Saturday, December 25, 2010

Finalizing the destruction.

I was making plans to move out of the house when I encountered new problems. First, I could not reach the prospective buyer of the house. No one answered the phone when I called, and my attorney as usual couldn't provide me with any information. Finally, I was able to get through to the buyer, and he informed me that the closing date would have to be moved back because his attorney had just started a title search, and that procedure could require six to eight weeks. I found that to be a little strange, but I told him that would be fine. Three days later, the buyer called me back and said the title search was complete and the original closing date could be met. I felt relieved but suspicious.

Later that week, Anita came over to the house to sign the separation agreement which was now written the way we wanted it. Anita was already in the house when I arrived home which I found a little surprising since she had given me her set of keys when she had moved out. After we signed the agreement, Anita gave me the third set of keys which I had not known existed. I didn't even ask her why she had a third set of keys, but I wondered if it was the set that the Nazi gestapo agents had used to come and go as they pleased.

With the signing of the separation agreement and the impending sale of the house, our separation was complete. We had been married fifteen years. According to the agreement, after one year of separation a divorce would granted if neither of us objected. Anita and I knew the separation was permanent and that there was no way we could ever get back together.

The closing on the sale of the house took place three days later on May 27, 1982. At the meeting, Anita sat on one side of my attorney and I sat on the other side across the table from the buyers and their attorney. While we were waiting for Anita's attorney to arrive, my attorney and the buyer's attorney were exchanging small talk. Suddenly the buyer's attorney started talking about the title search. In a tone of amazement he said, "I've been doing this for fifteen years and I've never seen a title search go through in less than three weeks. It usually takes six to eight weeks. I just couldn't believe it went through in only three days. It's really unbelievable. I never thought we would be closing today."

Nobody said anything, but Anita and I looked at each other with sad smiles. Such "unbelievable" events were common to us, and we both assumed that my tormentors were responsible. It was just another way of demonstrating their ubiquitous presence in my life.

The closing went smoothly, and after signing a few papers, I(we) no longer owned a house. In order to avoid any future contact with Anita as outlined in the separation agreement, Anita and I with the help of our attorneys split the capital gain from the house in a short private meeting. At that point all of my ties with Anita were broken. It had been almost six years to the day since I had taken the fatal "job" at Gamma Supplies. During that time, the Nazis had spent and unbelievable amount of money and time to destroy my life. But that's what you can do when you have a government funded by big business that has no concept of limitations on spending. No cost is too big to perpetuate to Nazi myths and lies. But then maybe current day events are telling us there is a limit.

Think your "free"?! I just read were an airline pilot posted on YouTube videos about security violations at the San Francisco Airport in the hope that security would be improved. The result. The pilot was fired - no surprise there. But also, the videos were also removed from YouTube. No additional comment from me is needed.

Oh, by the way, MERRY CHRISTMAS! A day that I that I now dread thanks to the ruling Nazis of amerika.

Friday, December 17, 2010

Present Day Happenings

I often am amazed at the ignorance of the amerikan public as demonstrated by what they accept. But today I read an article that shed a new light on why the working class is so masochistic. The author argued that working amerikans exhibit the STOCKHOLM SYNDROME in which the captured and abused identify with the captors and even protect their captors from the law. An economist, Malthus I believe, stated that Marx was wrong in his conclusions about capitalism, because rather than rising up and overthrowing the oppressive ruling elite, the working class would emulate and imitate the ruling elite. And that is exactly what amerikans have done. Rather than being angry about their pain and suffering, amerikans are distracted by excessive consumption while trying to emulate the life styles of the wealthy ruling elite. They identify with their captors. This obsession with consuming is so overwhelming that amerikans run up oppressive amounts of debt which only helps solidify there position as slaves.

And that is exactly what happened to me. I was a captured slave who was abused and then I was suppose to protect my abusive captors from the laws of the land. When I refused to identify with the low life scum, I was brutally tortured in an effort to get rid of me. Because of my strong moral upbringing, my education and intellect and the strong family environment in which I was raised, the Nazis government's plan failed.

More evidence of the standard practices of this corrupt system was revealed in the past couple of weeks by Wiki leaks. The treasure hunting crew of the Odyssey was as one company member described it, "thrown under the bus" by the amerikan government. It seems that the Spanish government wanted the estimated 500 million dollars of gold and silver the Odyssey had discovered off the coast of Spain. Because of Wikileaks, we now know that the Nazi government was giving the government of Spain secret documents in order to aid Spain's case in court. And why would the Nazi government do this to a small US company. Because some member of the wealthy, ruling class wanted a valuable painting that Spain owned. And I'm sure that the unidentified wealthy person is a major political contributor to probably both political parties. Again, ruin working amerikan lives for the benefit of the wealthy ruling elite. And as I stated over and over again, there are many stories like mine and the Odyssey's that the amerikan people never hear about.

And on the history channel last night, they pointed out that the amerikan space program and technology is really a continuation and an extension of the Nazi Germany rocket and weapons programs. And if the amerikan government did that with technology, isn't it reasonable to suspect that the current political/economic system is an extension to the Nazi Germany system?

Let me give you an example a little closer to home. Remember Patty Hearst? She was captured by the SLA, tortured and brainwashed and then shown robbing a bank with a M-1 carbin. She had aligned herself with her captors. After serving two years in prison, her sentence was commuted by President Carter and later she was given a full presidential pardon by Bill Clinton. Of course the press made sure that no one believed her story and then she was convicted of bank robbery. What the media never publicized was the years later a Gestapo agency (FBI) had her lecture their agents to tell them how the SLA had converted her. This was the same FBI that testified in court that they didn't believe her story. And why did the FBI want to know about the SLA mind control techniques? The same reason the US government wanted to know about German Nazi techniques. So that they could use those mind control/torture techniques on amerikan citizens, like me. People they wanted to use and then convert into mindless zombies shouting Nazi slogans. Folks WAKE UP - that is amerika.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Evil Amerikan Nazis Can Never Hate Enough

I had tried many times to get Anita to admit that she had conspired against me, but she always maintained the Nazi line and denied it. After all, I was suppose to be mentally ill and not a torture victim. Now her own guilt and grief had caused her to confess. The admission didn't startle me because it was so obvious that she had conspired against me that her self admission was no real revelation. Only really sick twisted minds would think that I didn't know what was being done. But then that is what I'm dealing with, sick twisted minds.

I knew that Anita, like I, had always hoped that "they" would become satisfied with all the pain and suffering "they" had inflicted on me and at some point "they" would allow my life to return to normal. Now Anita was realizing that my ordeal would take its toll on her life too, and the impending divorce was a traumatic event which showed Anita how sick the ruling Nazis really are. Neither of us at that time realized that the obsessive evil that drove my tormentors could never be satisfied. It is the same evil obsession that would never have allowed Hitler to kill enough Jews. There is no satisfying the evil that drives such psychopaths. Can a serial killer ever kill enough people?

At the end of April, Anita moved into her own apartment. She too all of the items agreed to on the agreement and most of the items I was suppose to keep. I had agreed to give them to her even though the official agreement specified that I should keep certain item, because I knew I had no future and therefore I had no need for the items. The separation agreement had not been finalized and signed, and the closing on the house was not scheduled until the end of May, but Anita left anyway. We continued to try to get the separation finalized, but my attorney kept refusing to write the support agreement the way we wanted it. Both of us were getting furious over out inability to get a finalized agreement because of my attorney's failure to comply with our wishes. The attorney expressed no objections to our conditions. He would listen to what I told him, write it down and then when we received a copy of the agreement, it would contain something different. At one point Anita angrily said, "Why doesn't he write this clause the way we want it so we can get this over?!"

I responded, "You know why. 'They' are just frustrating me, and you happen to be part of it this time."

Anita knew what I said was true and she just got a depressing look that I had worn so many times.

At work suddenly everyone started talking about marriage. One co-worker even made the remark that "if you don't watch it, wives can drive you crazy". All of the remarks would have seemed normal if it weren't for the timing of happening at the time of my divorce. And, it was exactly the tormenting pattern that the Nazis had established. "They" would create an undesirable action or event in my life and then have the people around me at work make references about it. The Nazis love to mock their victims and laugh at them. It is some sort of sickness with them. It goes back to the root problem that they just can't hate enough. But of course, it all looked normal, and anyone would say I was nuts to think someone would do such things. The separation from my wife was very painful, and any suggestion to marriage, divorce and/or separation caused me more pain.

In hindsight, one of the clauses in the agreement that the attorney refused to write the way we wanted it, was the support clause. I wanted a stipulation that if my income fell to a certain level, I would not have to pay Anita any support. In other words, the alimony part of the agreement was graduated. The attorney kept trying to write it as a fixed amount. I wanted the clause in there because I didn't want to be responsible for alimony when I had no income. I knew the loss of my job was immanent. If there was a fixed amount I had to pay regardless of my income, then the Nazis could have my ex-wife come after me for failure to pay and I would have ended up being persecuted for that. And the sick bastards out to destroy me wanted me "gone", one way or another.

Sunday, December 5, 2010


In late March, RAM sent me to the American Chemical Society meeting in Las Vegas. I had no idea why I was allowed to go this time other than the trip made the previous offers look legitimate for various trips which never occurred. I decided to go just to get away from everything for a while and try to enjoy some time alone. Since it was evident that my career as a chemist was over, I didn't attend a single technical presentation at the conference and I avoided talking to all colleagues and acquaintances that were there. Instead I spent the days getting much need rest and randomly walking through the casinos. I tried to keep my behavior patterns as random as possible so that "they" couldn't orchestrate any forms of harassment. There was a sense of FREEDOM that I so desired and needed. However, my own mental anguish and torment, as a result of years of abuse really prevented me from having any fun.

I was in a constant state of rage and I was experiencing physical pain from severe shooting flashes of sharp pain in my head. The shooting pains in my head, caused by extreme, excessive mental abuse had been with me for almost a year and the thought of having to endure another day with that pain caused me even more mental anguish. The week in Las Vegas did prove to me that now even without the external stimulus, I would have a long road to get back to a stable, sound condition. Destroy life throught mental torture and terrroism of innocent victims is a common practice by this sick Nazi government. In John Mark's book he relates a case were a military man was used for a Nazi experiment against his will and then he was threatened with "we will terrorize you to a permanent state of insanity" if the man considered telling anyone what had been done to him. Because this man was in the military at the time of his ordeal, there were records of what had been done to him and eventually someone took up his case and he was given compensation for the loss of some twenty plus years of his life where he "wandered about aimlessly". Just another defenseless Nazi victim brutally destroyed through mental torture and terrorism.

I retuned home after a week at the conference and resumed working on the separation agreement with Anita. The process was painful for both of us because neither one of us wanted the divorce. But we couldn't stay together and have the sick Nazis constantly using Anita to make my life hell. It was especially trying for Anita because I believe she always felt our marriage would survive. After all, she too naively believed all the Nazi lies I had been told.

It was late April when a truly surprising event occurred. Anita and I were driving along and were discussing some items in the separation agreement. I was talking as usual.

"It is really amazing that "they" are willing to inflict so much pain and suffering on so many people just to destroy my life. All they know how to do is destroy."

Anita started sobbing. Then she said the words I had wanted to hear from her for so many years. "How can I ever remarry? LOOK AT WHAT "THEY" MADE ME DO TO YOU."

Reread that last sentence. Anita was stating that the sick amerikan Nazi system destroys innocent human life by using marriage and family as a primary tool. Think about that the next time some conservative amerikan Nazi bastards starts shouting about "family values".

What I'm trying to point out and to get people to understand is that I am not a single isolated incident. Destroy human life for fun and profit is a standard amerikan Nazi value. Look at Iraq. How many lives were destroyed, how much pain and suffering was inflicted on innocent people just to destroy one man(Saddam Hussein)?

Sunday, November 28, 2010

The Dissolution of the last remaining items in my life.

I now openly expressed my bitterness at work, and I frequently made some comments about some harassing act of the past. The annoying phone calls had greatly reduced in frequency and one day I made a sarcastic comment to my office partner about how I missed those annoying calls. The next day I received three calls at work. In each case, the calling party hung up on me.

Anita and I started to work on the main items of a separation agreement and after a few weeks we had finally agreed on most things. We agreed that my attorney would draw up the official agreement. I retained my attorney and Anita found a new attorney to represent her. We scheduled a meeting with our attorneys on Friday, March 5, 2002.

On the morning of the 5th, my manager Stu called me into his office to inform me that I would be receiving an eight percent pay increase effective immediately. I told Stu that I didn't want the raise and that I would contribute the money to psychiatric fees if "they" would get the help that "they" needed. He informed me that I had no choice, and that the raise was now in effect.

That afternoon I met with my attorney first and he went over a list of questions. When he got to my salary, I gave him my "old" rate of pay. He looked at me and refused to put it down. Then he said, "Well, you'll probably be getting a raise soon so why don't we put down you expected salary."

"It really doesn't matter." I said. "I'll be losing my job soon anyway."

"Why, are you going to be fired?" he asked.

"NO, I'll probably be forced to resign, like the last time."

"Well, why don't we put down you new salary anyway."

His figure was a couple of hundred dollars from my new salary, and from his insistence on raising my stipend on the final agreement sheet, coupled with the totally unexpected pay raise at work made me suspect that "they" were responsible for the whole affair. And I wondered why my attorney was so willing to raise my stipend in the agreement which would raise the amount of alimony I had to pay to Anita. Finally, I gave him a list of items that Anita and I had agreed on and then left his office.

The next major problem was selling our house. Interest rates on mortgages were at an all time high and the sales of homes were at a stand still. We decided to try to sell the house ourselves rather than depend on a realtor in the hope of attracting some customers through the lower price. We listed the house at $69,000 which was several thousand dollars below a real estate agent's appraisal. To our surprise, we received an offer at our asking price the first week after putting the house on the market. Real estate agents had told us it was taking nine to twelve months on the average to sell a house like ours.

The offer caused us both joy and sadness. We were happy to be able to sell the house in a very depressed market, but at the same time, the sale meant the permanent dissolution of our marriage. The sale of the house was contingent on the buyer obtaining a mortgage, but the conditions for obtaining a mortgage were so generously defined that we were sure there would be no problems even in a mortgage market were the prevailing interest rates were 17-19 percent. I was also sure "they: would not interfere with the sale. After all, the sale of the house was a loss and a destructive action which fit into their overall plan.

This is an added note to show you how the Nazi state works. This sale took place in the summer of 1982 when RONALD REAGAN was president, not Jimmy Carter. I point this out because I recently heard Glen(I wouldn't know the truth if it hit him between the eyes) Beck stated the interest rates and inflation reached the 19-20 percent under Carter. Most people have been so indoctrinated that they forget that interest rates and inflation soared under Reagan in the early eighties. I always remember because that is when I sold my house and I know the unbelievable mortgage interest rate the buyers had to pay.

Monday, November 22, 2010

A momentary reprieve

Perhaps the most interesting thing about the psychopath/sociopath as pointed out in the interviews on "Headhunter" is that they lead double lives. Take the BTK serial killer for example. He was president of his church, a Boy Scout troop leader and a working family man. Of course, in his spare time he kidnapped people, tortured them and then killed them. And it is perfectly "reasonable" that he had to get rid of his victims because he had tortured them. I am a victim of people with that mentality. Darth Korey repeated pointed out how he was an Elder at his local church, how he gone to a psychologist to prove he was normal, and remember he invited Buzz, myself and other people to share Christmas with his family. In his spare time he and his buddies tortured people and then got rid of them. And this is acceptable in Nazi land as long as you do it for money and pleasure.

Back to my story:

In early February, Anita and I went to St. Martens for a vacation. In St. Martens my life returned to normal just as it had done when I had gone to Aruba two years earlier. There was no harassment, no roadblocks, or strange incidences. But this time there was one difference. The rage inside me was so great that I couldn't enjoy myself. Frequently I found myself yelling at and belittling Anita for almost no reason. The frustration of having my life destroyed coupled with the total lack of control of my emotions caused fits of rage and anger. I had been tortured for so long, I couldn't get my mind off of it. The fact that Anita and I fought constantly even under normal conditions meant that we had to separate. My rage was becoming so great that I couldn't control it. And as I would find out, the sicko Nazis would later try to use the rage they had created to get rid of me.

I returned to work and was immediately given a review by my new manager, Stu Miller. Stu concluded that my work was satisfactory, but he was still going to monitor my work closely. Almost as an after thought, I pointed out that I had no received a raise in eighteen months. Stu commented that I was not scheduled for a raise in the near future. I left the meeting feeling the crisis about my job was over for the moment, but I knew it would become a factor again and I was still under stress with the constant monitoring. I correctly assumed that "they" would keep my job in jeopardy for as long as possible in order to generate the maximum stress and then "they" would finally get rid of me.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

For some reason I can't publish from my home computer. So I thought I'd try another to see if I got better results.

Apparently I can publish from another computer which makes me wonder if publishing from my computer is being blocked. And I added this sentence by editing which I also can't do from my home computer.

For some reason I can't publish from my home computer. So I thought I'd try another to see if I got better results.

What does the amerikan system have in common with serial killers?

For some reason, I'm am no longer able to edit my posts. Therefore there are

errors, spelling, grammar and others in the posts. I

recently saw two items that support what I am saying about the amerikan

empire. First, a news report stated that certain agencies within the government

help bring German Nazi war criminals into this country after WWII and then hid

these people and protected them from being brought to justice for their crimes

against humanity. That news is hardly startling if you are aware of project

"Paper Clip" where Nazi war criminal papers were marked with a paper clip so

that they could be given special treatment and allowed to come into this

country. No why would the government do this? Because the people they allowed in

could teach the amerikan ruling elite how they created the original Nazi empire

which then could be used to create a new Nazi empire. Don't think so? Where did

the amerikan space and rocket program come from. A program that allowed amerika

to achieve military superiority. Remember Walter Von Braun?

The second item was a TV show on MSNBC titled "Mindhunter". In this program,

the host interviewed 3 serial killers in prison. One of them had killed at least

sixty people! What was interesting was the personality/mental makeup of these

psychopaths/sociopaths. First, they were very narcissistic and they only saw the

world from their perspective. Remember how I have continually pointed out what

an ego maniac Darth Corey was and how he saw himself as some sort of superman. I

remember playing a company basketball in which just about everyone was ready to

walk off the floor because as soon as Darth got the ball, no one else ever got

to see the ball. According to Darth, he was the only one who could play

basketball. It was a pathetic display of self-centeredness.

Another characteristic of these psychopaths/sociopaths is that none of them

felt any remorse or any FEELING that they had done anything wrong. The man who

killed some sixty people saw himself as a "mercy killer" and when it was pointed

out to him that he had killed some of his victims(neighbors) methodically over a

period of time(slow poisoning through gifts of food), and did it out of anger

for trivial reasons, he just rationalized it away. The psychopaths responsible

for the destruction of my life always had some trivial excuse that they would

tell people to justify torturing me to death. Of course the serial killers got

caught and brought to justice because they acted alone and for non-monetary

reasons. The psychopaths who set me up and then tried to get rid of me never got

caught or brought to trial because THEY HAD THE PROTECTION OF THE US GOVERNMENT

AND BIG BUSINESS. In other words, the US system supported this type of

sociopathic behavior as long as it was done for money and the enjoyment of

torture. And that is why the US system is fundamentally evil.

You see it all the time and don't even think about it because psychopathic

behavior has become so prevalent in business and government. At Enron(remember

them?), Ken Lay and Jeff Skilling use to laugh at the dumb amerikans they had

conned in the California energy crisis(they are on video tape) in order to make

more profit. And a lot of people died as a result of that scheme, yet it was

consider just a bad business practice because the whole scheme collapsed and it

couldn't be hidden from the public. There are hundreds of examples you read or

hear about. And how many schemes like the one I was involved in, never become

public knowledge?

Of course, the last characteristic of the psychopaths is that their view of

the world and events is the only true explanation. Every single one of the

serial killers believed that they hadn't really done anything wrong and that

they were just like everyone else. I will point out latter how hard the sickos

that destroyed my life tried to get me to do despicable things in what I believe

was their attempt to prove to themselves that I was any different from them!

That is how twisted their minds are. That deep down, everyone is a serial

killers in the psychopathic mind. This is the most base view of human life you

can have and the amerikan system supports it. And of course, people like Darth

are rewarded with money to prove that this perverted view of human beings is

indeed correct. It is a sick system.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Man does not live by the principles of humanity, but rather the most brutal of struggles....we have no scrupples. "Nazi America"

Strange, but for some reason I can't change "distruction" to "destruction" on the previous post. So I'll go on to a new post.

The first day back to work in the new year, I had a scheduled meeting with Jim. He started the meeting by telling me I would be transferred(again) to a process engineering group headed by Steven Peroir. I was pleased with the change and had a glimmer of hope. Then Jeff informed me that he was leaving the area and he was therefore going to give me a performance review based on the four months I had worked for him. This was unusual to get a review so soon after the last one, but I wasn't worried because Jim had approved my previous performance rating and , despite all the problems, I felt I had done an adequate job for him. Then Jim started byberating my performance with little to support his judgement. He concluded by saying he was giveing me an over all rating of "unsatisfactory". I just sat there in stunned disbelief. In hindsight and now being free from that torture prison, I should have killed him on the spot. Really. The Nazis were using him to create an excuse to get rid of me now that they had what they wanted and now they were going to transfer him to another site where he would be safe. All nice and convenient. And I now know that the only thing the satan scum that runs this country understands and fears is there own death. Otherwise, they don't care about anyone or anything else.

I knew my previous ratings had been equally phony, but now a case was being made for firing me. In four months my performance rating went from "consistently exceeded the requirements of the job" to "results achieved did not meet the requirements of the job." An not once during the four month period did Jim mention to me that my performance was not satisfactory. In fact he had told me on a couple of occasions that I had been doing a good job. Now suddenly when he was leaving the area, my performance was "unsatisfactory". And, as far as I could find out, I was the only person in the department that he had reviewed. And I would love to see RAM employee records to see how often they gave other employees a four month review. Oh hell, this managers name was not Jim, it was Jeff Kristoff, and I hope he rots in hell.

My job was about the only thing I had left in my life and now the Nazi sickos were using it to threaten my well being and to create additional stress. With the necessity to get a divorce, threatening my job was a major stess inducer. Those to items alone, divorce and loss of job, are know to cause enough stress to lead to suicide and now the Nazi scum were trying to push me over the edge.

Remember I said that when I didn't die in my suicide attempt some four months earlier, I could feel an unbelievable rage by someone or something because I hadn't died. It appeared that someone was going to try again to kill me.

That evening when I went home, I told Anita about my job review. I pointed out that as usual, the promise that I would always have a job if I had a history of mental illness documented meant nothing. I say as usual because everything the Nazis ever told me from the very beginning were all lies. They did not keep there word about one thing. Every time they got what they wanted, they forgot what they had said and promised. Which brings me to my warning for today's post and explains why the world is in the state it is in.

Here it is: "NEVER BELIEVE ANYTHING THAT THE NAZI US GOVERMENT OR BIG BUSINESS SAYS!" They have absolutely no integrity and no respect for human life. I learned that the hard way - I paid with my life for believing in the amerikan system.

Sunday, November 7, 2010


NOTE: Shortly after I failed to kill myself I called Chow Ming, a relatively new employee into my office. I went into a detailed step by step process of what I had done in my effort to kill myself. Then I asked Chow what he thought the result would be. He immediately blurtedf out "Well the person would be dead!"

"Well, I'm not!" I responded. Chow stood there stunned for a moment and then he darted out door.

A few minutes later I got a call from my manager telling me he wanted to talk to me.
I immediately went to his office where I was told he had just talked to Chow. He then gave me a short lecture which ended with the words I will never forget, because it is the motto the american Nazi rulers.
"WE DO NOT WANT PEOPLE TO THINK AROUND HERE." In other words just do what you're told no matter what, kill for the Nazi empire and then go back to making the corporation money. And if you don't think those words are the motto of this Nazi empire just look at the recent elections!

In early November, I did a totally irrational act. I purchased a new car. I had avoided buying a new car for over five years because of my precarious position, and now suddenly for no real reason I went out and purchased an expensive new automobile. I secured a loan in my name so that I would be responsible for the payments when our divorce became final. Suddenly, in one irrational moment, I had created more problems for myself.

Shortly thereafter, more changes at work occurred which affected me. First Pat Clover told me he had changed his mind completely and that he was hiring a new person to do the work he had discussed with me. Since my help was no longer needed, there was no reason for me to take a trip to San Jose. Thus in a period of three months I had gone from directing and coordinating a major project to having nothing to do with the work.

The management position under Jim was still vacant and the suggestions(a key element of mental torture) that I was being considered kept flowing in. I received an unsolicited book in the mail on management practice and theory and Anita bought me a book on the Japanese practice of management. The mere thought and/or implication that I was being considered for a managment position made me so angry I burned both books. It was a totally irrational act, but then I had existed in an irrational world for over five years in an effort to get me act irrationally. Finally, in mid December Jim announced that Chow Ming, a "Deep UV" task force member and a Ram employee for less than a year, would become the new manager of the "Deep UV" area. I was so angered by the announcement that I got up and stormed out of the meeting.

In 1981 I made it to the Christmas holidays without ending up in the hospital. Anita and I did not buy each other gifts because we had made plans to make a trip to St. Martens in February as one last fling before we got divorced. The trip was another irrational act, but I had reached the point where I just didn't care anymore. I was suffering from severe depression and I hurt deep down inside. I kept wondering why a God would keep me alive to suffer so much. And I still don't have a good answer other than I got the opportunity to watch this country and the people in it slide down a slow slope towards distruction.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Only a little left in my life to destroy.

NOTE: Sometimes people want "proof" that the Nazis controlled my mental state by manipulation of my environment. At one point I was very depressed and a psychiatristic gave me antidepressant pills to take. I went home and decided to test my beliefs. Every morning I would go into the bathroom makes some noise like I was taking a pill and then I would drop it in the toilet. Usually Anita would dutifully as me if I had take my medication to which I would say yes. Later I would flush the pill down the toilet.

After about a week of doing this, I noticed the level of harassment at work was decreasing and I was given more to do and was allowed to interact more with coworkers. Of course my mood improved. A couple of weeks later when I saw the psychiatrist, he was so pleased that the medication was working so well! That evening after my session the the doctor, I told Anita what a joke taking medication was and I told her what I had been doing. As expected, very quickly the harassment at work increased, assignments were terminated and I became depressed again. And of course the psychiatrist couldn't figure out why the medication had stopped working!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Back to my story:

Anita came to see me a couple of evenings during the week and by the end of the week she moved back in. After a week alone with no harassment, my mental state improved to the point where I could function again, and of course the voices stopped, never to be heard again. I was very depressed and annoyed at the fact that I had missed the Internal technical Liaison Conference. At the same time it didn't seem to make much of a difference since I had no future. I began to talk to Anita about getting a divorce. She was beginning to visibly show the signs of the extreme stress she had been living under and her physical and mental state seemed to be deteriorating. It was apparent to me that "they" would not stop the torture until everything in my live had been destroyed and of course that included my marriage. Anita for the first time began to reaize that a divorce was inevitable. And again this show how the ruling Nazis have absolutely not respect for anyone or anything other that satisfying their psychotic wants.

The medical department doctor at RAM had given me a clean bill of health after my week off and had allowed me to go back to work. I really had no fears this time about going back to work because I knew there would be more harassment until everything in my life had been destroyed. I was just existing until the destruction was complete.

It only took a day for the unusual events to occur. First, I received a call from a RAM employee at the Albany site who wanted a copy of the "Deep UV" paper I had given at the Internal Technical Liaison Conference! Since I had not been at the conference and someone else had given the presentation, I was a bit confused. When I asked the man how he had gotten my name, he refused to answer the question and hung up. The call seemed lik a planned psychological dig.

A couple of day later I experienced a typical coincidence. I was on the phone talking to a supplier about the Japanese product "Sel N". I wanted to know where I could get some literature on the material. I hung up and went back to work at my desk. Less that FIVE MINUTES passed and Les Lopez, who had an office on the next floor showed up at my door and started a conversation. Soon after he started talking, he mentioned "Sel N".

"If you're interested in some literature on 'Sel N', Julie Smart has it. I'm sure she'll let you look at it." Les said.

I just looked at Les with a startled look and didn't say anything. Les just turned and started to head back to his office. Then in moment of sympathy(Nazis would call it weakness) he turned and said, "Boy, and they talk about '1984'. It's already here." Remeber this was taking place in 1981.

I was surprised that Les would make such a statement, but I knew exactly what he meant. However, I knew his display of support would not be tolerated and I was a little concerned for Les. The next day I ran into Les and another co-worker in the hall. When I tried to strike up a conversation, Les answered me with some double talk that made no sense. Apparently his support and sympathy either didn't last long or he couldn't display it in the presence of a possible Nazi supporter.

Note: Many of my co-workers did not support what the Nazi rulers were doing. And frequently they would show their support in various ways.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

The Nazis have success - finally.

I existed in a state of confusion. I didn't want to be alive and I still couldn't understand why I hadn't died. If it was some sort of divine intervention that had kept me alive, I wasn't happy at all with it .

Even more confusion was created when a couple of days later I made another startling discovery. I had suffered from hemorrhoids for about fifteen years and at one point a doctor told me they would have to be removed surgically. Suddenly one day shortly after my suicide attempt I noticed my hemorrhoids were gone! I couldn't believe it. In a state of amazement I told Anita, "My hemorrhoids are gone. They've just disappeared!" For once Anita didn't question my judgment. She just stood there with a blank look on her face. She was as confused as I was. Nothing in my life made sense anymore.

Although I have never had the absence of the hemorrhoids offically medically documented, I have never had any signs or symptoms of hemorroids in the 20 plus years since that day.

I continued to go to work, but I didn't do anything. My days were filled with depression and rage and I was so angry and hateful toward RAM that all I wanted to do was create trouble. The annual Technical Liaison Conference was scheduled for the next week, and I began to plot ways to disrupt the seminar. However, I was never able to implement my plans because the Friday preceding the week of the conference I was unexpectedly called in by the medical department. The doctor told me that he thought I should take a week off from work, and when I refused he ordered a one week respite. Thus I could not attend the conference and I would not get a chance to talk with the other RAM scientists. "They" were making sure I did not cause any trouble.

Because I was so irrational and full of hate and anger, Anita moved out to a friend's house for the week. The alone was total hell, and I went truly insane. I hallucinated and heard voices for the first time in my ordeal. The five plus years of unrelenting stress and terrorism had taken its toll. I no longer could tell what was real and what wasn't, and all sort of crazy thoughts filled my head. All the years that the sick bastards had kept me under extreme stress and had distorted my world had finally paid off. "They had driven me insane." Now I was just like them!!!

Tuesday, October 12, 2010


The next day I was faced with the problem of what to do next. Anita kept urging me to go back to RAM and to ask for my job back. I resisted the idea.

"Damn it, Anita. They tortured me and drove me out and now I have to go back there and beg for my job back. And if they do give it back to me, they will tell me how wonderful they are for giving me my job back and then they'll turn around and torture me somemore."

"What else are you going to do?" she asked. In other words, I was a slave.

"I don't know," I answered.

On Monday morning I went back to RAM and asked the really sick SOB Ed James for my job back. Ed acted almost as if he had expected me back and he conveniently hadn't sent the resignation forms to personnel. After a brief conversation, my status as an IBM employee was reinstated and the whole affair was treated as if it had never resigned. It made me angry that I had to ask for my job back and that RAM came out of the whole affair looking like a saint.

And that is the whole concept behind Nazi America, look good and helpful while actually acting evil and destructive. It is the very essense of Nazi America.

Which brings me to the major point of this post. I didn't and still don't why I was alive, but I did know that there had to be a power greater than man that kept me alive. At the same time, days after my survival, I could feel, I could sense this tremendous rage by someone or something that I was still alive.
It was if there were two opposing forces, one that wanted me alive and the Nazi force that wanted me dead. And it taught one lesson that I latter learned is in the Bible and that is, NAZI AMERICA DRAWS ITS POWER AND AUTHORITY FROM THE DARK SIDE, OR AS THE BIBLE CALLS IT, SATAN. TO THIS DAY I HAVE NO DOUBT ABOUT THAT. THE RAGE I FELT WAS LIKE THE SCENE FROM "STAR WARS" WERE THE EMPIRER OF THE DARK SIDE WAS ATTACKING LUKE SKYWALKER BECAUSE HE WOULDN'T WORSHIP THE DARK SIDE. I know that sounds trivial, but as I was to find out as time went on, it is a fairly accurate picture of what life and this empire is all about.

And I was told later many times by religious people that my struggle was a classic case of good versus evil. I never considered myself particularly good, but I did know that the Nazi empire was very evil.

I urge you to read future post. It really gets even more interesting.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

The Final Solution - The Original Nazis had the same plans

Thursday was Anita's day off and we spent the day doing one thing I enjoyed most in life. That was taking a walk in the woods in the sunshine. Whenever I did that, I felt a sense of peace that I couldn't experience anywhere else. I also felt a strange closeness to Anita. Although she was my primary antagonist, I knew we were both suffering from this Nazi state imposed hell and a tragedy of any sort tend to bring people together. The only thing missing from the perfect day was Nuisance.

On Friday, September 25, 1981, Anita left for work as usual. After she left I got dressed in a suit and went downstairs to the garage. I closed both garage doors, got into my 8 cylinder Camaro, left both doors open and started the engine. Then I swallowed sixty Nardil antidepressant pills I had accumulated. I sat there for fifteen minutes as the garage filled up with smoke. I checked the time because I couldn't figure out why I wasn't getting sleepy. I opened a small jar of sulfuric acid I had with me and dropped some sodium cyanide granules in to the acid. Then I breathed the hydrogen cyanide which is the gas that is used in gas chambers. I sat there for another fifteen minutes and nothing happened! I waited another five to ten minutes and then shut off the car engine. The garage was completely engulfed in smoke, I had taken an overdose of a drug and had breathed cyanide and I felt fine!!!

I got out of the car and went into the house in a total state of confusion. I had no idea what was going on, but I felt fine. I didn't know what to do. I had been so certain that I would die that I never considered the impossibility that I would continue to live. I felt totally defeated. I couldn't even die.

About an hour later I began to feel dizziness from what I believe was low blood pressure from the Nardil I had taken. I laid down in the bed and fell asleep. That afternoon when Anita came home the house still reeked of exhaust fumes. Anita came running into the bedroom.

"What did you do?!" She screamed.

"I tried to kill myself, but I couldn't die." I answered.

"Well, I'd better call Dr. Cohn."

"No, don't do that. He'll just put me in the hospital again and you know how worthless that is."

"OK, but promise me you won't do that again."

I half laughed and said, "What good would that do? I can't die anyway. What the hell is going on?"

I still was a little light headed from the Nardil, and Anita helped me up to go to the bathroom. "Anita," I asked. "What is going on? I can understand the problems with big business, RAM and the government, but now this. What's happening?"

I don't know but it's discouraging isn't it?" She responded.

We didn't discuss the events anymore and I fell off to sleep and slept the rest of the evening.

NOTE: Wait til you see how the Nazis react to my still being alive!

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Hide the truth - Sick, Evil people don't want the truth to be known about them!

The next week I spent trying to relax and to plan the best way to kill myself. I want the act of death to be painless so I devised three ways to commit suicide. The one thing I didn't want to happen was to fail and end back up in a hospital. Since I planned on having the diary I had kept from June to September 1980 with me when I died,I went to get the diary from the top of my wife's dresser only to find it was gone. The top of the dresser was about eight feet high and had a edging around it so that nothing on top of the dresser could be seen and I hadn't told Anita where I had put it. I spent the rest of the day going through the house trying to find the diary in case the Nazis had just moved it, but it was missing. Suddenly my thought became focused on the urgency to find the diary.

When Anita came home from work that evening, I began questioning her.

"Have you seen my diary?" I asked.

"No. Why? she responded it.

"Well, those sick bastards stole it!"

"Russell, no one stole your diary." Anita meekly responded.

"It was right up there," I said pointing to the top of the dresser.

"Are you sure?" Maybe it's in the attic."

"I looked up there, damn it. I know it was on top of the dresser because I was looking at it a few weeks ago. "They" stole it just like they took the one I kept at Costeal. I know what I'll do, I'll call the police and report it missing. At least the theft will be documented." (Note, several years later I did report items the sickos were stealing from me and it resulted in the police harassing me!)

"Russell, they will just laugh at you." Anita pointed out.

She was right, and the sense of defeat that I had felt so often came over me. "They did whatever they wanted and when it became necessary to destroy documents to protect their story, "they" proceeded to do it. Any future reference to the destroyed documents were ignored as if the items had never existed. Whoever was responsible for my destruction lived in a fantasy world because they could make the world however they wanted it to be. And the cowardly amerikans just who go along with it. Amerikans really deserve any hell they get. The theft of the diary destroyed the only written record of the daily harassment, psychological torture and distortions of reality to which I was continually subjected. And it was the daily torture that was the basis of my created "mental illness". It was discouraging and frustrating too that Anita continued to support ridiculous positions like stating that I had misplaced the diary. Somehow it all seemed irrelevant since I knew I was going to die in a couple of days.

The stealing of the diaries also made it impossible for me or anyone else to take any legal action later against the Nazi loving corporations when I would no longer be able to work. The Nazis had only one desire - get rid of the truth about them and Nazi amerika! That meant get rid of me.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

There is no escape from the Nazi prison.

During my next appointment, I related the events to Dr. Cohn and his response startled me.

"Well, what do want to be?" He asked. "Anxious or depressed?"

"I don't want to be either," I answered. "I want to be normal!"

"We.. you can't have that!" He shot backed.

"What do you mean by I can't have that?"

Dr. Cohn ignored my question. He had been pacing around his desk, he stopped, looked at me and then sat down in his chair. When he continued talking to me it was about another totally unrelated subject and he never did explain his comment to me.

The process of bringing me crashing down continued at work. About a week after Jeff's announcement to the "Deep UV" task force, Jim told me in private that another task force member would present the groups findings to upper management. I knew it would do no good to bring up the fact he had told me I would be doing the presentation to upper management. If I had mentioned that, I would have been given some ridiculous answer which would have infuriated me. With that announcement, all of the promises that had been made to me three or four weeks earlier to lift me up had been broken and I was left with nothing to show for my efforts made on the task force.

Pat clover also began to hedge on his plans for me. Now he was telling me that maybe he didn't need as much of my time as he had originally planned. Instead, maybe he could use me as a consultant on the project. That was a long way from the responsibilities he had originally described to me. With that change, the project to bring me crashing down was complete and I was left to deal with the resultant depression.

With the sudden increase in stress, I was really going insane and I didn't know of any way to stop the torture. Since I just couldn't take any more abuse and I couldn't stop the Nazi amerikans from torturing me, I decided the only rational thing to do was to kill myself. Before I died, I wanted a few days of peace and quiet so on September 18, 1981 I resigned my job at RAM. Just as at Gamma Supplies, I resigned rather than being fired. If I had been fired, I could have collected unemployment long enough in an uncontrolled environment to be able to regain my sanity and stability. That did not fit into the psychotic criminal's minds. When I told Anita what I had done she hardly reacted. She knew my leaving RAM was inevitable, and she accepted it fatalistically. All she really asked was "What are we going to do now?" I told her not to worry that I had a plan to take care of everything. Anita didn't question me any further.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Class Warfare - a "new" concept.

I recently read an article about the widening gap between the wealthy and the working class. The distribution of wealth has gotten so out of hand in Naziland, a trend that started in the late 1970's, that income distribution in the United States in now more unequal that in 3rd world countries like Nicaragua and Venezuela. I have always proposed that America's loss of the Vietnam War in the ruling fascist's attempt to gain control of Southeast Asia, resulted in a concerted effort to drive amerika to the right and enslave the citizens so that the people would or could no longer oppose national policy.

The trial rigging scheme by the government/corporate rulers that I was involved in, took place in the 1976-1978 time period(the late 70s). It is a classice case of class warfare. Of course the term class warfare was a forbidded label in Naziland until just recently when of the floor of congress some right-wing loonie started yelling "class warfare" because the top 2% in income were possibly going to lose some of their income tax breaks. The Nazis broke about every law in the land and flaunted their contempt of everything this nation is suppose to stand for in their class war against me. But deny the ruling elite a tax break and the media starts publishing "class warfare" like it some newly discovered phenomenon. Go figure.

One of the major changes to take place after the Vietnam War was to go from an army(I'm including all military branches) based on conscription to one made up of "volunteers". And now days the military is basically a mercenary army where private "security services" are bought by the corporate powers to do their bidding. While the movie made a hero out of Charlie Wilson, the Afghanistan resistance to Russian control of Afghanistan was really a private war of a few loose cannons promoting the interests of the ruling elite. David Wise called these cabals "The Invisible Government". The ultimate result of that effort was 9/11 and the resultant current Afghan war. I do have to admit that a couple of reviewers of "Chalie Wilson's War" did mention that 9/11 was a direct result of the efforts of a few elitist individuals in cooperation with a Nazi gestapo agency.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Stress and Exploitation - Nazi staples

To give you some idea of the amount of stress I was being subjected to, at one point in my ordeal, I began to experience waves of light-headedness. The feeling would start at the front and then travel to the back of my head. Since the phenomenon continued I went to a neurologist and he ran an EEG. The doctor couldn't find anything wrong in the EEG and dismissed my symptoms. First the EEG test covers a short period of time and the waves of light headedness were very intermittent. And second, I would later read that the symptoms I had been experiencing had been found common in front line soldiers who had spent excessive time on the front lines of an ongoing war! This was especially true in the trench warfare of WWI. The cause: EXCESSIVE STRESS!

Back to my story.

A few days after the harassment had started up again, Jim came to a "Deep UV" task force meeting and announced that he and a task force member Bob Brunner were going to San Jose to present the program to the people out there. In addition, Bob would present the talk on the task force findings at the Internal Technical Liaison Conference in October. All of those assignments had been promised to me by Jim a few weeks earlier. I didn't even challenge Jim's announcement because by now it was just another part of the plan to emotionally jerk me around. I had been lifted up with challenging new assignments, and now I was being brought down.

This followed the same pattern that had happened at Gamma Supplies when I was brought in on difficult problems to give my advice just prior to my being forced to leave the company. And it followed the Nazis' pattern of flaunting their exploitation of defenseless victims. I believe it gives the psychopathic Nazis a feeling of being GOD! They, the fascist rulers determine who will have a good and successful life and who will fail in life. It must give them a real psychotic rush.

Usually the Nazis hide their contempt for working people, but sometimes their hatred becomes so insane that they can't control themselves. I am an example of that. You can see some of the Nazis love of exploitation in the current economy where many people are struggling to survive - such economic conditions tend to bring out the true nature of the ruling elite - sort of the "Let them eat cake" syndrome. And of course there are always people around who want to exploit the economic conditions to gain more power and wealth. Glen Beck comes to mind.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Prolonged Stress takes it toll.

Back to the Nazi amerika story:

At about the same time as the performance review in August, Pat approached me with a problem he was having in his area. He asked me to review the problem and write a brief report. The problem involved an important project in his area, and it gave me the opportunity to get involved in a active area. Although I was not totally aware of it at the time, the daily harassment had ceased and with the daily terrorism, I was able to concentrate on my work and complete the report on which I was working. When I finally issued the report Perry wrote a memo to complement me on the thorough and and excellent analysis of the problem and the completeness of the report. Perry discussed the report with me and then offered me the opportunity to head up the program designed to address some of the questions I had raised. Included in the program would be the coordination of my work with work being done in San Jose. As soon as Perry told me I would have to go out to San Jose after the first of the year, I became very suspicious. I had the feeling I was being built up for a big let down.

In the same time period, Jim Connors called me into his office to give me a new assignment. He asked me to head up a task force on a "Deep UV" program. The interest in "Deep UV" had been growing for some time and Jim wanted a task force to collect the random bits of information and organize it into a complete "Deep UV" program. I would head up a four man effort, and I would then coordinate the effort with the San Jose group. As head of the task force, I would present the results to upper management and to the RAM Internal Technical Liason Conference which was held in October. Since the "Deep UV" program would need a new manager, the implications were obvious although my only thoughts were towards doing some meaningful productive work.

I had started seeing a new psychiatrist in July, and he decided to put me on a new antidepressant. I had decided to stop seeing Dr. Padua after she told me one week that I had a good future and a chance for a management position, and the next week she told me my situation was hopeless. Perhaps she had decided that she wasn't going to be a psychopath like my tormentors. She even thought I should see someone else and recommended Dr. Wagner Cohn to me.

Dr. Cohn was a gruff, ederly man who took a clinical approach to psychiatry. He seemed to believe that medication would solve all problems even more than most psychiatrists. His short, sometimes abrupt manner of speaking made it difficult to carry out a meaningful conversation, and I never even tried to tell him how I had ended up in such a messed up state. I just his prescribed medication and went to meet with him once a week.

The new antidepressants s he prescribed did help break the deep depression I was in, but I wasn't sure if it was the new medication or the events at work was creating the sense of relief. Whatever the cause, I stupidly was beginning to believe my ordeal was over.

Just when I was beginning to get some hope, the harassment started up again. The annoying phone calls started again after a respite of about a week and the usual incidents at work started to occur. This new round of terrorism caused severe anxiety for the first time in a long while, and I began to get the feeling I could no longer tell what was real and what was being orchestrated (is it an oval or an elipse, remember?) In addition, "they" had know my every move for so long that I began to think "they" could read my mind - later I will relate an incident that shows the extreme measures that the Nazi gestapo goes to in order to know everything their victims are doing. Two conditions of schizophrenia that I knew the Nazi's couldn't orchestrate was hearing voices and reading my mind. But, their anticipation of my actions and my inability to dicern reality was causing me to consider that "they" could read my mind. Prolonged severe stress is known to cause mental disorders, and I had reached the point where I was completely falling apart.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

God Damn Amerika!

I have just returned from a foreign country and after spending time out of the amerikan media/government controlled environment it is pretty obvious that God HAS cursed amerika. To me, there is a sense of satisfaction and justice to see it but it also makes me angery that I have to live with it because I could care less if this country totally collapses. And the problems are with the system itself and not with the current administration or the political beliefs and practices of the current government as some would have you believe. Amerika's problems are a total collapse of a corrupt evil system and it becomes obvious if you get outside of the controlled amerikan environment. And for that I give thanks to God!

Friday, August 27, 2010

More about which to get depressed.

I began to notice that everyone around me seemed to be getting smarter! This was most noticeable when I talked with Pat Clover, my former manager. I had always considered Pat to be rather slow and he did not have great verbal fluency. However, now when I talked with Pat, I was amazed at how alert and mentally sharp he seemed. It was like he was a new person. I found this true of other people too. What I didn't realize was that my own mental capacity was greatly diminished from all of the psychological and mental torture to which I had been subjected for so many years. This decrease in mental capability is common in cases of menticide(mental torture). At the time however, I interpretted this decrease in my own mental capacity as an increase in the mental capacity of the people around me. I found it depressing that I was intellectually inferior.

As I stated, loss of intellectual functioning is quit common in cases of mental torture and some studies have reported around a 50% decrease in other victims. In my case, the extreme loss of mental capacity was documented by my therapists. In February 1983, after I had left the RAM environment, I was given a simple psychiatric evaluation. During that particular evaluation, I could not repeat in sequence 5 single digits that had been read to me. I had been give the same test in the fall of 1978, shortly after joining RAM. At that time I was able to repeat 11 digits FORWARD AND BACKWARDS after the digits had been read to me. I may have been able to do more, but the tester stoppedf at 11 digits when he decided there was nothing wrong with my intellect. The average person can repeat 7 digits FORWARD (a telephone number) and 5 digits backwards. The test results of going from 11 digits backwards to not being able to do 5 digits forward clearly demonstrate how brutally I had been tortured. That is why I say "God damn amerika". Fortunately, one's mental capacity slowly returns at least to some degree when the victims is free from constant brutal torture.

Just when things seemed their worst, improvements in my environment occurred. First I was given a performance appraisal. I went into the meeting with great apprehension because I knew I had not done any significant work in the past six months. Whatever performance rating I received, I knew it would be what "they" wanted it to be. Laurie Bushell, one of my many former managers, gave me the performance review and to my surprise, she gave me a rating which stated I "consistenly exceeded the requirements of the job in all key areas." Even though the rating was phoney, I was thrilled. Not only did the rating mean I would not be fired, but the rating also had to be approved by my current manager Jim Connors, since he was Laurie's second level manager too. Thus according to the rules at RAM, I was safe for another year. Although I knew I was never truly safe, it meant that "they" were not ready to get rid of me yet.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

More Nazi Terrorism.

There were more department changes at work, and Jim Connors was officially announced as a second level manager. At the same time, Jim was also made the acting first level manager of a newly created department. Since Jim was serving as both first and second level manager, it meant that he would be seeking a new manager to take over his first level duties. Just the thought of a management opening caused me to become depressed because I knew their would be more suggestions and implied promises that would be made to me about the new manager of the department. I knew I couldn't go through that scenario again. The only thing that kept me going was the hope that "they", the sick bastards that they are, would get tired of mentally torturing me and my life would return to a normal state.

I was extremely depressed and becoming suicidal again. The harassment was daily and there was at least one episode per day. I had no social life and no contact with anyone outside of work other than Anita. In fact, I was totally surprised one day when one of my co-workers, John came into my office and hand delivered a notice for a professional meeting to be held the following week.

"I haven't been getting these notices lately," I commented.

"Well, this should be a pretty good meeting. The speaker is excellent." John replied.

"I thought you usually mailed these notices. What happened? Did you run out of stamps?"

"No, we just got the notice printed too late to mail them so I'm hand deliverying them," John answered.

I didn't think much more about it and went back to work. Later that day before I left the office, I went to check my mail. There in my mailbox was the same meeting notice with a cancelled stamp. The notices had been mailed as usual. I was just another one of those inconsistncies that were common in my life. Such incidences created further depression and made it impossible for me to believe even the most trivial things people said to me. And of course, relating such an event would make me look paranoid.

I had been harassed so long by annoying phone calls that I was now afraid to answer the phone. Most of the time I would just let the phone ring. But now I noticed a new phenomenon. Whenever I picked up the phone to make a call, the dial tone caused me to have a severe reaction. The buzzing sound caused me to become fearful and my adrenalin would begin to flow. After years of answering the phone and only hearing a dial tone, I was conditioned and sensitized to the point that the mere sound of the dial tone caused a reaction.

That evening, I conveyed my new awarness of my reaction to the dial tone to my wife. As usual, she said nothing. However, the next day at work the phone rang and I decided to answer it. This time there was no one on the other end of the line, but instead of the usual dial tone, there was complete silence. From then on, whenever I did answer the phone and the party hung up, instead of a dial tone, there was silence. Again there was the implied participation of my wife, but there was nothing that I could prove. In addition, in my highly confused state, I tried to think of some reason for the change. I was too mentally screwed up to just accept it as continued harassment and terrorism.

Friday, August 20, 2010

Another Day, Another Crisis

"What's going on?" I asked.

"Never mind. Just stop whatever you're doing and come with us."

I followed them to the medical department. After a short wait, I saw the company doctor.

"We got a call from a Gamma Supplies employee. Apparently you sent him some sort of note, and he thought you were suicidal so he called us." He explained.

"So that is what this is all about," I said somewhat relieved.

The doctor continued. "We called your wife(always beneficial to involve the wife) and she made an appointment to see Dr. Padua immediately. You are to go to the St. Frances Hospital and see Dr. Padua right away."

With that brief explanation, I was escorted to the door. As I drove to St. Francis, I kept thinking about how I was going to be confined to the hospital again. Suicidal tendencies is grounds for involuntary confinement. My fears were not realized, but Dr. Padua argued strongly for voluntary confinement so she could "treat" me. I refused to go in voluntarily and she finally relented. As I was leaving her office she asked, "Why did you send the letter?"

"Maybe I was trying to raise the level of some people's conscience. Not everyone is a psychopath, you know."

Dr. Padua just gave me a dirty look. I had survived another crisis.

NOTE: One of the common questions asked me is why would ordinary people do these things to you? My wife is a good example of, "why would she do it?" The answer can be found in the famous studies of Dr. Stanley Millgram titled "Obedience to Authority." Dr. Millgram and others showed that people will do whatever they are told to do as long as someone who is recognized as an authority figure gives the command. The common reaction to that statement is "I wouldn't do that." But the truth is you would, especially if your family, kids, career and other things you value can be destroyed by the authority figure. For real life examples of this you can read about the previous Nazi empire in "Hitler's Willing Executioners: Ordinary Germans and the Holocaust" - by Daniel Jonah Goldhagen. This shows the evil that lurks in all of us and it demonstrates how political movements and agendas, such as the current right-wing nationalistic movement in the U.S. can bring the evil to the surface. I just read today where some church wants to hold a book burning event and burn the Koran(Quran). While these people may be a minority, they still are potentially Hilter's willing executioners

Sunday, August 15, 2010

As my marriage drifts to a close.

By June 1981, I had already sensed another increase in incidences in involving my wife and actions seemed to be directed towards creating animosity between us. I felt there were times when Ursula would start fights or do something just to irritate me and get my emotions flowing. I decided to take Anita with me to the next doctors appointment and address the problem with Dr. Padua. I stated my case and then discussed the issues with Anita. Anita agreed to try not to irritate me so often. I sat there almost laughing at the whole procedure. I believed Anita's actions were deliberate and that she would do whatever "they" told her to do, but to make any suggestion like that would only provide a platform for the doctor to tell how paranoid I was. The following week Anita seemed to do more irritating things than usual as if to flaunt the whole uselessness of going to the psychiatrist to solve my problems. The dissolution of our marriage seemed inevitable.

I lived in a constant state of depression. I was unable to work and I could have been fired for poor job performance at any time. What I didn't realize was that the Nazis wanted me to resign like I did at Gamma Supplies. That would make it clean and simple; it would be my fault. It also appeared that another reason not to fire me was that the Nazis would lose total control of my environment. I was really nothing more that a paid prisoner. And every time I began to pull myself out of the deep depression, some action would be taken that had a crushing effect on me.

Finally, in late June 19881 I decided to strike back again. This time I wanted to do something that would effect other people. I drafted a short letter describing my ordeal since my departure from Gamma Supplies. I then stated that I had no future and would probably be dead in the near future. I then thanked the addressee for his or her participation in the destruction of my life. I found an old mailing list of Gamma Supplies' employees and sent a copy of the letter to everyone on the list. Since the Gamma Supplies' employees had started the destruction of my life for their benefit, I wanted to make sure they knew the final results. But the real motivation came in knowing that "they" didn't want anyone to know anymore about their nefarious, sick deeds than was necessary and updating the Gamma Supplies' employees on my status was sure to irritate them.
I mailed the letters immediately to prevent Anita from finding out about them.

I mean let's face it; if you were as sick and twisted as "they" are, would you want other people to know it? I mean a serial killer doesn't go around broadcasting that he is a serial killer. And as I will demonstrate in a later post, my torturers have the same mentality as serial killers.

Several days later I was in the laboratory when Laura Bushell my new second level manager, Tim Kristofferson walked in.

"We have an emergency in the medical department and we have to go over there right away." Time said.

Note: If you read and learn about mental torture and terrorism, you will learn that the evil doers always try to separate the victim from the torturers as quickly as possible. It is an "out of sight, out of mind" practice. In this case the terrorists at Gamma Supplies could enjoy the fruits of their demented acts without actually seeing what had happened to the victims. It the same idea as pilots and bombers who bomb hospitals and villages with children. They don't see the victims and therefore their is no remorse or internal moral conflict. That is why the psychotic Nazi torturers always moved me about and removed me from areas where the acts had been committed. Sane people would wonder why a human mind would think that way and act that way against innocent, defenseless victims. But in their psychopathic minds, "they" always have a good reason for their actions.

Friday, August 6, 2010

A natural loss in my life vs a Nazi government created loss.

With everything going so badly, it only seemed appropriate that Nuisance became very sick. Whenever I would get down or needed some solitude, I would take Nuisance for a walk. It always had a soothing effect on me, but in March, 1981 she became sick from what the vetrinarian diagnosed as cancer of the liver. Her health deteriorated rapidly and on April 8 she had to be destroyed. We had owned Nuisance for fourteen years and her death was a great loss. In a normal situation I would have been sad, but my built up anger made it impossible for me to grieve the loss of our pet. What made me even more angry was that I was being tortured so much that I couldn't really feel the loss of something that meant so much to me. In effect, I had become a bit like my torturers in that I couldn't feel things. As I will show later on, my tormentors tried to get me to do despicable acts(sometimes with success), just to convince themselves that all humans are subhuman scum like they are. I think it made them feel good to make their victims act in a base manner like them.
Of course, no one was brutally torturing them; a point that I'm sure escaped them.

The constant harassment and torture had so dominated my life that nothing else seemed important. But with the loss of Nuisance I lost one of the few comforting things in my life that I was still able to enjoy.

I continued to see Dr. Padua, but I was becoming more and more disenchanted with her. Like her predecessors she talked in generalities and whenever I tried to address a specific incident or issue she would sidmiss it as if the topic were trivial. We frequently discussed my wife and Dr. Padua would quickly point out that I should be happy because Anita would soon be going back to work at a higher salary.

"They will never allow me to share in her income. I can't look forward to that," I explained. I don't even know if I'll have a marriage six months from now."

"Why you have lots to look forward to," was her reply.

I knew "they" would not allow me the luxury of having economic relief in the form of two good incomes, and I assumed their solution would be to destroy the marriage to keep me from having the security of my wife's income. But any attempt to carry our a discussion like that would have brought an immediate, "There is no one trying to destroy you."

I just heard on TV tonight that China has a new weapon that can wipe out an amerikan aircraft carrier from long range. I guess there is "good news" if you look for it. Such a weapon if it exists would cancel amerika's domination and terror on the high seas. However, this was on FOX news so it may just be Nazi propaganda designed to keep amerikans in a state of fear and war mongering.

Most amerikans don't realize that the Nazi state uses the media for what they call "misinformation campaigns". That term is a euphemism for PROPAGANDA. In rare cases, the President(RR for one) has had to admit that threats by foreign entities that were propagaded by the media were nothing more than misinformation campaigns.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Still some want the world to bow to them!

"For what is a man profited if he shall gain the whole world and lose his own soul?"
Matthew 16:25-26.

The ruling Nazis may go to church and align themselves with Christianity, but there is no way these people are true Christians.

On January 5, 1981 I returned to work. The RAM medical department approved the plan Dr. Padua submitted which called for my working four hours a day for one week followed by a week at six hours a day before I returned to a normal work day. It really didn't matter. After 5 years of brutal mental torture, I would have needed a year of rest to regain my mental and physical health. I was mentally in very bad shape and my only concern on returning to work was that there would be no more harassment. My mental state was very so delicate that I felt any more torture would cause a complete collapse, breakdown or suicide. I came into work and hung my coat and hat on the wall hanger and then went into the laboratory to check the condition of my lab equipment. About an hour later I returned to my office to find my coat on the floor. My hat was still on the wall hook and since the hanger was a single hook, it was impossible for the coat to fall off the hook with the hat hanging over it. I started to tremble and cry. I put on my coat and hat and rushed out of the building to my car and drove home. When I got home, Anita was there and I tried to tell her what had happened, but I was so upset that I wasn't very coherent. Finally, when I was able to get my composure, I told her what had happened. At first she tried to rationalize the incident as an accident, but she quickly realized how absurd her arguments were and then she tried to comfort me. I remained home the rest of the day.

The next day I went into work with greater apprehension. As I walked into the office, there standing in the middle of the room blocking everything was a free-standing coat rack. I quickly took the coat rack and carried it to an adjacent office where I deposited it. I then went back to my desk to try to do some work, but that one incident had ruined my day.

For the next couple of months I remained very depressed and did very little work. The side effects of the medication I was taking were becoming intolerable. One day at work I experienced a minor convulsion similar to the one I had experienced in the hospital. At that point I decided to stop taking the Stelazine medication. The fact that I was on Stelazine the first time when I was terrorized into attempting suicide told me that the medication was useless as long as the external stimuli was there.

The antidepressant I was taking was causing blurry vision and severe constipation. Thus I also quit taking that medication. I believed if the terrorism/mental torture ever stopped and I could find a doctor who really wanted to help me, I would take the appropriate medication.

Friday, July 30, 2010

"Please help me. I'm so depressed." I pleaded.

"I'll be right over to take you to the hospital," she said.

I hated the thought of going into the hospital again, but I didn't know what else to do. The hospital was the only place where I would be free from the daily harassment. However, as soon as I came out and went back into the work place, the torture would start up again. I really didn't care. I just couldn't take it anymore.

On the evening of December 16, 1980, Anita took me to the St. Francis hospital where I was admitted to the mental health ward on the basis that I was suicidal. What a coincidence that it was right before the Christmas holidays and remember, Dr. Iron didn't want to give me antidepressants because I wasn't depressed enought! Now I was
being volutarily confined to a hospital.

In the hospital, the sense of relief from the daily harassment was go great that I didn't mind the fact that I was imprisoned again. I had so little control over my life that I just accepted everything the way any beaten prisoner must learn to accept the dictates of his captors.

On the second day at the hospital, Dr. Padua saw me. Dr. Padua was an attractive Indian female who had a very quiet, easy-going diposition. In my initial interview with her, I didn't even try to explain that I was there because of four years of incessant mental torture. I just stated that I was depressed and felt paranoid.

I was put on a high dosage of Haldo again and a new antidepressant, Ascendin. I warned the doctors and nurses that I had a high sensitivity to drugs, but my warnings were ignored. Of course I was crazy; what would I know. After a couple of days, I began to exhibit all forms of side effects. When I complained to the nurses, I was told the side effects were "normal". On the fifth day I awoke with the strange sensation that I wanted to swallow my tongue. At first I ignored it, but within thirty minutes the sensation became so strong I was beginning to choke. I informed the nurses and a doctor and they told me to go lie down. I went to my room and lied down, but the symptoms got worse. Suddenly I went into convulsions and started choking. Another patient rushed to get a nurse who came rushing to my room. Finally a second nurse showed up and gave me a shot to counteract the drugs I was taking. Within five minutes the convulsions and choking stopped. After that episode, the nurses and doctors believed me when I said I was sensitive to the drugs and they carefully monitored my medications.

The lack of external stimuli coupled with my desire to get out of the hospital before Christmas resulted in a marked improvement in my condition. I was no longer
suicidal, but I was a long way from felling well. Dr. Padua also felt I had made remarkable progress and she agreed to release me the day before Christmas. The conditions of my release were that I did not return to work until after the first of the year and that I continue to see Dr. Agrawal. I agreed and was released after a one week stay in the hospital.

Anita joined me for Christmas at my parents house and after spending several days there, Anita, Nuisance and I returned to our home. Our "family" was back in tack, and I was home again.

My experience has taught me that the Nazi government really despises the family unit because it provides support for people and it give them a strong foundation. This makes people less susceptible to Nazi propaganda and indoctrination. And I truly believe that the ruling fascists have caused a break down in "family values" in amerika. And I'm not the first or only person who believes this.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Isolated again

We continued to discuss the best solution for the immediate problem and finally we decided Anita would move out and would go live with a friend from school until the crisis was over. That would insure her safety and cause the least problems for both of us. The next day Anita packed her books and clothes and left. She left me a phone number where I could reach her, but I did not know where she was going.

That weekend I took our dog to my parents place and left her there. I so afraid that because of the Nazi torture at the holidays that I might go into a fit of rage, kick her and hurt her. I wanted Nuisance, my dog to be safe. I barely talked to my parents because I didn't know what to say. I was being tortured and there was nothingh my parents could do about it.

I left on Sunday evening and headed back home. That evening I got several harassing phone calls where the party on the other end hung up when I answered the phone. In anger I jerked the phone jack out of the wall to stop the calls. I was totally isolated from the outside world. I concluded from the calls they wouldn't stop harassing and terrorizing me until "they" had killed me.

The strange thing about all of this is that the Nazis had all that they needed. They had my signed deposition which could be(and eventually would be) used in their patent infringement lawsuit, and they had a documented history of mental illness to negate anything I might say. But the amerikan Nazis were(and always will be) driven by an insane, obsessive hatred and nothing would extinguish that hatred. I believe that even my death would not have satisfied them. Their obsessive hatred towards me was like that of Hitler's toward the Jews. I was to blame for all of the Nazis problems just like the Jews were to blame for Germany's and his problems. Isn't that always the case for irresponsible people - it's someone elses fault. "The fault is not in the heavens and stars......."

Every day was living hell, and the next week I struggled through each day. I was so depressed I did nothing except eat and sleep. My behavior behavior was becoming more irrational. One evening I went out to a local lounge and went dancing. First, when I was dancing with other women, I got a sense of getting even with Anita for the hell she had helped make out of my life. Second, doing something random like going out danceing, I felt free and non-threatened. On Saturday I took two hundred dollars and went to the race track and lost it all. I had never lost more than about twenty dollars at the track, but the large monetary loss had no meaning to me if I was a dead man anyway. On Sunday I drove up to my parents house to get Nuisance. I missed having her around the house and I wanted her back. However, my parents argued against the idea and I returned home alone. When I got home, I called Anita on the repaired phone and started crying.

Friday, July 23, 2010

The Rage Grows

My depression continued to grow despite the antidepressant pills. I was becoming more angry and violent prone each day because of my inability to stop my tormentors. Finally one night as I was getting ready for bed I exploded and started yelling at Anita.

"Damn them! They'll never stop torturing me! They will just keep it up until they kill me. Who the hell is behind it?! Who has that much power and is so sick that they would torture someone for over four years?"

Anita was frightened by my rage and she said nothing. Then I turned to her. "You know who is responsible for this. Tell me who it is. I'll kill the son-of-a bitches."

"I don't know what you are talking about," Anita replied timidly.

I became furious and pushed her onto the bed. I was standing over her and yelling, "tell me who it is. You know because you've been helping them. You have to talk to someone," I screamed.

Anita started pleading with me. "I don't know who "they" are. I really don't. Please let me up. I'm scared."

I calmed down long enough to let her up. Then the realization of how violent I was becoming became evident to me and I became concerned for Anita's safety. I calmed down long enough to let he up.

"Maybe I should get a place to stay for awhile so I'm alone and won't hurt anyone." I said in a calm voice.

"Where would you go?" Anita asked.

"I don't know. I can find a room or something until the holidays are over. You know how they like to terrorize me around Christmas. That's part of the scenario they use. If "they" hold true to form, things will improve in January. I can find a place until then."

"Why don't you go to the hospital?" Anita suggested. That comment made me angry again.

"Is that what the high level of harassment is for this time? To get me back in the hospital around the holidays so they can document my illness more and tell me how sick I am?"

NOTE: As I pointed out in previous posts, terrorism is most effective when the source of the terrorism is unknown to the victim. When the terrorists are unidentified, the victim can't stike back directly at the terrorists nor can the victim take actions to defend themselves. In my case, if I had known early on that the amerikan Nazi government was involved, I might have considered moving out of the country as one of the best and first solutions. It was my indoctrinated belief in the lies about the americkan system that kept me here senselessly trying to defuse the situation.

In my previous blog I noted the story about the Iranian scientist who had been kidnapped or lured to the US and then mentally tortured to get him to publically state what the Nazis wanted him to say about the Iranian nuclear program. And all the while he was here, everything was controlled by his captors.

Compare this to what was done to me. I was lured to a position and promised many things initally to keep me there, I was brutally mentally torture so my captors could program my testimony for a Federal trial. And to this day, my captors totally control my environment.

What is most interesting about this is that the Iranian scientist was to be used to do damage to a country identified as an enemy state. I was an amerikan scientist was to be used by the ruling fascists for the ruling elite against the interests of the working class - this is commonly referred to class warfare.

In other words torture is just another useful tool to be used by the Nazi state against anyone for any reason!

Sunday, July 18, 2010

The Nazis now had their perfect cover.

I found this interesting article about a man who claims the Nazis controlled everything in his life while in the US. He also claimed to have been mentally tortured. REALLY. The US Nazi government would do that?
"Iranian scientist Shahram Amiri, who disappeared last year and resurfaced last week in the Pakistani embassy, claims the CIA kidnapped and tortured him mentally and physically.

He recently flew back to Tehran and told reporters, "The Americans wanted me to say that I defected to America of my own will to use me for revealing some false information about Iran's nuclear work. But with God's will, I resisted." He denies being involved in Iran's nuclear program and contends he was working as a researcher at a university.

He also claims, "I have some documents proving that I've not been free in the United States and have always been under the control of armed agents of US intelligence services."

Back to my story:

I left Dr. Iron's home feeling crushed again. I knew that it was unlikely the FBI would take any action against RAM, but the ease with which my complaint was dismissed was depressing and for the first time I began to seriously consider the government as the real source of my problems. I had often suspected that, but now I was certain. Agent Blue seemed like he had been briefed prior to my arrival at his office, and his apparent acceptance of my "mental illness problems" seemed to pat.

My "mental illness" had been so well documented and supported over such a long period of time that it could now be used as an excuse for anything. My mental illness had been made real through official documentation. Of course, that was the original plan that I agreed to in order to keep my career, but as usual, as soon as the subhuman scum Nazis got what they wanted, they went on with their agenda to totally eliminate me. The "mental illness" scenario could be used as an excuse for anything such as my loss of job, divorce and/or my death. The amerikan Nazis government was now in position to finish me off and wipe their bloody hands clean of trial rigging, torture and murder. But because the Nazis are servants of evil there was one thing that they did not count on.

Monday, July 12, 2010

How all psychiatrists should be dealt with.

That evening I attended my biweekly session with Dr. Iron. Anita decided to go along because she was beginning to get concerned about his "treatment" of me.

Dr. Iron started immediately. "What did you do today?"

"Oh nothing much," I said. "I cleaned out the garage."

"Is that all?" He asked.

"Yes, that's about all I did today."

His insistence told me he knew I had been to the FBI, but I didn't know how he knew.

"I got a call from agent Blue of the FBI today. Do you know him? Dr. Iron inquired.

"Yes, I went to see him today!"

Anita just about fell off the couch at the revelation, and Dr. Iron noticed her shocked reaction.

"Didn't he tell you he was going to the FBI?" Dr. Iron queried.

"No." Anita answered nervously.

Dr. Iron sat back and continued. "Don't worry. I took care of that. Agent Blue and I had a nice long talk, and I explained to him that Russell has a problem." Then he turned to me and said, "Do you know he has a son who works for RAM?"

"Yes, I know," I said discouragingly.

"Now that we don't have to worry about that anymore, let's go on to something else." He concluded.
It is funny what being tortured does to you. I should have killed the bastard on the spot. Not only was he helping the Nazis murder me, but he was threatening my wife. This is why I truly believe all psychiatrists should be rounded up, taken to the town square and executed. It is so convenient and easy for the Nazi state to label anyone speaking the truth about this Nazi state to be labelled "crazy" by these willing pawns of the tyrants. And, they carry out barbaric and antihuman experiments on people, like Dr. Cameron did for the CIA. Pyschiatrists are truly a sick group!!!!!

In defense of the few decent, ethical psychiatrists, later in my life I did talk to one who was trying to expose the Nazi governments use of the label "mentally ill" to
cover up the amerikan governments crimes against humanity.

And if you ever saw the movie "The Insider" you will learn how the FBI tried to make Jeffery Weingart the villian when he went to the FBI for help with a problem similar to mine. As most poor people already know, gestapo agencies like the FBI, CIA and NSA are just there to protect the interests of the elite, wealthy ruling class. They are not there to solve crimes and bring criminals to justice.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

A trip to a gestap agency - The FBI

In early November I came to the conclusion that "they" were never going to stop terrorizing me, and I had to do something or I was going to die. I decided to go to the FBI(a gestapo agency)despite previous threats that had been made to me at RAM about going to the FBI. The next day after Anita had left for school, I called into work and said I was sick. Then I drove across the river to Oldburg, NJ where the local FBI office was located. I called the FBI from a pay phone to get its exact location and headed directly for the office to see an agent.

I was greeted at the door by agent Bill Blue who then escorted me into his office. We chatted briefly and I found out that agent Blue had a son who worked for RAM. He also informed me that he himself was due to retire from the agency in about a year. I could not see a man in his position being very enthusiastic about what I was going to tell him. I briefly decribed my situation to him while he took notes. He asked me some leading questions that indicated either he had heard the story many times before, or that he knew what I was going to say. Whatever the reason behind agent Blue's questions, they made me feel uncomfortable.

Years later I found out that what was being done to me is not uncommon in Nazi amerika, but that of course, the government keeps it hidden from the people by getting rid of the witnesses. There are a few exceptions like the Karen Silkwood case, but most of us political prisoners just disappear.

On a couple of occasions Agent Blue did say, "Yes, that is definitely illegal, but can you prove it." I told him I had very little written evidence, but that I did have some. When he asked me for a specific example of how I was being harassed, I quickly pointed out the most visible example - the annoying incessant phone calls. He surprised me by saying there was nothing illegal about that! I learned from the phone company that such calls are definitely a violation of FEDERAL Law. Agent Blue's ignorance on that subject was at best suspicious. After about 2 hours of talking with Agent Blue, the discussion concluded with the old "don't call us; we'll call you." I left not felling very encouraged.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Depression follows constant harassment.

One of the things that always bothered me about my captors and tormentors is that like Darth Korey, these people really believed that they were geniuses, and superior people to the common workers like me. In reality, what they were doing to me with their mind games in their effort to make me crazy was really no different than what you might see in some B movie where the relatives of a rich aunt try to drive her crazy by arrangeing events in her life. You know, the scene where the aunt walks in a room and sees a body hanging from the chandilier. She then runs screaming from the room to get help and when she returns with witnesses, the body is gone! Then the people around her tell how sick she is and that she needs help and should be confined to a hospitial. Eventually, the rich aunt starts to believe that there is something wrong with her and that she needs help. The whole idea of driving me crazy was not very original and only required my inprisonment to carry out the scheme.

Back to my story:

I continued to get more and more depressed and I felt less and less anxious about events. I felt I had been terrorized so much that my body no longer reacted to the external stimulus and threats in a defensive manner, but rather everything just caused me to become more depressed. As an example, one evening I was running around our housing development for exercise when a large black dog came out of nowhere and ran straight at me with its teeth showing and barking loudly. I came to a slow stop and stared at the dog who quickly retreated and then I continued on my way. As I continued on my way, I realized that the dog attack had not caused any reaction in me. I had felt no fear, no adrenalin rush and no I had no made any attempt to protect myself. I was just dead inside! Maybe my total lack of fear is why the dog cut off its attack so quickly.

In late October Dr. Iron finally prescribed an antidepressant. When he gave me the prescription, I remarked that he had waited so long that I was so depressed I didn't think the pills would do any good. He gave me some lame excuse for not giving the pills earlier, but in reality he had no good reason for waiting so long. My unhappiness over the inability to get proper treatment was slowly turning into hostility and I was beginning to express my anger toward Dr. Iron. I would have readily found a new doctor if I thought it would have done any good, but I knew the Nazi government controlled everything and the results would be the same regardless of who the doctor was. (I will relate later an incident which clearly demonstrates the extent to which the Nazi goverment monitored and controlled everything in my life).

As soon as I went on the antidepressants, the level of harassment went down at work, and natually my spirits picked up a little. Dr. Iron used my slight improvement as proof that the medication was helping treat my "illness". I was convinced that I was merely reponding to my environment, and that if the level of harassment increased again, my condition would deteriorate again. (Being a scientist, I later devised an experiment that demonstrated that my version of events was correct.) About two weeks later the level of harassment at work did pick up, and I became deeply depressed. Dr. Iron in response to my increasedf depression concluded he had used the wrong antidepressant.