Sunday, May 23, 2010

Self Control versus Control of My Environment

Soon after the MSDS incident, there was an expansion in my area. A new department was formed with a new manager, and in keeping with the Nazi's policy of moving me around as much as possible, I was transferred to the new area. I think Pat was glad to get rid of me and the problems that went along with me. My new assignment meant little to me other than I would have a new manager. I was still very depressed, but I still foolishly hoped that I could save my future.

As part of my way to cope with all of the stress I was being subjected to, I began drinking heavily again. almost every evening I would come home and pour myself a couple of glasses of wine. By about seven P.M., I was totally drunk and all of the anger would come out. I would yell, swear and carry on until I was in such a fit of rage that I would smash a glass in the fireplace. On one occasion when Anita tried to argue with me, I became so enraged that I threw a glass through a picture window. That glass throwing incident cost me one hundred and fifty dollars for the repair. As time went on, I was getting drunk on the average about three of the five week day working nights.

The rants I would go on when I got drunk was always about how STUPID and SICK my tormentors had to be to set me up as a witness and then try to drive me insane or kill me by accident or suicide to cover up their stupidity and evilness. I just couldn't believe that the amerikan system was so corrupt as to support such evil. Of course, now days given the political and world events, such thoughts about not believing the evil of the amerikan system seems naive. But remember, this was 1980 and not present day. Most of the unrest that exists today is because most amerikans are losing their naivity about what they believe about amerika. And I laugh because I have spent the last 30 years trying to warn amerikans and they wouldn't listen. Now amerikans will learn the hard way.

Just when my drinking was becoming a real problem, the RAM medical department called me for the first time in almost eight months for a psychiatric follow up. This time I saw Dr. Cryer, who said I was doing fine, but he expressed concern about my excessive drinking. He just happened to inquire about by drinking habits during this particular interview. I told him I had not been a drinker in the past and that I could stop if I wanted to. He seemed to doubt that I could or would, but I assured him that I would stop.

The problem was that whenever I didn't express my anger I became depressed and when I stopped drinking and getting angry, I became very depressed. I was still seeing Dr. Iron every other week, and when I told him I had stopped drinking entirely he was amazed.

"Do you mean you have enough will power to just stop drinking?" he asked increduously.

"Sure, I have a lot of will power and drinking is something I have control over. I can't control my environment or the actions of the people around me. That's why I can't get better." I replied.

Dr. Iron didn't like my comment, but he was still surprised that I could stop consuming alcohol so abruptly after I had been drinking so much.

"Of course, now that I'm not drinking, I'm becoming more depressed. Can I have some antidepressants?"

Dr. Iron didn't hesitate. "No, you don't need them."

I believed Dr. Iron's refusal to give antidepressants was part of the plan to get me truly depressed and possibly suicidal again. There seemed to be no rational reason way someone as depressed as I was should not have been given antidepressants.

In retrospect, Dr. Iron's whole reaction and treatment of me reflects the really malevolent nature of Dr. Iron. He had fled the original German Nazis and now he seemed like he was determined to bring harm to other people to help the amerikan Nazis. I'll never know what his true motivation was but I don't believe it as a positive motivator. I guess he believed it was better to be the persecutor rather than be the person being persecuted.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Extremism In The Defense Of Fascism Is No Vice

In early 1980, my new manager Pat Clover came into my office and gave me a new assignment. He asked me to check out a new Japanese product and then told me to order the material and evaluate it. The assignment was the type that guaranteed some positive results and would stimulate discussion and interaction with other people. I was surprised but pleased that Perry had asked me to do the work. I enthusiastically got busy on the assignment and completed all the necissary paper work to order the material for evaluation. Several days later I received a call from the Site Chemical Coordinator.

"This is Jim Pounds in chemical safety," he said. "I just received your Hazzardous Materials Authorization(HMA) for some chemicals and I was wondering if you have the Material Safety Data Sheet(MSDS) too?"

"Why do you ask that?" I asked.

"Well the state law requires that I have MSDA before I order the chemicals."

"I've never had to have one before!" I replied.

"Well, It's the law and I can't order the chemicals until I have one," he snapped back.

I wasn't going to argue with him so I said, "fine; I'll get them."

I went directly to Pat and told him the situation. He said it was the law and that I should go ahead and do it. I called the company supplying the material I wanted and they said that they did not have a MSDS on the product and could not supply one, but they could supply a MSDS for each component chemical in the product. I said that would be adequate and gave them my mailing address.

I was still upset because I had ordered many chemicals without a MSDS. I checked around and found that none of my co-workers had needed a MSDS to order chemicals. I began to get suspicious. After all I and other workers in the department probably broke about 3-5 laws EVERY DAY to perform our jobs. As most americans are now learning, laws have no meaning in the every day functioning of large corporations. The laws are there for the little people. You just did your job. You never worried about the laws. For the selective enforcement of laws, all you have to do is look at the enforcement of immigration laws in Naziland. The ruling fascists only enforce the laws when it is convenient for them to do so. Selective enforcement of laws is only one of a myriad of reasons most american are upset with the ruling fascists.

About a week later I received the MSDS copies for the component chemicals and sent them to Mr. Bannura A couple of days later I got another call from Jim Pounds.

"This is Jim Pounds. Those MSDS copies you sent me are not adequate. I need the MSDS for the product."

"The company does not have one," I answered angrily. "What is what I sent you?"

"I need a MSDS for the product," he adamantly replied. "It's the state law!"

"I'll take care of it," I replied as I slammed down the phone.

I was angry. I went to Pat and told him of the situation. Perry back Jim Pound's position and refused to go to bat for me. I was angry that I had been frustrated again. I left Pat's office knowing I had failed to complete the assignment and that I could not do anything about it. I called Jim Pound one more time, but I made no progress. Pound was selectively enforcing a law to frustrate me.

Two days later I was walking down the hall when I happened to pass Klaus Closeau's office. There sitting on his desk in plain view were two bottles of the chmicals I had unsuccessfully tried to order. HOW CONVENIENT AND OBVIOUS. Klaus was in his office.

"Where did you get that?" I asked as I pointed to the bottles.

"Oh, they were sent to me," he calmly replied. "I guess I'll have to evaluate it. It is suppose to work pretty good."

"I tried to get that and Pounds stopped me because I couldn't get a MSDS," I said. "How did you manage?"

Klaus just shrugged his shoulders and didn't say anything.

I walked out of his office thinking about the planning and orchestration the whole incident had required. First I was lifted up by a challenging assignme and then I was frustrated by enforcing an unused law and finally I was made to feel like a failure by having someone else be successful at what I could not do. The whole incident was typical of events which went on daily in my life. The thing would have seemed "normal" except for the selective enforcement of the rule to frustrate me. Pat's failure to support me and Klaus' coincidental interest and success in obtaining the same chemicals would have been enough to make me suspicious. About a year later the problem of requiring MSDS did surface on a broader scale, but nothing was done about it and it just faded away. Other than this one exception, I did not encounter the MSDS rule the entire time I was at RAM.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Democracy Passes Into Despotism!

I was becoming more and more depressed with time and the actions around me seemed designed to increase the depression. A new job assignment I was given was a basic research type of job which I dislike and which limited my interactions with other scientists. The increased isolation at work was both frustrating and depressing.

Despite the little interaction I had with people, I found that I was able to discern a difference. There seemed to be two groups of people among my co-workers. In my total paranoid state, I assumed everyone knew of my situation and conspired against me, but with passing time, I perceived that some people were unaware of what was being done to me. I decided to test my hunch.

One afternoon I walked into Moe Gilley's office and struck up a conversation. Moe had just transferred into the area and he had been uncharacteristically friendly and intereacted with me. As we talked, I started to relate my story to him about how I had been set up as a witness and then terrorized and how "they" tried to kill me when I refused to sign my deposition. Moe was shocked and sympathetic. He expressed his strong diapproval of such tactics. Not once did he say I was ill or that he didn't believe me.

As we talked, Don Slewowski who was in an adjacent office, barged in and demanded to see Marty immediately. Don took Moe into his office and spoke with him in private for about five minutes. When Moe came back, he was reluctant to talk to me, and as soon as I tried to talk about my experience, he walked away; Moe's reaction to me before and after the interruption by Don was like night and day. However, the episode convinced me that not everyone around me knew of my situation. Apparently "they" wanted as few workers as possible to know about how sick they were and for what amerika really stands!

Monday, May 10, 2010

Temporary Freedom from the Nazis. Something most amerikans could never understand.

Based on Dr. Iron's response, I no longer had to question whether or not he was trying to help me. He was aware of what was happening and he had no response; that is he was NO help. I was just glad to leave his office and to know that the next day I was leaving Naziland and the whole situation behind.

Anita and i departed JFK airport in a heavy snow storm and arrived in Aruba to sunshine and a balmy breeze. Anita and I loveD Aruba and I had my first truly enjoyable week in over two years. The were absolutely no strange incidences or harassing events. I FELT FREE for the first time in over four years. I had escaped my tormentors by leaving the United Nazi States. There was no apprehension or fear when I interacted with people, and if I struck up a conversation with someonE, they reciprocated in a friendly manner. The contrast to the behavior and actions of people compared to what I had become acustomed to in amerika was striking.

I still was very nervous and I attributed that to the Haldol I was still taking. At one point I was standing in our room when there was a loud bang. I reacted by twitching as if I had been give an electric shock. After that, I decided it was time to stop taking that medication.

As our vacation came to an end, I began to dread going back to RAM. Things had been so pleasant in Aruba without the daily incidences that I realized why I had enjoyed life so much before I had become a political prison in amerika. Thought of going back to the Naziland nightmare was almost more than I could stand. But, being poor, what choice did I have.

When I returned to RAM, no one talked to me about my vacation even though I had returned with a very dark tan and had been gone from work for a week. On of the rules I had learned to live with was that I was never allowed to talk about my personal life with other employees. I was especially forbiden to talk about my wife. If I attempted to do so, I was ignored or the person I was talking to would just walk away. The inability to share the joy over my vacation took a lot of enjoyment out of the whole experience. I quickly became depressed being back in my old surroundings.

The destruction of a person using the Nazis mental torture techniques is often referred to as "living death". Although you are physically alive, your life is really dead. I guess that is one reason the amerikan government loves it so much. The can "kill" the person without the problem of a corpse to explain. Then all they have to do is destroy the person's mind and he or she(rarely) will not be able to tell anyone about it to the people who should know - the amerikan working class.

The reason I was not allowed to talk about my personal life or my wife is that when the Nazi's set out to destroy a person, they have to make them a "nonperson". It is easier to torture someone who you do not consider a human being. And, by not allowing a mention of my wife, the sick, psychopaths remove the truth that there are other victims to their demented acts. And those others victims are obviously innocent of any "crimes". Even the lowlife Nazi scumbags couldn't make my wife look like a deserving recipient of pain and suffering at their hands. And any glimpse of the truth would make my captors and torments look despotic and psychotic.

Last night I was watching a detective/crime show and the detective was describing the criminal as a sociopath. The detective went on to say that a sociopath "has no remorse and believes the victim and their family are not entitled to any compensation for the damage done by the sociopath". I have been told that the scum that totally destroyed my life feel they have done no wrong(no remorse) and obviously I don't deserve any compensation for what they did. That is why I struggle to this day to survive and live on a below the poverty level income.


Thursday, May 6, 2010

Sabotage at work.

For the first time in three years, there were no suggestions or implications that I would be fired from my job at Christmas time. Anita had returned home, but she was so busy catching up on her school work that she barely had time to speak to me. There was still some harassment at work but the level was low and the harassing phone calls had been reduced to 2 or 3 a day. I wasn't too surprised because first this was suppose to be the "low" period following the "high" I experienced at the photo conference and second, Anita was too busy and was still recovering from her operation to be of much use in terrorizing me. For a change, my life was relatively calm and in a couple of weeks, I was scheduled to leave Naziland for awhile.

I continued to take the Haldol medication, and of course Dr. Iron attributed my improved state of mind to the drug. I will relate at a later time when my improved condition was suppose to be a result of new medication that unknown to everyone else, I never took. But my environment did change to give me a change in my mental state.

As I expected, with the relative calm there was an increasing tendency for me to become very depressed. I asked Dr. Iron to give me some antidepressants, but he refused. Remember, I had tried to get my mother's unused antidepressants in anticipation of the onset of depression. Of course the insane Nazis still were convinced they could convince me that I was crazy.

The orchestrated events at work took a new twist. Incidences became more subtle and seemed designed to destroy my last area of real confidence which was my ability to do my job. Throughout all of the terrorism and harassment, I was able to maintain a position of technical leadership and I performed my job well. It now seemed that area of self esteem was being attacked. The week before the Aruba trip I was busy trying to get som last minute results. I needed to us an instrument called nuclear magnetic resonance(NMR) which was located in the sister Polymer Technology group. The use of the instrument required special chemical which Osama kept under lock and key. I went and asked him if I cold use some of the chemicals. He gave me the chemicals which were used only in conjuction with the NMR, and I prepared my samples for use on the NMR the next day.

The next morning I went over to the Polymer Technology laboratory to use the NMR. As I walked in, I could see Osama's friend Hun Wong in the distance frantically working on the instrument as if he were making some major adjustments. I watched for a couple of minutes, and then as he finished, I stepped into an adjacent room where Hun could not see me as he left. After his departure, I went in and tried to use the NMR machine. The instrument was totally out of adjustment and was inoperable. I could see a couple of valves, which were not suppose to be touched, had been turned out of adjustment. Hun apparently had sabbotaged the instrument and had made it inoperable. I went directly to Hun's office.

"Hun, have you used the NMR lately," I asked.

"Yes, I used it last week. Why?" he responded.

"How was it working?"

"Fine, I got good results."

"Well, I just tried to use it and it's all out of alignment. I can't get any results." I snapped back.

Hun continued to express ignorance about the condition of the instrument and even offered to help me fix it. We went back into the laboratory. A few quick tests confirmed that the machine was inoperable and that a major adjustment would be needed to make the NMR operational again.

"That's funny," Hun said. "It worked fine for me last week. I guess we'll have to get a repairman in to fix it. I'll call him today. You weren't in a hurry for the results, were you?"

"Well, I'm leaving for vacation tomorrow," I answered. "So I guess the results will have to wait a couple of weeks.

I didn't tell Hun that I knew he was lying because if I had, he would have only given me some lame excuse and that would have infuriated me. What frightened me was I had just witnessed an attempt to block me from doing me job in a competent manner. It would not take much to stop me from functioning on the job with the depressed state I was in.

That evening I had an appointment with Dr. Iron. After we had chatted for awhile about my impending trip to Aruba, I related the NMR incident to him.

I finished by saying, "And now "they" are sabotoaging my work to destroy my confidence and then they will say I'm not doing a satisfactory job."

Dr. Iron listened and then said, "You're still that sensitive!"

Note: There would future incidences where events prevented me from doing my job which clearly demonstates that the above and future acts were not random but rather were well orchestrated attempts to make me perform poorly on the job.

Monday, May 3, 2010

How A Normal Life Free of Nazi Terrorism Shines Through Briefly.

When I arrived home, I immediately callled the travel agent. Since the money we paid was not refundable within 10 days of departure, I was concerned about losing the money. The agent assured me that as long as a doctor would confirm Anita's condition, we would get our money refunded or we could reschedule the trip. I decided we definitely needed a vacation and rescheduled the trip for the first week in January. With that concern taken care of, I headed back to the hospital.

As I drove back, I thought about how smoothly everything had gone with the changes in the vacation plans. Nothing went smoothly like that for me . "They" always interferred or planned problems to cause me frustration. I realized that events had happened so spontaneously and rapidly that "they" didn't have the opportunity to intervene. What was strange was the fact that it was so very noticeable when events went smoothly and normally. The same was true with the happenings with Anita. Help arrived at the house quickly, the doctor and nurses at the hospital were prompt and courteous. There was no double talk or strange happenings - everything was normal! That was the point I always tried to point out to the Nazi psychiatrists. I could just tell when things were normal and when someone was interferring in my life. Throughout this events of this morning crisis, people were friendly, helpful and considerate. There was no Nazi government interferrence.

When I got back to the hospital, the doctor greeted me and told me that they had stopped the internal bleeding and that Anita should fine. The pysician was also visibly annoyed by the fact that I had not stayed at the hospital and waited while they operated. I could understand his view, but then he was not in my shoes. I had been mentally tortured so badly that I couldn't just sit during such a stressful situation.

Anita spent a week in the hospital recovering from the operation. She had been pregnant and the tubal pregnancy had ruptured. The good news was that she would be alright, but the bad new was that she could never have children since the other fallopian tube had been damaged in a previous operation. I tried to cheer her up by telling her that I had rescheduled the trip to Aruba, but the new of the lost baby really hurt Anita. She had been trying to get pregnant for so long and wanted a child so badly. There was little I could do besided visit her and try to cheer her up.

For me, a childless marriage was a blessing because of the Nazi government's presence in my life. I can only imagine how "they" would have used a baby/child in my life to make me miserable. But I do know those Nazi lowlife scumbags would have used any of my children against me in their attempts to destroy me. There is no way to fully describe the filth that these people are! And these are the powerbrokers that run amerika. Is there any wonder why this country is in the mess it is in? You know, things like "Drill Baby Drill" and the hell with the consequences!

The week Anita was in the hospital was hectic but less stressful. With her in the hospital and with the days off from work because of the Thanksgiving holiday, my life was relatively stress free. The abrupt change from the constant harassment of the Photo Conference incidences to the relative calm away from work and living alone was very noticeable. The peace and quiet of the situation gave me time to reflect on how good my life could be without the interference from the demented powerbrokers who had taken control of my life. I had a loving wife, good family and friends, a good job and a comfortable lifestyle. The only thing really wrong in my life was the acts of my tormentors and the constant threat of losing everything. And that constant fear and threat of having everything TAKEN from me by the the Nazi capitalist, fascist system was the fear that my tormentors used to constantly terrorize me. As I reflected on things, it became evident that even in less stressful times, I couldn't get my depressing situation off my mind. And may the Nazi bastards rot in hell and suffer miserably for what they did to me and my family.