The Nazi state view of religious holidays. Eliminate people.

By now I had been totally ostracized from any real interaction with society. My analyst refused to help and was even contributing to my fear and anxiety. He continually asked me what my fears were , and I continually avoided telling him because I was afraid those fears would be acted out. I had no interactions with anyone at work except for the barest of minimal conversations necessary to do my job. No one ever discussed the weather or what I did over the weekend and company politics was especially an avoided subject. And finally, I no longer even trusted my wife because comments I would make to her would come back to me at work. I could trust no one and I could not express my feelings to anyone out of fear of having those feelings manipulated. I was utterly alone in the world.

I was becoming more and more anxious as the Christmas holiday approached because I was aware of how the business world liked to make things happen during that period of time. I "they" were going to get rid of me, the approaching holiday period would be the ideal time to do it.

Like most work places, my department was having a Christmas party. I was never formally invited, but I couldn't help but hear other people talking about it. Eventually I learned that it was going to be held on December twenty first. When I found out about the party, my very first thought was to wonder how "they" were going to keep me from attending and socializing with other people. I had been so isolated that I couldn't believe I would be allowed to attend, but I was going to go even if I hadn't received an invitation.

My determination was quickly thwarted one day when Don came in my office and told me that we were going on a business trip to a chemical company in Philadelphia. My first reaction was one of surprise that I was going with other people on a business trip, but the true purpose of the trip became clear when he told me the trip was a one day affair and that we would be going on December twenty first! Now I knew how "they" were going to stop me from attending the Christmas party and at the same time create a ligitimate reason. I was disappointed to say the least and the news caused me to become more depressed. I was really looking forward to the party and the opportunity to interact with the rest of the people in the department.

That evening I told Anita what had transpired.

"That is really cruel." She replied.l

"I know but what can I do. It is the same thing they did with the house closing. They shcedule a business/work conflict."

"We are having a party at the bank. Do you want to go to that one with me?" Anita asked. "I know it won't be the same, but it might help."

"No, I don't think I want to meet your friends in my messed up state." I replied.

Anita sympathized with me but she was in the same position that I was in. She knew very well what was going on, but she couldn't do anything about it either. She too was a Nazi american slave(a working class person).