threatened. On Saturday I took two hundred dollars and went to the race track and lost it all. I had never lost more than about twenty dollars at the track, but the large monetary loss had no meaning to me if I was a dead man anyway. On Sunday I drove up to my parents house to get Nuisance. I missed having her around the house and I wanted her back. However, my parents argued against the idea and I returned home alone. When I got home, I called Anita on the repaired phone and started crying.
That weekend I took our dog to my parents place and left her there. I so afraid that because of the Nazi torture at the holidays that I might go into a fit of rage, kick her and hurt her. I wanted Nuisance, my dog to be safe. I barely talked to my parents because I didn't know what to say. I was being tortured and there was nothingh my parents could do about it.
I left on Sunday evening and headed back home. That evening I got several harassing phone calls where the party on the other end hung up when I answered the phone. In anger I jerked the phone jack out of the wall to stop the calls. I was totally isolated from the outside world. I concluded from the calls they wouldn't stop harassing and terrorizing me until "they" had killed me.
The strange thing about all of this is that the Nazis had all that they needed. They had my signed deposition which could be(and eventually would be) used in their patent infringement lawsuit, and they had a documented history of mental illness to negate anything I might say. But the amerikan Nazis were(and always will be) driven by an insane, obsessive hatred and nothing would extinguish that hatred. I believe that even my death would not have satisfied them. Their obsessive hatred towards me was like that of Hitler's toward the Jews. I was to blame for all of the Nazis problems just like the Jews were to blame for Germany's and his problems. Isn't that always the case for irresponsible people - it's someone elses fault. "The fault is not in the heavens and stars......."
Every day was living hell, and the next week I struggled through each day. I was so depressed I did nothing except eat and sleep. My behavior behavior was becoming more irrational. One evening I went out to a local lounge and went dancing. First, when I was dancing with other women, I got a sense of getting even with Anita for the hell she had helped make out of my life. Second, doing something random like going out danceing, I felt free and non-threatened. On Saturday I took two hundred dollars and went to the race track and lost it all. I had never lost more than about twenty dollars at the track, but the large monetary loss had no meaning to me if I was a dead man anyway. On Sunday I drove up to my parents house to get Nuisance. I missed having her around the house and I wanted her back. However, my parents argued against the idea and I returned home alone. When I got home, I called Anita on the repaired phone and started crying.
Friday, July 23, 2010
The Rage Grows
My depression continued to grow despite the antidepressant pills. I was becoming more angry and violent prone each day because of my inability to stop my tormentors. Finally one night as I was getting ready for bed I exploded and started yelling at Anita.
"Damn them! They'll never stop torturing me! They will just keep it up until they kill me. Who the hell is behind it?! Who has that much power and is so sick that they would torture someone for over four years?"
Anita was frightened by my rage and she said nothing. Then I turned to her. "You know who is responsible for this. Tell me who it is. I'll kill the son-of-a bitches."
"I don't know what you are talking about," Anita replied timidly.
I became furious and pushed her onto the bed. I was standing over her and yelling, "tell me who it is. You know because you've been helping them. You have to talk to someone," I screamed.
Anita started pleading with me. "I don't know who "they" are. I really don't. Please let me up. I'm scared."
I calmed down long enough to let her up. Then the realization of how violent I was becoming became evident to me and I became concerned for Anita's safety. I calmed down long enough to let he up.
"Maybe I should get a place to stay for awhile so I'm alone and won't hurt anyone." I said in a calm voice.
"Where would you go?" Anita asked.
"I don't know. I can find a room or something until the holidays are over. You know how they like to terrorize me around Christmas. That's part of the scenario they use. If "they" hold true to form, things will improve in January. I can find a place until then."
"Why don't you go to the hospital?" Anita suggested. That comment made me angry again.
"Is that what the high level of harassment is for this time? To get me back in the hospital around the holidays so they can document my illness more and tell me how sick I am?"
NOTE: As I pointed out in previous posts, terrorism is most effective when the source of the terrorism is unknown to the victim. When the terrorists are unidentified, the victim can't stike back directly at the terrorists nor can the victim take actions to defend themselves. In my case, if I had known early on that the amerikan Nazi government was involved, I might have considered moving out of the country as one of the best and first solutions. It was my indoctrinated belief in the lies about the americkan system that kept me here senselessly trying to defuse the situation.
In my previous blog I noted the story about the Iranian scientist who had been kidnapped or lured to the US and then mentally tortured to get him to publically state what the Nazis wanted him to say about the Iranian nuclear program. And all the while he was here, everything was controlled by his captors.
Compare this to what was done to me. I was lured to a position and promised many things initally to keep me there, I was brutally mentally torture so my captors could program my testimony for a Federal trial. And to this day, my captors totally control my environment.
What is most interesting about this is that the Iranian scientist was to be used to do damage to a country identified as an enemy state. I was an amerikan scientist was to be used by the ruling fascists for the ruling elite against the interests of the working class - this is commonly referred to class warfare.
In other words torture is just another useful tool to be used by the Nazi state against anyone for any reason!
"Damn them! They'll never stop torturing me! They will just keep it up until they kill me. Who the hell is behind it?! Who has that much power and is so sick that they would torture someone for over four years?"
Anita was frightened by my rage and she said nothing. Then I turned to her. "You know who is responsible for this. Tell me who it is. I'll kill the son-of-a bitches."
"I don't know what you are talking about," Anita replied timidly.
I became furious and pushed her onto the bed. I was standing over her and yelling, "tell me who it is. You know because you've been helping them. You have to talk to someone," I screamed.
Anita started pleading with me. "I don't know who "they" are. I really don't. Please let me up. I'm scared."
I calmed down long enough to let her up. Then the realization of how violent I was becoming became evident to me and I became concerned for Anita's safety. I calmed down long enough to let he up.
"Maybe I should get a place to stay for awhile so I'm alone and won't hurt anyone." I said in a calm voice.
"Where would you go?" Anita asked.
"I don't know. I can find a room or something until the holidays are over. You know how they like to terrorize me around Christmas. That's part of the scenario they use. If "they" hold true to form, things will improve in January. I can find a place until then."
"Why don't you go to the hospital?" Anita suggested. That comment made me angry again.
"Is that what the high level of harassment is for this time? To get me back in the hospital around the holidays so they can document my illness more and tell me how sick I am?"
NOTE: As I pointed out in previous posts, terrorism is most effective when the source of the terrorism is unknown to the victim. When the terrorists are unidentified, the victim can't stike back directly at the terrorists nor can the victim take actions to defend themselves. In my case, if I had known early on that the amerikan Nazi government was involved, I might have considered moving out of the country as one of the best and first solutions. It was my indoctrinated belief in the lies about the americkan system that kept me here senselessly trying to defuse the situation.
In my previous blog I noted the story about the Iranian scientist who had been kidnapped or lured to the US and then mentally tortured to get him to publically state what the Nazis wanted him to say about the Iranian nuclear program. And all the while he was here, everything was controlled by his captors.
Compare this to what was done to me. I was lured to a position and promised many things initally to keep me there, I was brutally mentally torture so my captors could program my testimony for a Federal trial. And to this day, my captors totally control my environment.
What is most interesting about this is that the Iranian scientist was to be used to do damage to a country identified as an enemy state. I was an amerikan scientist was to be used by the ruling fascists for the ruling elite against the interests of the working class - this is commonly referred to class warfare.
In other words torture is just another useful tool to be used by the Nazi state against anyone for any reason!
Sunday, July 18, 2010
The Nazis now had their perfect cover.
I found this interesting article about a man who claims the Nazis controlled everything in his life while in the US. He also claimed to have been mentally tortured. REALLY. The US Nazi government would do that?
"Iranian scientist Shahram Amiri, who disappeared last year and resurfaced last week in the Pakistani embassy, claims the CIA kidnapped and tortured him mentally and physically.
He recently flew back to Tehran and told reporters, "The Americans wanted me to say that I defected to America of my own will to use me for revealing some false information about Iran's nuclear work. But with God's will, I resisted." He denies being involved in Iran's nuclear program and contends he was working as a researcher at a university.
He also claims, "I have some documents proving that I've not been free in the United States and have always been under the control of armed agents of US intelligence services."
Back to my story:
I left Dr. Iron's home feeling crushed again. I knew that it was unlikely the FBI would take any action against RAM, but the ease with which my complaint was dismissed was depressing and for the first time I began to seriously consider the government as the real source of my problems. I had often suspected that, but now I was certain. Agent Blue seemed like he had been briefed prior to my arrival at his office, and his apparent acceptance of my "mental illness problems" seemed to pat.
My "mental illness" had been so well documented and supported over such a long period of time that it could now be used as an excuse for anything. My mental illness had been made real through official documentation. Of course, that was the original plan that I agreed to in order to keep my career, but as usual, as soon as the subhuman scum Nazis got what they wanted, they went on with their agenda to totally eliminate me. The "mental illness" scenario could be used as an excuse for anything such as my loss of job, divorce and/or my death. The amerikan Nazis government was now in position to finish me off and wipe their bloody hands clean of trial rigging, torture and murder. But because the Nazis are servants of evil there was one thing that they did not count on.
"Iranian scientist Shahram Amiri, who disappeared last year and resurfaced last week in the Pakistani embassy, claims the CIA kidnapped and tortured him mentally and physically.
He recently flew back to Tehran and told reporters, "The Americans wanted me to say that I defected to America of my own will to use me for revealing some false information about Iran's nuclear work. But with God's will, I resisted." He denies being involved in Iran's nuclear program and contends he was working as a researcher at a university.
He also claims, "I have some documents proving that I've not been free in the United States and have always been under the control of armed agents of US intelligence services."
Back to my story:
I left Dr. Iron's home feeling crushed again. I knew that it was unlikely the FBI would take any action against RAM, but the ease with which my complaint was dismissed was depressing and for the first time I began to seriously consider the government as the real source of my problems. I had often suspected that, but now I was certain. Agent Blue seemed like he had been briefed prior to my arrival at his office, and his apparent acceptance of my "mental illness problems" seemed to pat.
My "mental illness" had been so well documented and supported over such a long period of time that it could now be used as an excuse for anything. My mental illness had been made real through official documentation. Of course, that was the original plan that I agreed to in order to keep my career, but as usual, as soon as the subhuman scum Nazis got what they wanted, they went on with their agenda to totally eliminate me. The "mental illness" scenario could be used as an excuse for anything such as my loss of job, divorce and/or my death. The amerikan Nazis government was now in position to finish me off and wipe their bloody hands clean of trial rigging, torture and murder. But because the Nazis are servants of evil there was one thing that they did not count on.
Monday, July 12, 2010
How all psychiatrists should be dealt with.
That evening I attended my biweekly session with Dr. Iron. Anita decided to go along because she was beginning to get concerned about his "treatment" of me.
Dr. Iron started immediately. "What did you do today?"
"Oh nothing much," I said. "I cleaned out the garage."
"Is that all?" He asked.
"Yes, that's about all I did today."
His insistence told me he knew I had been to the FBI, but I didn't know how he knew.
"I got a call from agent Blue of the FBI today. Do you know him? Dr. Iron inquired.
"Yes, I went to see him today!"
Anita just about fell off the couch at the revelation, and Dr. Iron noticed her shocked reaction.
"Didn't he tell you he was going to the FBI?" Dr. Iron queried.
"No." Anita answered nervously.
Dr. Iron sat back and continued. "Don't worry. I took care of that. Agent Blue and I had a nice long talk, and I explained to him that Russell has a problem." Then he turned to me and said, "Do you know he has a son who works for RAM?"
"Yes, I know," I said discouragingly.
"Now that we don't have to worry about that anymore, let's go on to something else." He concluded.
It is funny what being tortured does to you. I should have killed the bastard on the spot. Not only was he helping the Nazis murder me, but he was threatening my wife. This is why I truly believe all psychiatrists should be rounded up, taken to the town square and executed. It is so convenient and easy for the Nazi state to label anyone speaking the truth about this Nazi state to be labelled "crazy" by these willing pawns of the tyrants. And, they carry out barbaric and antihuman experiments on people, like Dr. Cameron did for the CIA. Pyschiatrists are truly a sick group!!!!!
In defense of the few decent, ethical psychiatrists, later in my life I did talk to one who was trying to expose the Nazi governments use of the label "mentally ill" to
cover up the amerikan governments crimes against humanity.
And if you ever saw the movie "The Insider" you will learn how the FBI tried to make Jeffery Weingart the villian when he went to the FBI for help with a problem similar to mine. As most poor people already know, gestapo agencies like the FBI, CIA and NSA are just there to protect the interests of the elite, wealthy ruling class. They are not there to solve crimes and bring criminals to justice.
Dr. Iron started immediately. "What did you do today?"
"Oh nothing much," I said. "I cleaned out the garage."
"Is that all?" He asked.
"Yes, that's about all I did today."
His insistence told me he knew I had been to the FBI, but I didn't know how he knew.
"I got a call from agent Blue of the FBI today. Do you know him? Dr. Iron inquired.
"Yes, I went to see him today!"
Anita just about fell off the couch at the revelation, and Dr. Iron noticed her shocked reaction.
"Didn't he tell you he was going to the FBI?" Dr. Iron queried.
"No." Anita answered nervously.
Dr. Iron sat back and continued. "Don't worry. I took care of that. Agent Blue and I had a nice long talk, and I explained to him that Russell has a problem." Then he turned to me and said, "Do you know he has a son who works for RAM?"
"Yes, I know," I said discouragingly.
"Now that we don't have to worry about that anymore, let's go on to something else." He concluded.
It is funny what being tortured does to you. I should have killed the bastard on the spot. Not only was he helping the Nazis murder me, but he was threatening my wife. This is why I truly believe all psychiatrists should be rounded up, taken to the town square and executed. It is so convenient and easy for the Nazi state to label anyone speaking the truth about this Nazi state to be labelled "crazy" by these willing pawns of the tyrants. And, they carry out barbaric and antihuman experiments on people, like Dr. Cameron did for the CIA. Pyschiatrists are truly a sick group!!!!!
In defense of the few decent, ethical psychiatrists, later in my life I did talk to one who was trying to expose the Nazi governments use of the label "mentally ill" to
cover up the amerikan governments crimes against humanity.
And if you ever saw the movie "The Insider" you will learn how the FBI tried to make Jeffery Weingart the villian when he went to the FBI for help with a problem similar to mine. As most poor people already know, gestapo agencies like the FBI, CIA and NSA are just there to protect the interests of the elite, wealthy ruling class. They are not there to solve crimes and bring criminals to justice.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
A trip to a gestap agency - The FBI
In early November I came to the conclusion that "they" were never going to stop terrorizing me, and I had to do something or I was going to die. I decided to go to the FBI(a gestapo agency)despite previous threats that had been made to me at RAM about going to the FBI. The next day after Anita had left for school, I called into work and said I was sick. Then I drove across the river to Oldburg, NJ where the local FBI office was located. I called the FBI from a pay phone to get its exact location and headed directly for the office to see an agent.
I was greeted at the door by agent Bill Blue who then escorted me into his office. We chatted briefly and I found out that agent Blue had a son who worked for RAM. He also informed me that he himself was due to retire from the agency in about a year. I could not see a man in his position being very enthusiastic about what I was going to tell him. I briefly decribed my situation to him while he took notes. He asked me some leading questions that indicated either he had heard the story many times before, or that he knew what I was going to say. Whatever the reason behind agent Blue's questions, they made me feel uncomfortable.
Years later I found out that what was being done to me is not uncommon in Nazi amerika, but that of course, the government keeps it hidden from the people by getting rid of the witnesses. There are a few exceptions like the Karen Silkwood case, but most of us political prisoners just disappear.
On a couple of occasions Agent Blue did say, "Yes, that is definitely illegal, but can you prove it." I told him I had very little written evidence, but that I did have some. When he asked me for a specific example of how I was being harassed, I quickly pointed out the most visible example - the annoying incessant phone calls. He surprised me by saying there was nothing illegal about that! I learned from the phone company that such calls are definitely a violation of FEDERAL Law. Agent Blue's ignorance on that subject was at best suspicious. After about 2 hours of talking with Agent Blue, the discussion concluded with the old "don't call us; we'll call you." I left not felling very encouraged.
I was greeted at the door by agent Bill Blue who then escorted me into his office. We chatted briefly and I found out that agent Blue had a son who worked for RAM. He also informed me that he himself was due to retire from the agency in about a year. I could not see a man in his position being very enthusiastic about what I was going to tell him. I briefly decribed my situation to him while he took notes. He asked me some leading questions that indicated either he had heard the story many times before, or that he knew what I was going to say. Whatever the reason behind agent Blue's questions, they made me feel uncomfortable.
Years later I found out that what was being done to me is not uncommon in Nazi amerika, but that of course, the government keeps it hidden from the people by getting rid of the witnesses. There are a few exceptions like the Karen Silkwood case, but most of us political prisoners just disappear.
On a couple of occasions Agent Blue did say, "Yes, that is definitely illegal, but can you prove it." I told him I had very little written evidence, but that I did have some. When he asked me for a specific example of how I was being harassed, I quickly pointed out the most visible example - the annoying incessant phone calls. He surprised me by saying there was nothing illegal about that! I learned from the phone company that such calls are definitely a violation of FEDERAL Law. Agent Blue's ignorance on that subject was at best suspicious. After about 2 hours of talking with Agent Blue, the discussion concluded with the old "don't call us; we'll call you." I left not felling very encouraged.
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