Friday, November 27, 2009

Elipse or Circle - Only the Nazis Knew for Sure.

At work, Don continued to talk to me about the business trip to Philadelphia, and no mention was made of the Christmas party. The only topic of conversation was the best way to make the trip. Don had decided to fly because he abhored the drive to Philadelphia, and there were plenty of convenient flights available. He said he would have the secretary make the flight arrangements.

By now I dreaded my weekly visit to Dr. Cohen. He finally stopped taking notes on my Gamma Supplies experience and now he started talking about hobbies. He never discussed a single issue about Gamma Supplies that I had raised, and he refused to discuss any of the events which occurred at RAM. Whenever I expressed suspicion about anything, he would assure me that he would never take part in any conspiracy against me and the he would remind me of his fine reputation as a pshychologist. It seemed usless to point out to him that "they" had already corrupted a Federal Judge and an attorney who had a fine reputation. I was becoming more and more irritated at the fact that I was spending my money to see him, but the situation at work dictated that I had to go through the motions of seeking help.

One thing Dr. Cohen always continued to ask me was the question of what generated fear and anxiety in me. Finally I became irritated at his insistence and told him that any change caused me concern.* Dr. Cohen suddenly became interested and tried to pinpoint exactly what kind of change I meant. I explained to him that any kind of change in my environment caused me concern. He did not bother to pursue the reason change caused me so much anxiety. He was only interested in what caused the emotional response and he offered no advice or suggestions to help me deal with changes in my environment.
*If Dr. Cohen had really been interested in torture, he might have read Jerimiah Denton's book, "When Hell Was In Session". The book is Mr. Denton's account of his ordeal as a prisoner of war in North Vietnam in which he points out how sensitive he became to changes in his environment because it was a signal that something, usually bad, was about to happen. I had become the same way and any change in a persons actions or behavior caused me to become alert and anxious.
The next morning I went into work and was surprised when Don showed up at my office bright and early. Don almost never got into work before nine o'clock (I think he need time to sober up from the previous nights drunk), but this particular morning, he was there when I arrived before eight thirty. The first thing he said was, "I've changed my mind, we are going to drive to Philadelphia. I decided that was the best thing to so we'll be driving down on Thursday. My anxiety level jumped. Twelve hours after I told Dr. Cohen that sudden changes caused me anxiety, Don shows up at work early to come in and tell me he had changed his mind and that he was going to do something that he had told me two days earlier he hated to do. And Don had no explanation for the sudden change in plans. The timing and nature of the events seemed too planned to be coincidental, but who would believe that something that I had told my therapist would effect actions at work.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

The Nazi state view of religious holidays. Eliminate people.

By now I had been totally ostracized from any real interaction with society. My analyst refused to help and was even contributing to my fear and anxiety. He continually asked me what my fears were , and I continually avoided telling him because I was afraid those fears would be acted out. I had no interactions with anyone at work except for the barest of minimal conversations necessary to do my job. No one ever discussed the weather or what I did over the weekend and company politics was especially an avoided subject. And finally, I no longer even trusted my wife because comments I would make to her would come back to me at work. I could trust no one and I could not express my feelings to anyone out of fear of having those feelings manipulated. I was utterly alone in the world.

I was becoming more and more anxious as the Christmas holiday approached because I was aware of how the business world liked to make things happen during that period of time. I "they" were going to get rid of me, the approaching holiday period would be the ideal time to do it.

Like most work places, my department was having a Christmas party. I was never formally invited, but I couldn't help but hear other people talking about it. Eventually I learned that it was going to be held on December twenty first. When I found out about the party, my very first thought was to wonder how "they" were going to keep me from attending and socializing with other people. I had been so isolated that I couldn't believe I would be allowed to attend, but I was going to go even if I hadn't received an invitation.

My determination was quickly thwarted one day when Don came in my office and told me that we were going on a business trip to a chemical company in Philadelphia. My first reaction was one of surprise that I was going with other people on a business trip, but the true purpose of the trip became clear when he told me the trip was a one day affair and that we would be going on December twenty first! Now I knew how "they" were going to stop me from attending the Christmas party and at the same time create a ligitimate reason. I was disappointed to say the least and the news caused me to become more depressed. I was really looking forward to the party and the opportunity to interact with the rest of the people in the department.

That evening I told Anita what had transpired.

"That is really cruel." She replied.l

"I know but what can I do. It is the same thing they did with the house closing. They shcedule a business/work conflict."

"We are having a party at the bank. Do you want to go to that one with me?" Anita asked. "I know it won't be the same, but it might help."

"No, I don't think I want to meet your friends in my messed up state." I replied.

Anita sympathized with me but she was in the same position that I was in. She knew very well what was going on, but she couldn't do anything about it either. She too was a Nazi american slave(a working class person).

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

How the Nazi american government terrorizes citizens.

The harassment on the job was quite high. I was still receiving the four to six harassing phone to always resulted in no one on the other end of the line. In addition I was now receiving harassing phone calls at home even though I had an unlisted phone number and I had not given the phone number to anyone. This sometimes included calls in the middle of the night. My conflict with Osama was increasing to the point where he would take a message for me on my office phone and then not relay them to me. I became aware of the practice after I had missed an important meeting because he did not tell me I had received a call inviting me to the meeting.

I was also constantly being harassed by other people in the department. One favorite technique was to tell me that so and so wanted to see me immediately in room xx or that there was a meeting in conference room A. I would go rushing off only to find an empty room. By now I had become so accustomed to such practices and so conditioned to accept such actions that I did not bother to question the persons involved when I found out I had been lied to. Lying to me about anything had become so common place that it was the norm. What it was doing was making me paranoid. I eventually came to the conclusion that if you want to make someone crazy, make their world crazy; make it a world that made no sense. The Nazi american government can do that.

I continued to see Dr. Cohen, and he refuse to discuss anything that was happening to me. At one point I was discussing events that were happening and I asked him what he thought Anita's mother meant when she had told Anita that "she would have to learn to live without him." Dr. Cohen just ignored the question and when I repeated he just went off on another topic. It was clear that he did not want to lend any credence to my interpretations of events and that it was better to let me live with the fears that the comment created. I was paying this son-of-a-bitch to basically help the Nazis drive me crazy. When he refused to even acknowledge my question, I began to get up and walk out, but I decided I had to stay and maintain the image that I was trying to get help for my problem.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Making the Nazi alibi of mental illness real!

On Thanksgiving, Ursula and I headed for my parents' place where we had our usual feast. We had invited Ursula's mother to join us since Hugho was confined in the hospital and she was alone. The problems I was having were taking their toll and I was unable to enjoy myself. I was despondent and full of anxiety, and I ate very little of the Thanksgiving meal. I truly had nothing to be thankful for living in Nazi america. It was like a Jew trying to celebrate living in Nazi Germany. The inability to enjoy the holiday with my wife and family made me feel even worse.

That afternoon when Ursula's mother was about to leave, I become determined to give her a hug. As she headed toward the door, I stepped into the doorway. She stopped, looked for another exit and then stood there frozen. I walked over, gave her a hug and wished her a safe trip home.

That Monday, I returned to work in an extreme state of anxiety. I had not been sleeping well, and I was not able to concentrate on my work. Finally, I asked John Waymore if I could sse the company psychiatrist. The next day I went to see Dr. Hupalowsky. Dr. Hupalowsky appeared very nervous and he chained smoked the whole time I talke to him. I don't know if I made him nervous or if he normally was that way, but his behavior made me feel uneasy. After a short conversation, Dr. Hupalowskty gave me some Stelazine, a tranquilizer and antipsychotic agent to take to help me get some sleep. I was furious at the fact that I was being harassed to the point that I had to take medication just to function in a reasonably normal manner. I dislike taking any form of medication, and I particularly dislike taking a medication like Stelazine which can have serious side effects. But, I had to take the medication in order to function.

I was not worried about my job performance because John Waymore had assured me in our "deal" that I would always have a job at RAM even if I had a record of mental illness. Still, Dr. Stanley Arnold checked with my manager Don who confirmed that my job performance was exemplary and that I was not disruptive in the work place. I felt confident at least that part of the "bargain" was being kept. I also felt that I was doing an excellent job on the project I was working on and any attempt to threaten my job based on incompetency at that time would have been difficult to do. My real concern still remained staying alive.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Political Prisoners Three Choices

The interesting thing about the weekend at my inlaws was that Anita's father who we visited in the hospital that Saturday never did anything to raise my suspicions. We were there for over 2 hours and nothing unusual happened then or any other time with Anita's father, Hugho. He is one of several people the the Nazis were not able to use against me while I was employed. It not that surprising if you knew Hugho. He was a gruff, independent person and if anyone had approached him with some Nazi action to carry against me, he probably would have told them to go f... themselves. That was just the type of person he was and he had endured the original Nazi government so he knew what governments are like.

After returning home, Anita and I said very little. The next day I returned to work and went into John Waymore's office and told him I wanted to see the company doctor. John quickly arranged for a meeting, and I was soon on my way to see Dr. Arnold. Dr. Arnold was not a psychiatrist, and he appeared to be more of an administrator than a practicing doctor. I once again repeated by Gamma Supplies story and the related problems for him as he carefully took notes. After I finished talking, Dr. Arnowitz suggested I see the company psychiatrist, but I refused. My other fear, in addition to being killed was that I would be confined to a mental institution and an evaluation of a psychiatrist was needed for that. I did not want to give anyone the opportunity to find a reason to have me confined. If I were dead, the sicko psychopaths could use my deposition as my testamony. Having me confined in an institution would allow them to do the same thing. It all revolved around my court testamony in the Gamma Supplies' federal lawsuit. The rest of the abbreviated week I spent looking forward to the Thanksgiving vacation.

I should add what I again didn't realize at the time is that a political prisoner in Nazi america has three choices: 1)death 2)confinement, usually prison and 3)exile. And those are the only choices you have once the Nazi government makes you an enemy of the state.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

More suspicious behavior.

That weekend we decided to visit Ursula's parents. Her father was in the hospital with complications from diabetes. Anita's younger sister Ingrid and her husband Tim were going to be visiting too so they could could go see Anita's father. I was glad that there would be someone else to talk to over the weekend. When we arrived her mother failed to greet me in her usual manner which was to give me a hug and a kiss on the cheek. This time she just said "hello". Her unusual, distant behavior bothered me, but I didn't pay too much attention to it.

On Sunday morning Anita, Ingrid, Tom and I went to a local flea market. As soon as we arrived, Anita and Ingrid went off on their own and Tom and I were left to tour the grounds. I had been so isolated at work that I was thrilled to have someone to interact with in a normal manner. However, after a few minutes, Tom made some excuse to leave and he never returned. Tom's sudden departure bothered me and it almost seemed as if he was avoiding me. I rationalized that "they" could not possibly turn my own inlaws against me, but I was getting very suspicious. Later, when it was time to go home, I found Tom and we were joined by Anita and Ingrid. No one talked all the way home.

Later that afternoon at Anita's parent's house, I walked into the living room and found Tom watching a football game on TV. When he saw me walk in the room he quickly switched channels. I was curious about the football game.

"What's the score?"

"Oh, it's 21-0 Denver". He replied.

"Why don't you put the game back on? I asked. "Who is Denver playing?"

"Green Bay," he responded.

Tom switched the game back on and we watched for awhile. Soon the score was announced; Green Bay zero, Denver zero. I just looked at Tom who sat there expressionless. I was more that disturbed by Tom's obvious lie since I was constantly bombarded with lies like that at work. It seemed like too much of a coincident. Again the suspicion and anxiety began to increase.

That evening, Ingrid and Tom were the first to depart. I was still watching football when Ingrid came over and said, "I have to give Russ a good-bye kiss." She then bent over and kissed me on the cheek. By now I was totally paranoid again and all sorts of wild thoughts raced through my head as to why Anita had kissed me "good-bye." In the eleven previous years I had known her, she had never done that and her sudden change in behavior caused even more anxiety.

After Tome and Ingrid had left, I continued to watch TV while Anita and her mother were talking in the kitchen. Finally I decided it was time to leave. I got up and walked into the kitchen just as Anita's mother was saying to her, "So you'll just have to learn to live without him." Then she looked up and saw me standing there. "I was just telling Anita I thought I could never get along without her father, but I learned how to cope now that he in no longer here." She continued. It was not something someone in my position wanted to hear.

Then there was a long period of silence. "We had better get going; it's a long drive back." I said.

As we were leaving, I walked towards Anita's mother to give her a hug when she unexpectedly shied away from me. Now I knew her failure to give me a hug and kiss when we arrived was not an accident and her actions helped confirm my suspicions that some of the things that had transpired during our two day visit were not entirely spontaneous. I left feeling even more anxious and I had a new feeling of hopelessness that had not been present before.

GOD DAMN AMERICA! IMPORTANT NOTE: Anita's family had come to America after WWII. They were German and Anita's father had designed aircraft for the German military. So Anita's mother knew what Nazi governments do to their victims. She knew I had no future - she had seen the previous Nazi empire first hand!!! It is ironic that they fled one Nazi regime to move to another.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Nothing Is Sacred to the Nazi Government except protecting the wealth and powerful.

I returned to RAM with the same fears and concerns that I had left with. If anything, the time away from the daily harassment only gove me time to confirm the serious state of affairs I was experienceing at work. It also heightened my fear that "they" would make other attempts to terminate my life.

After I returned to work, things remained pretty much the same. I also kept going to see Dr. Cohen in the hopes that things would get better, but I might as well flushed by money down the toilet for all the help he was giving me. Finally, through the use of constant suggestions, I became so convinced I was going to be killed that I feared going to Dr. Cohen's house in the dark and I began talking to Anita about her continuing life without me. During a regular session with Dr. Cohen, I expressed my fear of being killed and instead of addressing the fear he immediately asked me if I had any other fears. I told him no that the only real fear I had was that of being killed. Even if I had other fears whatever it may have been, I would not have told him because "they" would have acted out a scenario to realize that fear. Then as we ended our session Dr. Cohen abruptly changed the topic.

"Do you have a phone?" he asked.

"No, because they terrorize me with it." I replied.

"We for God's sake, join the modern age and get a phone." He chided.

I left feeling a little bewildered as to why Dr. Cohen had brought up the phone as a topic so abrubtly, but I soon forgot about it. Soon after I got home, Anita pulled into the garage. I rushed down the stairs and opened the door to greet her.

"Hi, see you're still alive!" She exclaimed.

"Hi, I'm glad to see you're home." I answered.

"By the way, I called the phone company today and ordered a phone. They will install it this week," was her immediate reply.

A bolt of fear struck through me. Was it an elipse or a circle? I was just seemed to much of a coincidence that Dr. Cohen had forced the topic of a phone into our conversation, and now the first thing Anita tells me is that she has ordered a phone. Anita knew about the harassing phone calls, and she also knew that I didn't want a phone in the house. Still she had gone ahead and ordered one without consulting me. I was angry.

"You know I don't want a phone in the house." I yelled.

"Well I want one and besides you can always have it taken out," She replied.

"You know how "they" terrorize me."

"Now Russell," she said. "No one is terrorizing you."

I couldn't believe my ears. I kept thinking my own wife was betraying me. Somehow whether I had a phone or not seemed irrelevant at the moment. The fear of being alone as "they" had threatened was overwhelming. I was in a complete state of anxiety, but there was nothing I could do.

Again much later, I learned it was a common practice of the american Nazi government to pit one spouse against the other in a effort to destroy the victim spouse. In fact, the pitting one sex against the other has become a common divide and conquer technique in american society. I know of one case were a "mentally ill" political prisoner was supported by his wife. In that case the american government's solution was to declared that the victim's wife was also mentally ill! Simply amazing!

In today's world, americans are inundated with high tech spyware on TV, in movies and through other sources that I and other americans forget that the easiest way to spy on someone is to have a person close to the victim betray him or her. And who is closer to most people than their spouse. As I have stated in a handout that I distribute, "To the American government, family, marriage, love and sex are merely useful tools in the creation of the ultimate fascist state, Neo-Nazi America."

Thursday, November 5, 2009

A Glimpse of the Future.

The following Tuesday, I flew to Washington, D.C. The flight was uneventful and until I arrived at the airport. I couldn't find my luggage. After some checking I learned my luggage was lost! That meant I spent that night and the next morning without a change of clothing. Finally, the next day around noon, I was informed my luggage had been found and it was being delivered to my hotel room. I was relieved, but I couldn't help but wonder if the inconvenience hadn't been arranged.

The next couple of days was free from the constant harassment that I was experiencing at work. The brief respite from the daily terrorism only served to allow the hate, anger and frustration that had built up in me to rise to the surface. Without constantly being on the defensive against the harassment, my feelings were surfacing and I found it frightening how uncontrollable the rage inside was. I kept wondering how long I could keep my emotions and actions under control and what would be the ultimate result of all the terrorism and torture to which I was being subjected. Just as these thoughts raced through my mind, fate gave a glimpse at my possible future.

I was sitting at the hotel bar, waiting to go to dinner when I struck up a conversation with a man who had consumed a few too many drinks. After some idle chit-chat the man became inquisitive.

"Who do you work for?" He queried.

"RAM" I replied.

His reaction was intense and totally unexpected.

"I hate RAM. I use to work for them and they destroyed my whole life. I just got a divorce, you know. I still have a small house. It's not much, but it is all I have left."

"What did you do for them?"

I'm an attorney." He replied. "I was a patent attorney for RAM."

You could have knocked me off the chair with a feather. "What did they do to you?" I asked.

"I can't talk about it, but I hate RAM!"

I tried several more times to find out what had happened to cause his demise, but he seemed afraid to talk about it. Later he started talking to the bartender about going hunting and killing. The bartender who was a Vietnam veteran was visibly upset by the man's constant talk about killing and he finally offered the customer a free drink if he would just change the subject. I sat there wondering if I was looking at myself down the road in three or four years.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Is their hope??????

I got a brief respite from the harassment when I was unexpectedly chosen to attend a photopolymer symposium in Washington, D. C. By now I lived in a constant state of anger and frustration, but I always managed to keep my poise at work and said nothing. The day prior to my departure to Washington, Don walked up to me in the laboratory and said, "That's it. Keep it all inside and let it eat away at you." He said nothing else while standing there smirking at me. I just looked at him with a blank stare. The nazi scumbags knew I had to put up with their torture in order to work and survive and they loved to mock me every chance they got. They were laughing at the fact that I had to live with all the anger and hatred.

Taunting their victims is a common practice of this nazi government and is a major reason a lot of the world hates america. People who do not understand why 9/11 happened do not understand the real america - the america that destroys human life and then taunts its victims. THIS IS THE REAL AMERICA; THE AMERICA THE REST OF THE WORLD RECOGNIZES.

For several days the torture abated, and it gave me time to think about the atrocities that had been committed against me and further nurtured the hatred I had for my captors and tormentors. But my tormentors wanted more; they wanted me to hate everyone. They wanted me to be totally irrational.

The sudden change in my environment also gave me the impression that RAM would honor their agreement. Maybe RAM wanted to, but ultimately my fate would be decided by the powerful nazis who had repeatedly demonstrated that they were pathological liars. But when you are in a desperate situation you grab on to any hope, and my hope was that as long as I went along with the mental illness story, the nazis would allow me to work. Somehow the threat that I would never work again faded into the background. It is like a common poster on office walls at RAM stated: "When you're up to your neck in alligators, it is easy to forget that your objective is to drain the swamp."