What to do after everything had been destroyed.

Things returned to normal for a few days, and the respite gave me some time time to try to objectively analyze my situation. The first things I realized was that my mind was so messed up that I had doubts that I would be able to function in a normal manner again. Second, I concluded that no matter what I was told, I would lose my job, and I should start addressing that situation immediately. I knew that I could always be forced to resign. If I resigned in a moment of anger, I would not be eligible for unemployment, and it could then be said that my "mental illness" caused my resignation. Above all else I decided I must not resign and that I must be fired.

Slowly the pressure at work began to increase until finally on August 23rd, I just did not show up for work. Since I did not have a phone in my apartment for obvious reasons, I did not call in sick, and my manager could not call me. Instead of going to work, I drove to my parent's place to talk to them. I spent two days there and tried to talk to my mother about the situation when I said, "even Anita broke down and admitted she had conspired against me."

My mother looked startled, then hurriedly said, "I always said getting rid of her was a good thing for you." Then she got up from the table and ran out of the room as fast as an elderly woman could run.

I sat there in disbelief. My own mother did not want to hear proof that I had been and was being tortured. I was truly alone. The story that I was mentally ill was the only story the government would allow at any cost. Now they were not just trying to cover up federal trial rigging, but they were hiding the fact that they tortured innocent US citizens. And this was 20 years prior to the justifying torture to "fight terrorism." As I have said many times, these psychopaths torture because they love to torture and there is nothing to stop them. I was truly living the life of "Winston Smith", the main character in George Orwell's 1984. I concluded my parents could offer me no assistance, and I headed back to home and my job at RAM.

When I got back to my apartment, I found a note that had been slid under my door. It was from Stu who wanted me to call him immediately. I ignored the note and decided he could wait until I was ready to see him.

The next day I rested and then around three o'clock I drove to the hospital where Anita was working and waited in the parking lot. I had not seen Anita in almost two months and I wanted to talk to her. Somehow I hoped that the hate and anger that had been generated by this whole affair had subsided, and I foolishly thought that maybe we could talk about things. Anita came out of the building and started toward her car. I stayed in my car because I did not want to frighten her. I rolled down my window and gently said "hi".

She looked at me and in a frightened voice said "What do you want?"

"I just wanted to talk to you." I calmly replied.

"Go away or I'll call the cops," she said in a panicky voice.

"What do you mean?!" I asked incredulously. "I just want to talk to you."

Anita turned around and went back into the building. A few minutes later she emerged with another woman. Then she approached the car. "Just leave me alone." She shouted.

"What do you mean leave you alone? Do you think you can ruin my entire life and just walk away from it?" I snapped back angrily.

I remained seated in the car with the door closed because I didn't want the Nazis to put anyone up to claiming that I had physically threatened her. The woman took Anita by the arm and lead her back to the hospital. I left feeling very angry. After that incident I was only to see Anita one more time in my life.
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Given what is happening around the world I sometimes wonder what it will take to wake up the american people and cause them to throw off of their backs the oppressive fascist state? And believe, if american people do try to free themselves, the Nazis will kill people just is happening in other countries. Remember Kent State and Waco, Texas?!!!